I Refuse to Postpone My Vacation—Now My MIL’s Blackmailing Me

Family, finances and personal plans are three things that, when not aligned, can ruin your peace. This woman’s story is an example of one such moment. Pressure from her mother-in-law to cancel a long-planned vacation in exchange for continued financial support is causing a storm in her home, leaving her torn between personal goals and family obligations. But how do you stand your ground without tearing your family apart?

Unexpected call.

Next week, my husband and I are going on vacation. We haven’t had a proper break in years, and I was really looking forward to it. We booked everything months ago, flights, hotel, and even some activities. I was beyond excited to finally get away and recharge.

Everything was set, but then the problem started. A few days ago, my MIL called to say she needs a place to sleep for one week. She said she “needed some space” from her house and wanted to spend time with us.

The ultimatum.

I politely told her that we were leaving for our vacation and couldn’t host her. The next day, I received a message from my MIL. She said, “If you don’t cancel your vacation right now, I will stop helping you with your finances.” My husband and I had recently been relying on her for some financial assistance due to some unexpected expenses, and this was the last thing I expected.

She said she had “been there for us” in the past, and this was her way of “asking for something in return.” She claimed that “family is supposed to support each other,” and if I went on this trip, I’d be showing that I didn’t value her help. I was stunned. She was holding her financial support over my head in exchange for me staying home.

Guilt trip or getaway.

I didn’t know what to do. On one hand, I don’t want to lose the financial help, but on the other, I don’t want to be manipulated into canceling a trip that I’ve been planning for months. My husband says I’m overreacting and that I should just postpone the vacation, but I feel like this is unfair emotional blackmail.

Am I wrong for refusing to postpone my vacation just because my MIL wants to visit?

1. You’ve been planning this for months.

You and your husband have been planning this vacation far in advance. You’ve made the bookings and paid the costs already, so for your mother-in-law to expect you to just cancel everything because she’s supporting you financially, seems very manipulative of her. Though she needs your support right now, the blackmail that’s coming attached to the request might point to a bigger issue at play, that she’s not communicating with you.

So try to speak to her to get to the bottom of it. But while she has helped you in the past, it’s also fair to say that genuine support shouldn’t come with conditions or ultimatums, especially if those ultimatums weren’t communicated when the support was first given.

2. It’s not selfish to prioritize rest.

This vacation isn’t just a random trip for you — it’s a much-needed break after years without one. Not prioritizing your rest can lead to your body and mind breaking down, because you didn’t take the time to recharge.

So rest and reconnection are vital, especially when you’ve been experiencing challenges in your life. Having something like a vacation, to look forward to with your husband and prioritizing your well-being, is completely okay.

3. Try to reclaim your financial independence without burning bridges.

While it may not be realistic to walk away from your mother-in-law’s support immediately, this situation might be a chance to reassess how dependent you want to be moving forward and find better long-term financial solutions.

Right now, financial assistance is being used as leverage, and you don’t like that. So try taking small steps toward independence to shift the emotional power dynamics, so that future decisions aren’t clouded by pressure or guilt.

This doesn’t mean you should reject your mother-in-law; but rather it’s about finding solutions to meet your needs without relying on her, but still treating her kindly.

You are not wrong for valuing your plans or your peace, just as your MIL isn’t wrong for needing support. What matters is finding a solution that respects everyone’s dignity.

Some vacations have a way of turning into a breeding ground for family drama. One family experienced that when a mother-in-law made a decision that others deemed “selfish.”