I Stopped Providing for My Adult Sons—I’m Their Father, Not a Free ATM

How long should parents keep footing the bill for their kids? Is there really a right moment to cut the cord? It’s a tricky question, one that many parents quietly wrestle with.

Take Matthew, the author of today’s story: one day, he simply decided to stop supporting his sons financially and leave them to fend for themselves. But what happened next was something he never saw coming.

Hi Bright Side,

My name is Matthew, and I’m writing about a very delicate parenting matter. When my kids hit adulthood, they never stopped asking for money: tuition, rent, other expenses. When my son asked for a car for his birthday, I refused.

I told him, “I’m sick of being your free ATM. Stop relying on me.” But to my shock, my son said, “You’ll regret it.” The next morning, I went to his room, but he wasn’t there. I opened his closet, and there were no clothes—he had left.

Now, I have no idea where he is, and I can’t help but wonder—was I wrong to do this? How can I fix this?

Matthew

Thanks for sharing your experience with us. That’s a very tough situation, especially when it comes to managing your kids’ finances and setting boundaries. We understand how challenging it can be, which is why we’ve put together a few tips that might help you cope with this.

• Open a calm line of communication: Even if emotions are running high, reach out with a message that says something like, “I love you. I want to talk when you’re ready.” It sets the tone that you’re still a parent who cares, not just a wallet.
• Acknowledge his feelings without backtracking: You can validate that he felt hurt or blindsided while also holding firm on your boundary. “I get that it felt harsh. But I also need you to understand why I said no.”
• Check if he’s safe: Disagreements about money aside, disappearing overnight is a big deal. A quick welfare check—through friends, social media, or even calling if you must—shows your concern is about him as a person, not just the conflict.

• Explain your reasoning clearly: Sometimes kids see “no” as rejection. Break down what you can realistically afford and why endless financial support isn’t sustainable. That transparency helps turn the “stingy parent” narrative into “practical parent.”
• Offer guidance instead of cash: Instead of handing over money, point him toward resources: budgeting apps, part-time job options, scholarships, or even help writing a CV. It shows support without emptying your bank account.
• Set boundaries early and stick to them: If this isn’t the first time, it may help to set a clear framework: “I’ll help with tuition up to X, but beyond that you’ll need to cover it.” Boundaries remove ambiguity and prevent blow-ups later.

• Encourage responsibility gradually: Some parents go cold turkey, but sometimes a phased approach works better. Maybe you still cover health insurance, but he’s responsible for rent or car payments. Eases the transition.
• Don’t turn it into a power struggle: If you make it about “winning” or “teaching him a lesson,” you both lose. Frame it as life skills, not punishment.
• Seek a mediator if needed: A family counselor or even a neutral relative can help keep the conversation productive instead of explosive. Sometimes hearing the same thing from someone else helps it sink in.
• Take care of yourself too: Parent guilt can be crushing. Remember: financial support is not the only form of love. Holding boundaries can actually prepare your kid better for adulthood than endless handouts ever will.

In the end, money fights in families are rarely just about finances—they’re about love, loyalty, and what it truly means to stand by each other. Boundaries matter, but so does respect, and finding the balance is what ultimately defines a family. Check out this similar story here.