I Refuse to Repay My Dad for My College Tuition—Now I Know Why He Really Needs It

When parents pay for college, most kids assume it’s a gift, not a loan. But one person’s father is now asking for that money back and the reason why is tearing their entire family apart. Now everyone’s fighting over a decade-old decision, and the real story behind that tuition payment is way messier than anyone thought.

Here’s the full story:

Dear Bright Side,

My dad paid my college tuition ($120K) 10 years ago. Now he's broke and wants repayment. I refused: "Parents don't charge interest on their kids!" He went quiet.

A week later, my sister called, crying, and I panicked when she told me something I never knew. Dad had taken out a second mortgage on their house to pay for my college. He'd told Mom it was for home renovations.

Mom just found out the truth, they're $120K in debt because of my education, and she never knew. She's furious at both of us.

Dad had lied to his own wife to pay for my school, thinking I’d pay him back quietly and Mom would never find out. Now their marriage is falling apart, they’re facing foreclosure, and Mom is blaming me for accepting money she never agreed to give.

Dad said, “I did this for you, and you won’t even help me fix it?” But he destroyed his marriage and finances with a lie. Am I responsible for his secret debt that I never asked him to take on?

— Harry

Look, this is a brutal situation to be stuck in, especially when it involves both family and money. We’re not going to sugarcoat it: there’s no easy fix here. But you can tackle the parts that are actually fixable. That’s why we’ve put together 4 suggestions that might help you navigate this mess.

Separate the financial issue from the family drama.

• The mortgage debt is real, but so is the broken trust between your parents. You can’t fix their marriage, but you can have an honest conversation with your dad about what repayment (if any) actually looks like. Ask for documentation: how much is owed, what the monthly payments are, and what realistic help would prevent foreclosure. Don’t commit to anything until you see the numbers in black and white.

Have a direct conversation with your mom (without your dad).

• She’s furious because she was lied to and blindsided. Acknowledge that. Tell her you had no idea he took out a second mortgage, that you thought this was money they both agreed to give, and that you never would have accepted it if you’d known the truth. You’re not responsible for his deception, but showing her you understand why she’s hurt might ease some of the blame she’s putting on you.

Offer what you can reasonably afford.

• If you want to help financially, figure out what won’t wreck your own stability. It could be $500/month, a one-time $10K payment, or nothing. But make it clear: this isn’t repayment of a loan you agreed to. It helps you choose what to offer because they’re struggling. This distinction matters because it sets a boundary against the future.

Suggest they seek financial counseling or mediation (and stay out of their marriage).

• Your parents need professional help, both financially (to explore refinancing, loan forgiveness, and bankruptcy options) and emotionally (because their marriage is crumbling under lies and resentment). You can point them toward resources, but you can’t be the referee or the fixer. Their relationship issues existed before this blew up, and they’ll need to rebuild trust on their own terms.

If you thought this story was messy, wait until you read about the mom who refused to let her daughter attend her dad’s wedding. The reason why? Let’s just say it involves loyalty, betrayal, and a decision that divided everyone who heard it. Read the full story here.