I Refuse to Ruin My Son’s Birthday Just to Keep My MIL Happy

Family get-togethers can be stressful, especially when there are children involved. Things can get even worse when the dates don’t meet people’s expectations. Lily found that out the hard way when her son’s birthday party disrupted her mother-in-law’s plans.

One of our readers, Lily, shared their story.

Dear Bright Side,

My son, Jason, is turning 16 this year, and I have gone all out to plan something special for him. Over the last few months, I booked the venue he wanted, ordered a customized cake, and even got him the new gaming computer he has been begging for.

The planning has been in full force since his last birthday, and our entire family knows exactly what has been going on. We told them about the dates and venue early enough, so everyone could make a plan to be there and celebrate the day with him.

But a couple of months ago, my MIL called me and asked me to move his party up by a week because she scheduled a cosmetic surgery for that day. I told her that it wouldn’t be possible because the venue was fully booked for months in advance and our other relatives already paid for their flight tickets.

Plus, it was his big day and the actual birthday happened to coincide with the weekend that it was planned for. I told her that her grandson should come first, and it might be best for her to reschedule her surgery.

My MIL went quiet after that and I thought it was settled. But when the big day arrived, things took a nasty turn. My MIL showed up looking like there had been a death in the family. She was moping around and barely said a word to my son. But she was very interactive with everyone else.

I happened to pass her while she was talking to my side of the family and heard her say, “Yes, it’s very tragic. She told me to cancel a much-needed surgery so I could be here. She didn’t even give me a chance to explain how serious it was.”

I would’ve walked away, but she was going too far this time. So I stopped and said, “Are you talking about the cosmetic surgery you had scheduled? Because I would think your grandson is more important than Botox.”

Everyone gasped at my words. My MIL started crying, and my husband came over, concerned by the commotion. “She has never cared about me! Now even my surgery has to take a backseat so she can get attention!” she snapped.

“I will not let you ruin this day for my son. You can either join the celebration or get out,” I said. My husband was shocked by my tone and led his mother away. I didn’t see her again after that.

Later that night, my husband asked what happened and I explained the situation. He thinks I’m right in feeling the way I did. But he also thinks I’ve gone too far. He wants me to apologize to his mother and set things right, but I’m not going to apologize for saving my son’s party.

This is causing friction between my husband and I, and I can’t help but wonder if I’m making a mistake. So Bright Side, what should I do? Should I apologize to keep the peace or stand my ground?

Regards,
Lily P.

Thank you for reaching out to us, Lily. We understand that the relationship with in-laws isn’t always easy, and it’s even worse when there are children involved. So we’ve put together a few tips that might help you deal with the situation.

Have a talk with your mother-in-law.

You need to sit your MIL down and find out what really happened that day. Did she come to celebrate Jason’s birthday or to cause trouble with the family? If she came to cause trouble, you need to set some serious boundaries with her and maybe consider going low to no contact. Because a 16th birthday party is no place to air the family’s dirty laundry.

Open up to your husband.

From the sound of things, your husband seems to be in the dark about what’s going on. It might be best to sit him down and explain the situation entirely because you’ll need his help and support to handle your MIL. He needs to understand that your reaction was justified because she tried to ruin your son’s party. And there’s no other way of looking at things.

She should apologize.

Your MIL doesn’t deserve an apology, but she should be the one doing the apologizing. This has nothing to do with you or her. But she needs to go to your son, explain her actions to him and ask him for his forgiveness. It was his party that suffered because of her actions. And he is the innocent one in this situation.

It’s a shame that your son had to suffer because of this. But there are ways to deal with the situation and if everyone can see the situation for what it was, maybe peace can be reestablished.

Lily wasn’t the only one who had a birthday ruined thanks to a MIL. Another one of our readers went through something similar. Read the full story here.