Terry, 35, wrote to our editorial team, and her story hit like a punch to the gut. She lives by one rule: never mix family and money. So when her niece fell critically ill and her sister begged for help, Terry said no. What followed will make you question where loyalty ends and self-preservation begins.
"Hi, Bright Side!
I need some very honest opinions and advice about my scandalous situation with my family. So, I (35F) live by one rule: blood is blood, but debt is debt. I don’t lend money to family. Ever.
That rule came after my parents “borrowed” $2,500 years ago and never paid it back. I let it go, but I learned my lesson. Money and family don’t mix. Last week, my sister (37F) called crying. Her 4-year-old was diagnosed with a rare disease. There’s an experimental treatment not covered by insurance. They need $20,000 right now. She begged me to lend it, swore I’d get every penny back, even said she’d do anything.
I told her no. Calmly. I said I was sorry, but I don’t break my rule. She called me a monster and hung up.
It's your right for not help in finance or other things. Too bad, you seems to life alone. So it's also their right for not helping you someday, whenever you need help, even you just alone and you speak every reason for it. Believe me, you'll getting old, that day would come. Nobody can strive living alone, they will need someone to rely, and you just cut it the way you like it.
Then the flood hit: parents furious, brother disgusted, old relatives suddenly “checking in.” And the kicker? My sister posted a video online, shaving her head, saying she’s “doing what she can because her greedy sister turned her back.” It went semi-viral in our town. I got hate DMs. Even my boss asked if I was okay.
Now I’m sitting here wondering if I’m actually the villain. But deep down, I know that one broken rule can wreck years of boundaries.
So yeah, maybe I’m cold. Or maybe I just learned that a broken heart costs less than a broken bank account."
It's experimental. No guarantees for success. What if the loan doesn't get paid back? Now that relationship is ruined as well. I don't loan anything to anyone unless I can afford to give it. Lessons learned from prior experience. The family knows her rule. Manipulative for them to ask. Set up a gofundme account and tap other friends and relatives.
You have a right to say now that's most important but others now have a right to judge you and to treat you differently to shun you to send you hate mail to do you and yours harm you have to weigh the consequences of your actions. Being burned financially may not be as bad as being burned socially or finding yourself actually burning when somebody throws a Molotov cocktail through your window. You cannot control nor can you get upset that your sister reacted by publicly stating what you did now if she has a legitimate situation with her daughter whether the daughter will get cured or not despite the comment from the supposed relationship coach below me, your sister did an acceptable action and called you out. If she's lying the truth will come out but if she's not the consequences will come out. So you did not get burned financially that is your right to protect yourself financially but it is not your right to have your comments kept private. So hopefully your sister is lying to you because if she isn't this is going to impact your life it's going to impact your career because regardless of what you say your employer asking if you're okay and your coworkers will judge you as is there right and there is nothing you can do about it and you deserve what you get. And if it is true I hope somebody actually does burn you your children your husband in my situation I would hurt all of you except for pets I don't believe in hurting pets pets are more important than children. I've actually seen kids go after animals and I've thrown bottles at the kids and done in a way so that they can't drink it back to me. So I hope for your sake that she was lying and I hope that if she's telling the truth your community attacks you physically and violently and make sure you regret your foolishness have a nice day
It's an experimental treatment. Sis promises to pay you back. You learned the hard way from the parental bad debt. You could consult with an attorney about drafting a loan repayment agreement for child's parents to sigh with strict repayment guidelines. If any payments late or not paid wage garnishments and lien on their home etc. Then they would know you're willing to help but have learned to protect yourself as well. Their decision how to proceed. That's a LOT of money and needs to be taken very seriously; it's a business transaction even if family members are involved. Expectations need to be very clear. If they won't commit to this then can perhaps try a go fund me account, community fund raiser, etc. This is not on you. If you wanted to gift something and are comfortable enough financially to do it, then great.
Dear Terry,
Your rule kept you safe, but maybe it’s time to redefine what “help” means. Not money, but presence. You can stay firm without staying distant. Reach out privately, not to pay, but to listen and show you still care. Boundaries protect you, but compassion keeps you human.
Don’t fight your sister online. Silence will say more than any comment ever could. Send her a short, kind message when things calm down, something that reminds her you love your niece even if you can’t fund her care. Offer to help in non-financial ways: research grants, organize a fundraiser, and connect her with medical aid programs. And most importantly, stop defending yourself to everyone else; people forget drama, but peace of mind lasts longer than their approval.
Some choices break your heart, no matter what you decide. And sometimes, love demands more sacrifice than we think we can bear. At Bright Side, we recently received a letter from Nina, a 55-year-old woman whose life suddenly demanded she choose between her lifelong dream and her precious five-year-old granddaughter. Nina found herself in an agonizing battle between loyalty, love, and self-respect.
This is not just a letter. It’s a mirror, reflecting the silent struggles, so many women carry inside. Nina’s story will pull you in, break you apart, and make you question what it truly means to love... and to live. Read Nina’s powerful confession here.
What a selfish clown. I truly hope she needs help one day and finds it NO WHERE.
Your money you get to choose what to do with it. But that's your sister's daughter and she gets to choose how to react to being told by her sibling that her child's life means nothing to them. So sit there with your money and feel smug. But you do not get to look down on your sister for losing her mind because you literally told her you don't care if her child dies as long as you get to protect your nest egg.
So, you are suggesting she gives / loans £20k. There isn't a hope in hell she will get it back . Then another treatment needs £10k more.is she supposed to fund that too? This could go on for years, prolongs her life but doesn't cure the matter.
Stick to your rules, the little one may improve and new free medicine becomes available. It's is not in your hands.
