I Refuse to Stop My Daughter From Living Her Lavish Life Even Though Her Stepbrother Feels Worthless

Living with two adult children under one roof is already a balancing act, but when one is thriving and the other is floundering, tensions can boil over fast. Recently, a trip to the mall spiraled into accusations, hurt feelings, and a confrontation that revealed more than I ever expected.

Hello Bright Side, Laura here.

I’m 45 with a daughter, Lila, 23. She started an online art business in high school, took on freelance design gigs, and bought herself a car after graduating. She lives with us but pays her own way. She might even pay for house fixes whenever we need assistance.

My stepson Jonah is 25. He lives with us, too. However, he is unemployed, as he was laid off from his work about 2 months ago, and since then, he has been trying to make money while streaming.

I try to be patient, but so far, he hasn’t made any money and is always asking us to cover his expenses. He isn’t even trying to find a regular job. I can see that his confidence is diminishing.

Last week, we went to the mall. Jonah drove in our car, and we paid for his meal. Lila drove herself, paid for herself, and even bought me a small gift.

When we got home, he accused Lila of showing off and said I should have told her to tone it down. He said her success made him feel worthless and small.

I snapped, and I said, “No one is trying to make you feel anything. If you want what she has, then be like Lila.” He went silent. Later, my husband told me Jonah cried alone in his room and that I had been cruel. I actually felt bad.

Lila rushed to me in tears the next morning, asking if I had misplaced the necklace she bought me. I thought I had left it on the coffee table, but Lila said it wasn’t there. We searched everywhere, but we couldn’t find it.

Lila told me that last night, she went downstairs to get a glass of water and saw Jonah standing by the coffee table looking at the necklace.

Then, she went back to her room and got out when Jonah returned to his room. She overheard him on Discord, laughing with a friend, saying that he pretended to cry and told my husband that he did to guilt me into apologizing.

Now I’m suspecting Jonah threw the gift away. If I ask him, I’m sure he won’t admit it. Who else, right? It was just the four of us in the house, and my husband was sleeping with me all night.

Waiting anxiously for your advice.

Here’s our advice to Laura:

• Validate Jonah’s feelings while encouraging responsibility: Let him know you get where he’s coming from without excusing bad behavior. Something like, “I understand it’s hard feeling overshadowed, but lashing out won’t help. Let’s figure out what steps you can take next.” That way, you’re showing empathy but also holding him accountable.
• Encourage small successes and reinforce them: If he makes any effort, no matter how small, point it out. A simple, “I appreciate you helping with that,” can boost his confidence and encourage him to keep going. Those small wins can start adding up.
• Seek professional support if things feel stalling or volatile: If the tension keeps building or nothing changes, a family therapist can really help. Someone who understands blended families can guide the conversations, help rebuild trust, and give everyone space to be heard without it turning into a fight.
• Show him tough love: If he doesn’t accept going to a family therapist, you should have a conversation with your husband about potentially urging him to move out of your house. You supported him long enough, and he has done nothing to evolve. Maybe being pushed to support himself might do him good.

Living with stepkids isn’t always a walk in the park. Sometimes, things get tough and stepmothers need to make difficult decisions that change their family’s balance forever.