I Refused to Babysit My Friend’s Daughter—the Consequences Shattered Our Friendship

Having a child isn’t easy, and we often turn to our friends and family members for help. But sometimes that isn’t the best choice. Things could go wrong and ruin the relationship in the process. One of our readers, Felicia, experienced something similar and reached out to us with her story.

This is Felicia’s story.

Dear Bright Side,

My best friend, Julia, had a baby six months ago and since then, I’ve been trying my best to help her out in any way I can. I babysit whenever I get a chance and always help with household chores or groceries.

But the truth is, the task has been very daunting. I finally understand why people say parenting is hard. And this week I was hoping to take some time for myself. I had a long week at work with deadlines clashing with one another, so I spent most of my days working overtime.

Needless to say, I was really looking forward to my day off. It was Friday night, and I had just finished cooking and gotten into a relaxing bath when I received a text from Julia. She asked me to babysit her daughter the next day because she had to attend a family event.

I was exhausted, so I politely declined, telling her that I just needed one weekend to myself so I could recover from all the pressure I’ve been under. Minutes later, my phone rang. Julia called me a fake friend and told me she would cut contact if I didn’t look after the baby.

I told her that I love her daughter, and if it were any other day, I’d gladly look after her. But she put the phone down on me, and I haven’t heard from her since. After a week of going no contact, I heard something that changed my mind about her completely.

I was left in disbelief when I found out that she had hired my colleague as a part-time nanny. She was paying the woman really well and only wanted her to work when she had somewhere else that she needed to be.

It felt like a betrayal, and I started wondering if she was just using me before all this. That she was expecting me to be a free babysitter who would crumble every time she called. But the worst part was that she expected me to sacrifice my day off for her when she was willing to pay someone else.

She made me feel terrible by accusing me of being a fake friend, but now it feels like she took advantage of me every chance she got. So Bright Side, am I wrong for not wanting to go above and beyond for her anymore?

Regards,
Felicia M.

Thank you for reaching out to us, Felicia. This situation definitely isn’t an easy one, and we feel for you. So we’ve put together some tips that might come in handy.

Remember what real friendship looks like.

A true friend won’t cut you off just because you couldn’t help once. You were exhausted and needed your day off, and that’s completely fair. If she only sees you as useful when you’re doing her favors, that’s not much of a friendship. Friends should respect each other’s time, not guilt-trip one another.

Say your piece, then move on.

If you still want to try, you could send her a short message saying you weren’t trying to let her down, you were just too tired that day. If she’s open to hearing you, maybe you can clear things up. But if she doubles down and keeps calling you a “fake friend,” it’s probably best to let her go. You deserve friends who won’t drop you over something so small.

Don’t feel guilty for resting.

You’ve helped her before, and one “no” doesn’t erase all the times you said yes. Wanting rest isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. She clearly could afford to pay someone, so she chose not to respect your time. That’s on her, not you. Taking care of yourself doesn’t make you a bad friend; it makes you a balanced one.

Felicia is being wrongfully blamed in this situation, but maybe that will help her see Julia’s true colors. Sometimes the things that hurt most are the ones we need to change.

But Felicia isn’t the only one who had babysitting troubles. Another one of our readers reached out and told us why she refuses to babysit her sister’s children. Read the full story here.