I Refused to Change My Sons’ Diet for My Ex’s New Family

A man who’s a father of two kids faced a rather unexpected dilemma agreeing to co-parent with his ex-wife with mutual respect and consistency, as they both moved on with their lives. He’s now in a problematic situation that involves his kids and his ex’s family, all because of food. He then sought outside opinions from the internet on whether he was in the wrong in this situation.

He shared his story, hoping to receive unbiased opinions.

The man wrote, “My ex-wife and I (both in our 30s) divorced 7 years ago. We have two boys together, aged 8 and 9. My ex-wife remarried two years ago, and her husband brought his daughter and son into the marriage.

About five months after they got married, my ex’s husband sent me a list of foods I could not feed my kids because his daughter is allergic. And whenever my boys are at their house, his daughter struggles with her allergies. He said he heard it from my kids’ mouths that they eat those things when they’re with me.

He said anyone coming into their home needs to avoid those foods. And that I must cut them from my kids’ diet when they’re at my house, which was every other week at this time. These include: Peanut Butter, Eggs, Cheese, Strawberries, and Chocolate.”

He continued, “At first I thought it was a joke, but I got an email from this man the next time my kids went to their mom’s house, berating me for not complying with his orders. Shockingly, my ex-wife tried to sue me for custody or for it to be placed in the court-ordered custody agreement, so that our boys could not eat those things.

She lost the case on both counts. The judge told them they could not decide on what I feed my kids. So for the past year, my ex has not taken her parenting time with our kids.

Her husband is not okay with them being there if they’ve eaten those things at my house. He said his daughter could die, and even if it’s not that bad, she should not be made uncomfortable because ’a grown man child with a petty grudge would not comply with keeping a child safe out of spite for the new father in his kids’ lives’.”

The man added, “My ex blames me for her not being a mom to our kids. She told me all I needed to do was follow the list. That everyone has to. And that she’s already had some family members refuse.

Our boys miss their mom, but not their mom’s house. I have tried to plan for them to see each other, but she won’t lead or drive here. She doesn’t want to see them if they’re not in her house for her custody time. They’re not welcome while they eat those foods. And I’m not depriving them of that stuff because this man orders me to.

I have my boys in custody because of this madness. My ex didn’t handle that too well, and she told me I’m being inconsiderate and alienating the kids from her. She told me to follow the rules and let the boys have both of us.

I just want to see what others outside of the equation will think. I have support from others. But these are people who know me. Am I wrong?”

People have shared their thoughts.

A user stated, “Is the daughter licking your sons? Does the dad think they have sweat allergens? I don’t see how there can be any cross-contamination unless your kids go over with cheeks full of contraband like chipmunks. How do they handle her going to school?
Please report to the courts that the mom isn’t taking her time, so you can get full custody and child support. Making sure they don’t take allergens over is one thing, trying to control what your sons can eat when they are not there is insane.”

This led another user to agree, “Yeah, this is weird. Unless the boys are super messy when they eat and are covered in cheese and chocolate, just being in the same house should not be an issue. Make sure they bathe and change clothes when coming to Mom’s house, and the girl should be fine.
This smacks like some stupid power play that backfired. Or maybe it worked as intended by keeping the boys away from stepdad and his kids.”

Another posed a curious question, “Does everyone in the girls’ class have to abide by this list? It seems very strange that she would only have a reaction to people in her home.” The man replied, “I don’t know, but I could see him trying to enforce it on them too.”

The man additionally clarified, “It’s not just my boys, but even friends and family are expected to follow this rule, and some won’t go to her house because of it.”

Another user shared, “Physician here, this is just absurd. Your ex’s new husband has no idea how allergies work. While I’m sure they believe in using an abundance of caution, there is no need to restrict your children’s diet when they are with you.
While it’s a good idea to be cautious and wash surfaces after eating, you are not likely to develop an allergic reaction from someone who ate peanut butter, eggs, cheese, strawberries, or chocolate the day before, according to Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.
This is about control, and it does make me question why, if she misses your children so much, your wife won’t come to see them (my guess is her husband doesn’t want her to). If I had to guess, this is about her husband secretly wanting to keep her away from your children, but what do I know?
P.S. If you have been taking care of the kids full-time for a year now, you might want to look into modifying your custody and child support agreement.”

In another story, things got messy after a father not only stole from his daughter but also lied to his wife. Read more through this link.