I Refused to Date a Girl Because She Was 45 Minutes Late—I’m Not Sure If I Overreacted

Dating can feel like threading a needle in the dark—tricky and uncertain. Every move matters, and the right path isn’t always obvious. In today’s story, showing up late was the final straw on a first date.

He told his side of the story.

The OP said he had a first date lined up with a woman he met on a dating site. “We agreed to meet for coffee at 2 pm. I arrived on time,” he shared.

“At 2:10, she texted me and asked if I was at the cafe. I said yes, and she said she was at home but would leave soon and be there in 20 minutes. Basically, her text implied she was waiting to make sure I was there before she bothered to leave home.”

That didn’t sit right with him. “I was put off,” he admitted. “I took the risk she wouldn’t show and came on time. She should have too. Am I wrong?”

The OP continued: “I finished my coffee and left at 2:30. She still wasn’t there.” Then, at 2:45, she texted asking where he was.

“I said, ‘I finished my coffee and left at 2:30 when you still weren’t there as promised.’”

According to the OP, her response came in fast and angry. “She sent a series of nasty texts telling me how awful I was and how I did everything wrong. I should have texted her and told her I was leaving, etc.”

Then he laid it all out:
“Do women really expect men to sit and wait 45 minutes for them to arrive late, when the only reason they are late is to make you wait? It sure seemed like it was a game or a bad test. Either way, she failed my tests.”

The OP concluded with a direct appeal:
“I’d sure like to hear from the women on this one.”

Commenters backed him up.

• I did something similar to a guy once because he had shown up at least 20 minutes late to our two previous dates with no excuse (yeah, I know I should have ended it when it happened the first time, but I was 19 and desperate to get a bf lol). I definitely didn’t make him wait 45 minutes, but I waited to head to the date until he asked where I was. He actually wasn’t mad about it at all, which demonstrates he didn’t see anything wrong with him doing it to me. We didn’t date for very long; he ended things with me right before our next date because he made things exclusive with another girl he was seeing, then tried to hook up with me a few months later when she was out of town during spring break. Some people are just not worth your time. Kudos to you, OP, for not letting her get away with this behavior. © lowkeydeadinside / Reddit
• You dodged a bullet and held your frame. You should tell her how entitled she sounds and that she needs to do better. Then block her. © earthwalker7 / Reddit

• OP, I am glad you actually left. I hate people who are late; it doesn’t matter for what. I am not waiting more than 5 minutes, and if you are lucky, you get 10. © Vegetable-Amoeba4704 / Reddit
• You saved yourself a lot of time. I’m guessing she wanted to see how much you would put up with... And you answered that question. She’s looking for the kind of guy who will let her waste his time, and fortunately, that’s not you. © Ambystomatigrinum / Reddit
• 45 minutes after the original meet-up time, and she still expected you to be there? Yeah, I would have left as well. © bina101 / Reddit

• That is straight-up disrespect or a try for a power play.
  Whenever I’m meeting up with someone, and there’s a set time, I aim for 5 minutes early, so if something unexpected happens and I’m going to be late en route, I’ll end up being at least less late. And if I’m going to be late, I’ll contact them as soon as I know I’m going to be late, and estimate of how much, if possible.
  If the person I’m meeting up with is late, at the +10 minute mark I’ll call/message to see what’s up, and if there’s a reasonable explanation or I get a response like “Parking the car now,” I’ll wait another 10 minutes or so. After that, I bounce.
  And especially for a first date, you should be trying to make the best impression; if you blow off not leaving for the meetup until 10 minutes after you were supposed to arrive, that’s red flag #1.
  If they say, “I’ll get there as soon as I can; it will take x minutes,” I may give them x+5 minutes to arrive. She arrived at x+15. Red flag #2, which means she wasn’t even ready to go when you contacted her.
  Then she got pissy at you for not waiting around even longer? Nah, that’s Red Flag #3. Feel lucky you dodged that.
  I do have a few friends who are chronically late for everything, but since those are known quantities over decades, I’ll prepare for that. If it’s something like a dinner party or a barbecue, I’ll say something like “Show up any time after 4, but I’m serving at 6,” and they’ll more often than not show up between 5 and 5:30. But, again, if we’re going someplace together with a hard external time limit, they don’t get to pull that. © NYCinPGH / Reddit

In the tangled world of romance, things are rarely black or white. Most decisions linger in that messy middle ground. Calling it quits over someone showing up late might seem like a no-brainer at first glance, but underneath that snap judgment are layers of feelings, hesitation, and mental back-and-forth. When we dive into the ever-shifting rules of modern dating, it becomes obvious: there’s no universal playbook. Every encounter has its own flavor, shaped by who’s involved and how they see the world.