I Refused to Go to My Best Friend’s Wedding Because of Her Special Request

People
year ago

They say true friendships should always be unconditional and support each other. However, how healthy is it to always honor other people’s commitments when we have to do something we actually don’t want to? Sometimes, because we have opposing points of view, we end up on the wall of the accused and become the bad guys in the story. That’s what happened to the woman in this story, although it all depends on the angle from which you look at it.

Things started to change when I had my first child. Of course, as a mother, my lifestyle changed. We could no longer spend all our time together or stay up all night partying because I had other responsibilities now. Nor could we go on a trip with them anytime they wanted because my little boy had to go to kindergarten. And Sara didn’t like that. I felt she didn’t understand my new role as a mother. I still loved her and wanted us to spend time together, but I also love my son; he is my number one priority.

However, she did not agree with me and my personal decisions, constantly criticizing me and telling me that I had become a “boring and careless” housemother who only thought about her husband and son. These negative comments, plus her lack of understanding, caused us to drift apart. We saw each other occasionally, but I felt things were not how they used to be. However, we had a good time when we were together, like in the old days.

I immediately texted her back, telling her, “Sara, my friend, I’m so sorry about this whole situation, but I’m not going to be able to come to your wedding.” My words were an explosive bombshell for her since I was her maid of honor. Sara first asked me why and if I was joking with her. I explained to her that the invitation said no children were allowed and that if my little ones were not welcome, neither was I. She started insulting me and saying very nasty things to me. Her words were very hurtful and in terrible taste. I told her not to take it personally and explained that if she could not accept my children, it was as if she didn’t accept me.

The last words she said to me were: “I think you should respect my decision not to have kids at my wedding, it’s my special day, and I’m going to do what I want. Besides, it’s not a big deal and shouldn’t be a problem. Weddings are unsuitable for kids, and I don’t want to see them running around. This relationship is pointless if you don’t want to be a part of it. You’re not right in the head and should seek help.”

The bride should have made it clear to you at the time she asked you to be maid of honor and to plan the wedding that children aren't allowed. If that had been made clear from the get go, likely the relationship could have been saved.

-
-
Reply

Pros and cons of bringing children to weddings

Some advantages:

  • You are including all family members: Inviting children allows all family members to be present. Also, if the event is open to children, the parents will most likely appreciate the gesture. Some of the children’s best memories come from attending weddings at a very young age. Without knowing it, you could be making a positive impression on them about love and commitment.
  • Guests won’t have to worry about finding childcare: Being a parent is hard work, and sometimes leaving your child, even overnight, comes with guilt or constant worry about whether they’ll be okay with the babysitter. Finding reliable childcare can be difficult, and allowing guests to bring their children will avoid the stress that comes with it. They’ll be able to take a deep breath and enjoy the evening knowing their child is safe with them.
  • Unexpected funny moments: They may steal the spotlight from you, but their joy, unexpected funny behavior, and tenderness will melt your heart. They can also participate by scattering the flower petals as they walk down the aisle or be the ring bearers. The little ones can help hold the wedding dress as they walk down the aisle.

Certain couples choose to have a wedding without children for a variety of reasons, including:

  • More adult atmosphere: Some couples prefer to create a more formal atmosphere for their wedding. This may include music, activities, or themes inappropriate for young children.
  • Space limitations: Wedding venues often have limited capacity, making it difficult to accommodate children and adult guests. In such cases, the bride and groom may decide not to invite children to ensure that all adult guests have sufficient seating and space.
  • Budgetary considerations: Weddings can be expensive, and some couples may have budget constraints that prevent them from inviting additional guests. By eliminating children from the guest list, they can reduce food, seating, and child-specific entertainment costs.
  • Simpler planning: The presence of children may require additional planning, such as providing age-appropriate activities, caregivers, or designated areas for them. By having a child-free wedding, the bride and groom can simplify the logistics and planning process.
  • Bride and groom’s decision: While some may be disappointed or upset about not being able to bring their children to a wedding, it is important to remember that it is the bride and groom’s decision. Respecting their choice and enjoying the celebration is the best way to show consideration and understanding for them.

Is it rude not to allow parents to bring their children to a wedding?

Are your children so young that you breastfeed them? if not then what is the problem? They need their mother all the time, please so extraordinarily silly. Couldn't your mother or another adult you know babysit that day? The cubs would probably have coped without you, but with another adult just fine.
What would you do if you ended up in the hospital? You can't have your kids there, have you thought that far?
Surely the children have a father who can put up a little or do you not let him do anything with them because you think you are the only person in the whole universe who can take care of the children?
I don't understand the parents who insist on always dragging their children with them to all the parties etc. There are babysitters available and what should you do to ensure that they get social skills when they grow up and need to spend time with children of the same age. .. should you deny them this because you don't want to let go of them? Children need to meet other adults etc. and not be so dependent on mother.

-
-
Reply

Whether or not to invite children to a wedding is completely personal and depends on the bride and groom’s preferences. Some couples choose to have an adults-only wedding, while others may include children in the celebration.

Respecting the bride and groom’s choice regarding children’s attendance at their wedding is important. If only adults have been invited, respecting that decision and not bringing children without prior authorization is appropriate. If nothing is mentioned in the invitation about children attending, you can politely ask the bride and groom if children are included on the guest list. Ultimately, planning a wedding is the responsibility of the bride and groom. As a guest, you are expected to respect their decisions and enjoy the celebration according to the established conditions.

Comments

Get notifications

Your friend will likely never mature completely and if she has kids I doubt she'll be good mother but I could be wrong.

4
2
Reply

You clearly have no kids or have never experienced or even heard of things some "nannies" can do to kids when no one's looking. Maybe she doesn't have parents, siblings or other friends to look after her kids. I wouldn't leave my son with a nanny if I wan't sure she's a good person and very well recommended, and that's hard to find.

-
-
Reply

You need to find someone that you can learn to trust with your children once in a while. Believe me, its not healthy for you or your children to be with them 24/7 - 365 days. I'm speaking from experience.

You also need to respect your friend's decision to have a child-free wedding, just because she doesn't want children there doesn't mean she doesn't accept you, you're taking it too extremes, yes she didn't need to be nasty about it that was definitely uncalled for but you telling her that if she doesn't accept your kids means she doesn't accept you is actually quite petty on your part.

5
2
Reply

OP I'm with you! You sound like my family! I'm a BabyBoomer and until each of us girls was in kindergarten Mom was with us all the time. Unhealthy? Nope. Yikes.

1
-
Reply

you are what is known as a helicopter mother. hovering over your child every second. wow there is plenty of people who can watch your child and maybe some of them can do it even better then you.

2
4
Reply

Um...wow...you missed why she chooses to be close to her kids? Your last sentence sounds like OP's friend and exactly like my family...OP I'm with you!

1
-
Reply

Your friend CAN have the kind of wedding she wants. HOWEVER, she should have made it clear when she asked you that she wasn't having children at her wedding. She knew then, she was just being a B***h by waiting until the last minute so she could have you as her personal servant to help plan/organize her wedding. You're better off without her in your life.

3
-
Reply

Are your children so young that you breastfeed them? if not then what is the problem? They need their mother all the time, please so extraordinarily silly. Couldn't your mother or another adult you know babysit that day? The cubs would probably have coped without you, but with another adult just fine.
What would you do if you ended up in the hospital? You can't have your kids there, have you thought that far?
Surely the children have a father who can put up a little or do you not let him do anything with them because you think you are the only person in the whole universe who can take care of the children?
I don't understand the parents who insist on always dragging their children with them to all the parties etc. There are babysitters available and what should you do to ensure that they get social skills when they grow up and need to spend time with children of the same age. .. should you deny them this because you don't want to let go of them? Children need to meet other adults etc. and not be so dependent on mother.

-
-
Reply

Related Reads