I Refused to Have an All-Vegan Menu at My Son’s Wedding

Family & kids
8 months ago

Our wedding day is meant to be one of our happiest, meticulously planned to reflect our preferences. However, Norma felt that her daughter-in-law's decision for a strictly vegan menu was selfish, given Norma's family's love for meat. She took matters into her own hands and arranged for meat at the wedding without the bride's knowledge. This has caused significant issues, prompting Norma to reach out to us for advice.

Here is Norma’s letter:

Mark Montgomery
5 months ago

Yes. You were wrong! It was inconsiderate of you to order behind her back for HER wedding. If you wanted meat, you should have talked to her about it.

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Zanne Goldwire
5 months ago

Understanding your point however it was executed poorly...it was her special day to have in any manner she wanted. If you don't eat meat etc simply "DONT COME"...

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Kelly
8 months ago

Maybe she should have had a reception with alternative meal after the wedding celebrations. I personally would not touch anything vegan as I am on a strict carnivore diet. That way everyone could have eaten and had a good time without stepping on anyone's toes.

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Hov Gifter Uno
8 months ago

Let's stick with the ''Was I wrong?'' innuendo...Dam straight you were soooooooooo wrong!...You broke a lil' girls heart with your selfish behaviour...You need shooting!...You showed no amount of care for son or your daughter-inlaw!...You are the guy that goes through a red traffic light where there is no visible traffic & still ask yourself ''Was I wrong?''.....Slap yourself you muppet!

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Minxie
8 months ago

I'm a meat lover & I can honestly say one vegan meal, served at a wedding, isn't going to hurt anyone, unless there are allergen concerns. MIL doesn't say why the DIL is vegan... it could be a choice, it could be her religion, or it could be she's vegan because she has allergies to certain foods (some people are allergic to eggs, some dairy & there are actually meat allergies too). Hate to say it, but the MIL might not be involved in her son's life now after her petty stunt. People talk about how pushy vegans can be, but MIL's action shows meat lovers can be as well.

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Julie Vine
8 months ago

MIL won the battle and lost the war. She had no right to do what she did regardless of anyone's diatry preferences. She can look forward to a distant relationship with her son and Dil and will miss out on one on one time with her grandkids because no way will she be trusted to be alone with them,who knows what she might feed them if she gets to see them at all. She obviously thinks she is right, well she can be lonely and right,in her mind anyway. Enjoy your solitude you overbearing monster in law.

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Lora Brick
8 months ago
Julie Vine

Vegans are the monsters. Forcing their beliefs on everyone else. Then they expect others to provide food for them, but lack the respect to reciprocate. This MIL should have taken the time to let everyone know she would treat them to dinner at a local restaurant after the ceremony if they cared to join her. She should not have brought the food to the reception. Btw infants of vegans often are malnourished if fed a vegan diet.

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Paul C
8 months ago

I think it boils down to what was in the invite. If it was not clear that it was vegan only than no foul. If it was clear then people had a choice to go or not and to bring your own food on such a scale is a foul. I would leave any event where vegan food is the only option. I've had it many times and always felt like I was chewing cardboard.

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Vegans Guns
8 months ago

You are the reason the 'overbearing mother in law' stereotype exists. You could've been a good mom for one day but things had to be your way, which I'm sure you've done to your family your entire life. Which is why you feel entitled now. You are a terrible person and I hope you suffer familial consequences for it.

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Kimberly Hennen
8 months ago
Vegans Guns

Typical response from a vegan. This bride was selfish in imposing her wishes only and not providing options for those who she knew were not vegans.

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Lana McDermott
8 months ago

yes you were wrong! it wasnt your place to change her menu. people can live with a vegetarian menu for one event. stuff some beef sticks in your purse if you feel deprived

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8 months ago
Oops, the admin pressed "delete".
Keith Hanley
8 months ago

If I were your son, I would no longer want you in my life. Your son's wedding is NOT about you. For ONE FREAKING MEAL ON ONE FREAKING DAY you could eat vegan.

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Granville Joxies
8 months ago

YES ! You have a total lack of respect and disregard for the wishes of others - and went all out to spoil her most special day.

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8 months ago
This comment was too good to show it to everyone.
Dawn Manley
8 months ago
Sandra Nicosia Brown

Yes, she was. The bride made her wishes clear and MIL undermined her. Nobody has died having one meatless meal. Hit the drive-thru for burgers and fries on the way home.

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8 months ago
Shhh! The comment is asleep.
Gerry Giles
8 months ago

Well I think you were 100% right as Vegans are in the minority .............. BUT MY QUESTION DID YOU ALSO PROVIDE A VEGAN MEAL CATERER OPTION ?? if you didnt you are no longer 100% right

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April Dancer
8 months ago
Susan Tencza

So the next wedding you get invited to, you're going to get a takeaway delivered to? After all, it's in addition to what the bride and groom want.
Of course you wouldn't. Because that would be rude.

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8 months ago
The comment wasn't about avocados. Sorry, we had to remove it.
8 months ago
You can't hide three things: the Sun, the Moon and the truth. But you sure can hide a comment.
Norma Ellen Reid-Hunt
8 months ago

for one day one meal I woulld have gracefully aknowldged the
brides wishes. grab a burger before or after. not a hill worth dying over.

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Shannon Govar Hamlett
8 months ago

YES you were terribly wrong...it was not YOUR day! What a horrible, selfish and disrespectful mother-in-law you are!! Good luck being close to any future grandchildren!!

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Sue Knight
8 months ago
Shannon Govar Hamlett

I agree. Only the bride and groom should decide how their day should be organised. Talk to her well before the day and put your ideas forward but DON'T interfere if she wants it her way.

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Deirdre McCumber Dunbar
8 months ago

It was not Mom's day so she should have let the party be vegan. After the wedding you are not required to go to the reception but if you chose to then that is on you. After the festivities Mom could have supported a dining environment to her liking elsewhere.

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8 months ago
This comment will be published in 2236.

Norma, thank you for sharing your story. We have prepared a few tips we believe can help you navigate this situation.

Seek understanding and compromise.

Patricia Truett
8 months ago

ESH. Planning a wedding with total disregard for your guests comfort is selfish and mom is in the wrong for what she did. If meat eaters provide vegetarian/vegan options at their events the courtesy should go both ways.

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Initiate a calm and empathetic conversation with your daughter-in-law. Acknowledge her perspective on veganism and express regret for the misunderstanding and disruption caused by the additional catering.

Propose finding a middle ground for future family gatherings where both vegan and non-vegan options can coexist, ensuring everyone feels respected and included.

Apologize and make amends.

patricia Torres
8 months ago

It was their wedding not yours. Think of how you would have felt had it been your wedding? It really was a terrible way to start pushing your nonnegotiable views and break ties. Shouldn't you have been trying to create a bond in order to be an important family member. I think too many, mother in-laws believe that imposing their power on their daughter in-laws is okay. Clearly it's not. You were once a daughter in-law. More importantly, it really seems that respect has gone completely out the door. No one wants to give it, nor show a miniscule of it. Respect is earned but one must give in order to receive. Once you've lost respect for someone it's more difficult to regain it. If you want your son to forgive you, you must apologize to his wife because it was her wedding not yours. Her choice was her own dilemma to own, but you turned it into a force of power. All about you. Have a conscience, stop being so naive that you think you're right. Bind the bridge or part ways, with your son and daughter in-law. Own your mistake.

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Despite your initial resistance, consider apologizing sincerely to your daughter-in-law for going against her wishes. Express regret for not respecting her choice and causing distress on a day that meant a lot to her.

Offer to make amends by hosting a family dinner or event where she can plan the menu according to her preferences, demonstrating your willingness to support her decisions and reconcile the relationship.

Family mediation and resolution.

If tensions persist, suggest involving a neutral third party, like a family therapist or mediator, to facilitate a constructive dialogue between you, your son, and your daughter-in-law.

This can provide a structured environment to address underlying issues, clarify misunderstandings, and work towards rebuilding trust and harmony within the family unit.

Set boundaries and respect differences.

Establish clear boundaries for future family events regarding dietary preferences and other sensitive matters. Encourage open communication and mutual respect among family members to prevent similar conflicts.

Emphasize the importance of honoring individual choices while fostering a supportive and inclusive environment for everyone involved in family gatherings.

Leah's wedding also turned sour when the young bride insisted on proceeding with her big day despite a recent tragic family event. Read Leah's poignant story here.

Preview photo credit Ron Lach / Pexels

Comments

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Deborah Brett
8 months ago

You can't manage a single meal without meat? Really? You went behind DILs back, bought in another caterer to add meat to her vegan menu, and you don't think you massively overstepped? The compromise is this: you let the bride have her vegan menu, you shut up about it, and you go through a drivethru on the way home if you want a burger. You need to apologise abjectly.

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Yolanda Singleton
8 months ago

Your not wrong if you had a side menu/cater because some people can't eat everything. But I would have given my son this round. But I'm also very petty cause every family functions after his wedding that she attends will be a meat only function period. If she doesn't like it she can bring her own bushes and trees and berries to eat. I would not provide none of it.

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Marian Neudel
6 months ago

Just from now on never serve food at any family event. And if she, or anyone else, brings food, throw it out.

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Laeh Maggie Garfield
3 months ago

IT SEEMS MOST OF YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT FOOD AND NUTRITION. I do not eat any milk products. People don't eat meat because it is raised in a cruel manner. Same for cows and goats that produce milk. If you want low chorlestrol need or to avoid getting cancer eat vegetables and learn other ways to cook. I have eaten organic food since 1969. Not overweight, muscular frame, take only one medication. If you want to be healthy in old age, and active you will have to eat right.

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