I Refused to Let My SIL Treat Our Home Like a Hotel—My House, My Rules

Respecting someone else’s home, as a guest, is basic courtesy. For one wife, a seemingly kind act of taking in her sister-in-law, backfired in her face and taught her that even family needs to be held accountable when they overstep.

Patricia Roswell’s story.

My sister-in-law (26F) moved in with my husband (30M) and I (29F) about two months ago, after she broke up with her boyfriend. We offered her our guest room, rent-free, just until she’s ready to get back on her feet.

We only laid out three very simple rules before she moved in: To not spray strong perfumes inside the house, as I have sinuses, not to play loud music, especially late at night, and to clean up after herself.

She agreed immediately, but from day one, she broke all of them.

She broke the rules all the time.

Her perfume was so strong it made the whole hallway stink when she sprayed it in the bathroom. She blasted music through her Bluetooth speaker at midnight, and we had to ask her to turn it down multiple times. And my husband and I would come home from work to dishes piled high in the sink; that time she’d been in the house the whole day. I would then have to wash them as soon as I got home.

Despite all of this, I didn’t say much because I didn’t want to cause any drama, and my husband just pretty much told me to give her some time since she’s still adjusting to a new place.

Uninvited guest

The final straw came when she invited her ex over. The same ex she cried about for hours when she first moved in. She didn’t tell us anything, she didn’t ask us for permission to bring anyone over.

I just walked in from the store and there he was on my couch, eating my food, from my plate, with his shoes off. And she was just sitting next to him, acting like it was normal. I was really angry, but I was trying to appear calm, so I just walked past them and went to my bedroom.

But there was no way that I was going to allow this to continue.

I had to teach my SIL that disrespect isn’t tolerated in my house.

The next morning, I changed the Wi-Fi password; I left her laundry in the machine, damp and wrinkled, and I didn’t make her breakfast. Normally I make breakfast for everyone, but this time, I made enough for only my husband and I and put the rest away before she came out.

I also locked the guest bathroom door from the outside because she wasn’t valuing it.

The first thing she noticed was the Wi-Fi, and when she asked about it, I told her I’d give it to her after we spoke about the house rules because I’ve asked nicely for weeks and been completely disrespected in my own home.

We kept our word, she didn’t keep hers.

She got angry and told my husband that I wasn’t sympathetic to her situation.

Though my husband agrees with me, that she’s been a nightmare to live with, he believes I should’ve just talked to her one more time, or confronted her instead of cutting her off like that when we promised to take her in.

But I told him that we only promised her the roof over her head, everything else was kindness on our part. He understood and relayed the message to her.

I got my house back.

After a day, she asked to talk to us and said she was ready to “earn” her privileges back. I went over the same rules that I went through when she first moved in. She rolled her eyes but didn’t argue.

To my surprise, she followed through and little by little, my house started feeling like mine again.

Sincerely,
Patricia Roswell

What we can learn from this:

• Quiet actions can speak louder than words: Although the clear, direct approach of confronting her, is usually recommended, and wouldn’t have left her feeling so ambushed, your approach let her know where you really stood and how serious you were about your rules.
• Leave room for growth: Giving her an opportunity to correct her behavior also allowed her to know that you weren’t being malicious.
• Teamwork matters: Your husband’s silence in the sake of “keeping the peace” just left you with the burden to act. But it was only after coming across as a team that your sister-in-law understood that what you stand for is what he stands for too.

When your sister-in-law overstepped, it sent the message that your feelings don’t matter to her. But when you stood up for yourself, you made it known that respect isn’t optional in your home.

Families and crossing boundaries seem to go hand in hand. Find out how one mom handled it when her sister-in-law crossed a boundary with her daughter at a pool.