I Refused to Punish My Daughter After My Ex Invited the One Kid She Couldn’t Stand

Raising teenagers isn’t easy. It’s even worse when the teen is being co-parented by people who aren’t on the same page and see things differently. But things become more complex when the child asks for something and one of the parents refuses to understand.

One of our readers reached out.

Dear Bright Side,

My daughter, Amber, used to be best friends with Violet until the girl started making jokes at her expense. It took a lot of effort at counseling for her to get over what happened and when she did, she decided to cut Violet out of her life completely.

Last weekend was my daughter’s 16th birthday party, and she didn’t want much. All she wanted was a peaceful birthday with cake, close friends, and no Violet. I agreed and planned everything according to her specifications. I even sent Violet’s parents a message asking them not to bring her over.

What I didn’t know was that her parents called my ex-wife, who invited Violet anyway. She said, “We can’t have a birthday party without her best friend.” I reminded her that they weren’t friends anymore, but she brushed me off, saying, “They’ll get over it.”

The party was fine, until Violet showed up. She started making jokes about the decor and the people my daughter invited, saying that only little girls would want a party like that. Then Violet smashed the cake. My daughter was furious before, but that was the final straw for her.

My daughter snapped and shouted at her, telling Violet to stop ruining her life and get out of our house. She stormed off after that, and I found her crying in her bedroom. She was devastated and furious. Now she’s blaming my ex-wife for ruining her birthday and doesn’t want to see her.

But the worst part is that my ex-wife is blaming Amber. She says that she overreacted and that should stop acting like a spoiled brat. I was astonished at her words. I had never heard her speaking about our daughter like that before. And I don’t know why she would hurt her intentionally.

Now my ex-wife is demanding that Amber go speak to Violet and apologize for her outburst. She says that my daughter embarrassed the family and ruined her reputation in the community.

Thank you for reaching out to us. We understand how frustrating such a situation can be. So we’ve put together some tips that might help you out.

Your daughter and her decisions come first.

Your ex-wife needs to understand that your daughter and her wishes always come first. It was her birthday, and she has every right to be upset with her mother for inviting the one girl she didn’t want there. Her mother knows what happened between them, but it seems like she doesn’t care enough to truly understand.

We don’t blame your daughter for not wanting your ex in her life anymore, and right now that decision is hers to make. When she’s made up her mind, tell your ex-wife and explain why your daughter make that decision. If your ex-wife can’t accept that, then maybe you should consider filing for full custody so you can keep control over the situation.

A serious talk and the demand for apologies.

You need to have a serious talk with your ex-wife. She needs to know that she crossed lines that she shouldn’t have. She did ruin your daughter’s birthday, and there’s no way she can explain it away. She had no right to go behind your back and invite Kelly after your daughter make her wishes clear.

What your ex did is a betrayal in your daughter’s eyes, and she needs to know that. Then once all that is clear, she needs to apologize to your daughter and to Kelly’s parents because at the end of the day she is responsible for everything that went wrong that day.

She isn’t the only one.

When you’re done with your ex, you need to meet with Violet’s parents and get on the same page. They need to start off with an apology of their own because they are the ones who brought Violet over after you told them not to. They chose your ex-wife’s decisions over your own, and that’s very disrespectful.

They also need to have a serious look into Violet’s behavior because none of this would have happened if she was kept in check. And after the last incident with your daughter, they should’ve kept a closer eye on her. You can also ask them to reimburse you for the cake, as it is their daughter who destroyed it.

Dealing with an ex is never easy, but it’s even harder when children are involved. If your child is old enough, always try to include them in the decision-making process.