I Rolled My Eyes at My Boyfriend’s Proposal, and I Think Many Women Would Do So on My Place

2 months ago

Many of us have some pretty amazing memories from the day when our spouses proposed to us. It’s always nice to remember how it was, together with your beloved, even after many years of being married. But our today’s heroine treated this special day with a grain of salt, because the way to this proposal had been way too thorny for her. She told her story on Reddit, and all she wanted to know if she’s right to not feel anything after her beloved finally made this step.

The woman took to Reddit with a very emotional post.

A woman, 52, came to Reddit and started her post saying that her boyfriend of 30 years has just proposed to her. The man is 53, and he finally decided to take this step and to officially start a family, though he has been having one with his beloved already.

The woman wrote, “He just walked towards me holding a box and said to open it. It was a ring, and I had pictured this moment a million different times, but never thought I’d be so apathetic. My boyfriend then said that he was retired now and wants to kick back and enjoy life with me, and would love to do it all with me as his wife.”

Probably, the woman should have been happy, or at least satisfied with the final outcome. But for our heroine, this was a hard pill to swallow, and she explained why.

The proposal cost so much for the woman that she barely wants it.

The woman wrote, “A nice speech and all, but from the 5-year mark of our relationship onwards, I had been making clear my deep desire to marry, and was consistently dismissed, given empty promises, gaslit.”

The OP says that things even took a serious turn, and they had to apply to counselors. She revealed, “We had been through the gamut with therapy, and one counselor implied that me telling him we needed to go to therapy still means nothing if his mind has been made up. I was in denial about the fact he was just giving me the false illusion of progress to stall.”

The whole family was put on hold for years because of the man’s hesitations.

The woman revealed that they have 4 kids with her boyfriend. The oldest 3 are adults, while the youngest is 15, and she was sleeping over elsewhere when this all went down.

All of their kids went to a private school filled with typical Southern soccer parents. The woman confessed that she had to endure “moms’ jabs” about her not sharing a last name with her kids. She wrote, “Preteen years were awful because the other kids would taunt my kids by saying, ’Your dad will never marry your mom!’”

Her BF’s mom would tell him marriage would be selfish on the woman’s part; it is just a piece of paper. Her BF ended up rising up the ranks until he became an executive. The woman was a SAHM so she felt like there was always a power imbalance, exasperated by the fact she could be tossed any time. She partly did stay because she wanted her kids to have the best life and because she felt lucky and proud to be partnered with such an intelligent, successful man, but also because she loved him.

When the proposal finally happened, it wasn’t a dream anymore.

These past few years, the woman’s boyfriend’s career has taken a downturn. He will never be poor, but the company he was part of took a nosedive, and he had made enemies out of associates/ board members. He decided to step back from his role and take the generous severance agreed upon. Now he is living off his investments and wants to relax.

The woman revealed that she did not like how his career ended and how he treated people, and had been deciding whether she wanted to leave and find somebody else after their youngest turns 18. So the proposal was a shock because she hoped that he noticed she has avoided conversations about the future as of late.

The woman wrote, “He rattles on about downsizing ‘our’ house so we can travel and also cutting back on our other expenses, but we’re not married so it’s all his money/house anyway. He did notice my eye roll and was offended. He asked what’s wrong and I said that suddenly now that he’s downsizing I’m good enough to marry.”

The reaction of her boyfriend was predictable, the woman wrote, “He got mad and said that now that he’s downsizing and no longer an executive, I suddenly think our relationship is disrespectful. And started implying I was a gold digger. I was so angry I walked out and said I might just go out looking for a respectful relationship because I don’t know what respect is anymore.”

After some time things took even a more dramatic turn.

Recently, the woman posted an update about her story. She revealed that her boyfriend no longer wants to go forward with marrying but says if she’d like to travel with him that’s fine. Him traveling is non-negotiable and so if she wanted to get a job it would have to be a remote job. It was a sad conversation, and she spent a few hours alone after that.

She wrote, “We fought again with me saying we’re all feeling the effects of age, I’ve supported him through health issues, and if he thinks he can just find somebody who has that loyalty I’ve shown him, he’s wrong. At this point, I’m looking for ways out.”

“I can’t say I haven’t been tempted to say I’ll travel with him and try to get a remote job but also realize how resentful I am that he continues to need to have the power in the relationship. I don’t think I’ll ever know my value truly, but something telling me there has to be better out there, at least in a partner.”

And here’s a yet more dramatic story of a woman, who regrets saying “I do” to her husband-to-be, because he proposed to her with an inexpensive ring.

Comments

Get notifications
Lucky you! This thread is empty,
which means you've got dibs on the first comment.
Go for it!

Related Reads