In families, love, understanding, and shared values are like threads that create strong bonds. But what happens when a small misunderstanding disrupts this harmony? This is the story of a dinner that seemed harmless but became a battleground for beliefs, trust, and betrayal.
Kate, 38 years old woman, reached out to us with a heartfelt letter, asking for advice on the conflict with her sister, which had literally torn the family apart. She started her letter, "My sister and I have always been especially close despite our different personalities and lifestyles, and the birth of children only strengthened our bond."
"She's been a vegan for almost half of her life. Despite her diligent approach to her diet, she never passes judgment on others for their choices. And I really respect this about her."
"She has two kids (a 6-year-old son and an 8-year-old daughter) who are very close to my kids (a 9-year-old daughter and a 7-year-old son). She has crafted a special menu and compiled a list of foods that her children can enjoy, because she's trying to raise them as vegans. But she claims that it's perfectly fine if her children opt not to follow a vegan diet and express a desire to eat meat, but she won't be the one providing it for them."
Kate continued her story, "A while back, her kids stayed over at my place. My kids wanted tacos for dinner, so I offered to make vegan alternatives for my niece and nephew. However, they insisted on eating meat."
"Even though my sister had said it was okay for them to have meat, I jokingly told them not to tell their mom. I was half-serious because she can be quite dramatic about these things. Everything was fine until the next morning. I woke up to a terrible scream."
"When I went to see what was happening, I found my vegan sister standing in the kitchen, her face filled with fury. Her children were sitting at the table in pure shock."
"'What have you done?' my sister screamed at me. I glanced at the kitchen counter, where the remnants of last night's taco dinner lay scattered. And then it hit me. I had forgotten to mention to my sister that the tacos weren't vegan. 'I'm sorry,' I stammered, feeling a wave of guilt wash over me. 'I didn't realize they weren't supposed to eat meat. They asked for tacos, and I thought...'"
"'You thought?' My sister's voice rose with each word, her hands balling into fists at her sides. 'You thought it was okay to feed my children something that goes against everything I believe in? That goes against their health and well-being?'"
"Tears welled up in her eyes as she turned to her children, her voice softening but still tinged with anger. 'Did you know what you were eating?' The kids exchanged nervous glances before nodding silently. 'We wanted tacos like our cousins,' the older one mumbled, her lower lip trembling."
If, as you say, your sister has pre-approved meat as long as it will not come from her, you were entirely in the right. Perhaps you might have notified her in advance but were under NO obligation to do so. Your sister, AS WELL AS your parents, are
being totally unreasonable, However, it is doubtful that they will ever acknowledge their bullheadedness.
Concluding her letter, Kate wrote, "She turned back to me, her expression hardened. 'I can't believe you would betray me like this.' I opened my mouth to apologize again, but she held up a hand to silence me. 'I don't want to hear it.' With that, she grabbed her children's hands and stormed out of the kitchen, leaving me standing there, feeling like the worst sibling in the world."
But this was only the start of a bigger family problem. In her letter, Kate mentioned that the argument not only made things difficult between the sisters, but also impacted her relationship with their parents. "Over the following weeks, I tried to reach out to my sister, to apologize and make amends, but she remained stubbornly distant. I regret that I didn't talk to my sister before giving her kids food she doesn't allow. But I also considered her children's choices because they can decide for themselves what they want to eat."
"I also found out that I was banned from attending family events not only at my sister's house but also at my parents' house, because I might sabotage her lifestyle. It really hurt me deeply. I really miss my sister and nephews. I hope your readers can give me advice on what I can do in this tough situation."
Dear Kate, thank you for sharing your story with us! We’re hopeful that our readers can offer you the advice you need. Please feel free to share your opinion in the comment section below.
“I never force my son to say SORRY and THANK YOU — it could psychologically traumatize him,” another reader wrote to Bright Side to share her unique parenting style and to seek advice from other parents. She often faces criticism about her methods of upbringing and wants to know if other parents have had similar experiences.
If I visited a Vegan household for dinner, they wouldn't serve me meat, because they are philosophically opposed to eating animals.
I eat plant based, but am not of the Vegan philosophy. I wouldn't want to eat meat because I have decided to commit to plant based eating for health.
The mother of the children has to prepare their food if she is sending them to stay in a carnivore household. If it seems weird to her children, it is her responsibility, as their mother, to explain to them why she has chosen Veganism. She must take the responsibility. Her reaction will only create tension and rebellion in her children.
Don't absorb your sister's responsibility. She needs to follow through on her own convictions and work harder at them, not blame others when she let's herself and her kids down. She is making the mistakes - not you. Forgive her - she has disappointment and trouble ahead.
