I Told My Coworkers I’m Child-Free, Now HR Is Involved

We recently heard from a reader who shared a moment that started with a casual lunch conversation — and ended with an HR meeting. It was one of those typical workplace chats: someone asked if she had kids or when she planned to “start trying.”

Her letter

“So at lunch the other day, someone asked if I had kids or ‘when I planned to start trying.’ I said, ‘Nope, not having kids. I’m sterilized.’

Cue awkward silence and the usual ‘You’ll regret it’ comments.

Thought that was the end of it. Nope. A week later, HR pulls me into a meeting saying someone felt uncomfortable because I shared ‘medical info.’

All I did was answer a question honestly.

Meanwhile, everyone else talks about pregnancy, daycare, baby poop, and IVF constantly. But me saying ‘I had a tubal ligation’ is TMI?

Didn’t get written up, but now I’ve got a target on my back. Avoiding lunch convos, people acting weird, one coworker even unfollowed me on LinkedIn.

Just existing as a happy, child-free woman = HR risk now? Cool.”

Choosing to be child-free: A quiet struggle

Voluntary childlessness, also known as being childfree, refers to the deliberate decision not to have or adopt children. The term childfree was first documented in 1901 and gained broader popularity during the feminist movements of the 1970s.

Today, the number of women choosing not to have children is rising globally, especially in developed countries. In Europe, rates of childlessness among women aged 40 to 44 are highest in Austria, Spain, and the United Kingdom.

Some women become mothers out of fear—fear of regret, stigma, or being alone—rather than true desire. Psychologists see clients on all sides of the decision: those who are certain they want children, those who are certain they don’t, and many who are deeply conflicted.

For these women, deciding whether to have children is a subtle, internal process. It means listening closely to your own voice, separating personal desire from cultural expectations, and facing fears on both sides—fears of motherhood and fears of choosing not to be one.

It’s also important to reflect on how personal history—like childhood neglect or trauma—might shape your stance on motherhood. The more honestly we confront these fears and influences, the more empowered our decisions become.

Choosing to be child-free isn’t always easy. But giving yourself permission to ask the question—and take your time with the answer—is an act of deep self-respect.

Why coworkers can judge you.

Many people rely on something to stay sharp at work—whether it’s a double espresso, anxiety meds, or ADHD prescriptions. But research shows we often judge coworkers for using the exact same tools we quietly depend on ourselves.

According to a study in the Journal of Consumer Research, people tend to view their own aids as justified “enhancements,” while assuming others are cheating or less capable. In competitive environments like the workplace, that bias becomes stronger.

This double standard creates stigma—where honesty about needing help can backfire socially or professionally, even in a workplace full of quiet enhancers. The reality? Most people get help. We just pretend we don’t.

So you can be judged for the decisions you’ve made while others are still hesitating.

And until we recognize that, we’ll keep punishing others for being honest about the very things we hide ourselves.

13 Coworkers Who Took Workplace Drama to New Levels