I'm Forced to Choose Between My Daughter and My Stepson

Blended families often come with unique challenges, especially since kids are already adjusting to so many changes. Every situation feels a little more delicate, making conflict even harder to navigate. One woman reached out for advice after discovering her new husband hadn’t set aside a college fund for his son—and then asked if they could split the money she saved for her own daughter. Now, she’s struggling to figure out how to handle this tricky situation.

Thanks for trusting us with your story—we know this isn’t an easy situation. Blended families can be tricky, and it’s not always clear how to keep things fair while protecting everyone’s feelings. To help, we’ve put together some advice on how to rebuild harmony at home.

Reassure your daughter directly.

Your daughter is probably feeling scared and confused, so it’s important to clear this up with her as soon as possible. Explain that saving for her education has been a priority since she was little and that this money was set aside just for her. Let her know you understand why she’s upset.

She needs to know you’re her advocate, and that no amount of arguing will change your commitment to her future. This conversation will help her feel secure and remind her that you’ve always had her back.

Speak to both kids together to clear the air.

If your husband already told his version of the story to both kids, you should take the time to set the record straight—calmly and honestly. Let them know that you care about both of them, but that the college fund was something you created long before your blended family existed.

Make sure your stepson knows this isn’t about treating him unfairly, but rather honoring a promise you made to your daughter when she was born. Reassure both kids that this doesn’t mean you won’t help your stepson find other ways to fund his education.

Discuss financial boundaries with your husband.

This situation highlights a much bigger issue about financial boundaries in your marriage. You need to set clear expectations about money moving forward, especially when it comes to your pre-marriage savings.

Make sure he understands that funds you saved before you even knew him are not marital property, to be divided at his discretion. Be firm, but also offer to work together on ways to help his son with his own college plans. This is about protecting what you saved for your daughter, not refusing to care about your stepson’s future.

Set a plan for helping your stepson.

While you don’t owe your stepson a share of your daughter’s fund, you can show you care about his education in other ways. Offer to sit down as a family and brainstorm ways to help him—part-time work, scholarships, community college, or even small contributions from your current household budget.

By showing that you care, you soften the perception that you’re playing favorites, while standing firm that the college fund itself is off-limits. This proactive approach can also model for both kids that money conversations can be handled with creativity and fairness, not secrecy and blame.

Another unexpected family dispute unfolded when a woman decided to get rid of her stepdaughter’s cat to keep her own daughter safe. Check out the full story to see how this difficult situation played out.