Having a kid isn’t a decision that should be taken lightly. At times, our parents try to pressure us into it so we can expand the family before they “get too old.” But when it comes to a clash, it could ruin relationships. One of our readers learned that lesson the hard way.
Dear Bright Side,
My parents are from an older generation, and they’re very traditional. They are firm believers of the settle down, get married, have kids mindset. But I’m the complete opposite. So you can imagine how upset they were when I told them that I chose my career over having a child.
But over time, I did grow to want children, and I got my baby last month. The surrogacy was something I kept from them because I wanted to surprise them. I expected them to be happy. She was the grandchild they had always wanted, after all. But they weren’t happy.
Instead, my father’s expression was cold, and I could instantly tell that he was annoyed. Then he said, “You should’ve done things the right way.” He said that they wanted a grandchild that was related to them by blood, and that I “stole” another family’s baby.
I was shocked and confused, but he didn’t end there. He also said the baby was a stranger to them because they weren’t involved in the process. My mom was crying and said that I didn’t do any of this the right way.
I was speechless. I had no idea what my parents were talking about or why they were being so cold about the situation. But then it hit me. They probably thought that the baby was adopted. It was the only thing that matched what they were saying.
I laughed at the misunderstanding and told them that Ava is my biological daughter, but we used a surrogate instead because I couldn’t take too much time off work. But that didn’t help at all. It just made them colder.
My father told me that I was being a lazy parent for not going through the process myself. He said that if I started this way, then I would spend my life depending on other people to take care of my child. I tried to explain that it wasn’t true, but neither of them believed me, and things kept escalating.
I left shortly after that. They were starting to argue their point, and I wasn’t willing to listen to it anymore. It didn’t matter how we conceived. Ava was ours, and if they couldn’t accept it, that was their problem. My mother called me a few hours later to apologize, but it was already too late.
I told her that I was done being treated like an outsider in my own family. If they couldn’t be happy for me, they had no place in my life. I’ve been receiving calls since then, but I’m ignoring them. My husband thinks I’m being unfair, and I should put more effort into explaining the situation to them.
So Bright Side, what are your thoughts? Was I wrong to cut them off like that?
Regards,
Mandy H.
(My husband thinks I’m being unfair, and I should put more effort into explaining the situation to them.) == Ok, bring your husband to your parents next time, let him have the same hateness like you. And give your parents the last chance. If they still fail you, then cut them off. An eye 👁️ for an eye 👁️, a teeth 🦷 for a teeth 🦷
Dear Mandy,
Thank you for reaching out to us and sharing your story. This isn’t an easy situation to deal with, especially since your parents are so traditional.
Your parents’ reaction came from a place of outdated beliefs, not logic or love, and that’s the painful truth you’re facing. To them, family is built through tradition and physical experience, not intention and emotional connection.
But that doesn’t make them right. You made a deeply personal choice that aligned with your circumstances and your values. Surrogacy doesn’t make you “less” of a mother. It simply means science helped you achieve what love and desire for a family had already set in motion.
Before you decide to cut them off completely, try one calm, factual conversation, not to seek approval, but to set the record straight. Let them know that this isn’t a debate about biology. It’s about respect. If they still choose judgment over joy, then you’ll know that distance isn’t punishment, it’s protection.
You’re not depriving your daughter of grandparents, they’re depriving themselves of knowing a child who was wanted, planned, and loved from the very start.
Mandy has some tough decisions to make moving forward. But she isn’t the only one who is struggling with her family.
Another one of our readers reached out for advice on their family situation. Read the full story here: My Parents Forgot About Me My Entire Life, Then Suddenly Wanted My Help.
