My Family Took Me for Granted as a Doctor—Now I’m Questioning Everything

Being fully supported by your family in pursuit of what you want in life might make you feel indebted to what you are now. It could make you walk on eggshells around them, or just do them favors. Emilia did the latter and is now walking on a tightrope.

This is Emilia’s letter:

Dear Bright Side,

Growing up, I was told by my parents to be a Doctor to help those in need. My relatives seconded and said that they would brag about me if I pursued it, being the first doctor in the family. I’ve been into science ever since, so pursuing what the grown-ups told me never felt like a chore.

To summarize my medicine journey, it was difficult, shed many tears, doubted myself, had sleepless nights, but in the end it was all worth it. It was rewarding, and I’m proud of surviving it. Of course, my family celebrated my achievements. Their support since day one got me going, actually.

Now, I’m a doctor, so it felt natural to help my family. I’ve accommodated their health concerns to the best of my ability and availability. Even on my day off, they would contact me just to ask about their conditions.

One time when I was doing my rounds, I got a call from my uncle saying he couldn’t breathe, but I also had an emergency with my patient, so I ended up hanging up the call. My uncle didn’t receive it well, and I felt guilty about it. After that, I’ve been more attentive to my family’s health concerns.

Last week, I had a very busy duty that left me very tired. I was sleep-deprived, so I planned to use my day off resting and sleeping to my heart’s content.

But my aunt called at midnight about her son’s cough, just when I was about to drop myself on my bed. It felt wrong, and I felt used. I explained I couldn’t offer advice without proper consultation and that I’m tired from work.

The next morning, I was confused to find many missed calls from my mom, cousin, and even a few distant relatives. My cousin accused me of ignoring family. She even brought up the time I hung up on my uncle, her dad, to guilt-trip me. She even added in her message that lately I’m being arrogant because I am a Doctor.

While processing her message, my mom called and said, “You’re too busy to help your own family now? We supported you to be there, now you’re being ungrateful. It’s embarrassing!” It broke me, I am tired, and now my family is rubbing in past favors they’ve done.

I’m now thinking if they persuaded me to be a Doctor so that they can use me to their convenience. This made me realize that helping family too much was damaging my own well-being. I have to find a way to say no, even if it hurts. But I don’t know how.

I’m hoping to get some advice.
Emilia

A message from Bright Side.

It might be hard saying no to your family, especially with how they were keeping score of what they did in the past. It’s unhealthy and painful. But keep in mind that being available 24/7 isn’t sustainable, and it makes you exhausted. You’ve poured yourself into becoming a doctor not just out of passion, but out of love for your family, and that’s something to be proud of. But there are limits to what you can do for them.

It’s necessary for you to have boundaries; it’s not selfish. Take it as a step in taking care of yourself. You are still helping people every single day. But you can’t pour from an empty cup. Being a doctor doesn’t mean you’re on-call for every relative at any hour, especially not at the expense of your own health and peace.

If saying “no” feels hard, start small. Try saying that you want to help, but you’re off-duty right now and need rest to function tomorrow. Or recommend they visit a clinic or ER when things are urgent. This would show that you’re not rejecting them, but you’re directing them to the care they actually need.

The guilt might feel heavy, but it’s not a sign you’re doing wrong. You care. But caring doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself endlessly. You deserve rest. You deserve respect. And boundaries aren’t walls, they’re doors you get to choose when to open.

Take a deep breath. You’re a human who’s allowed to feel what you feel, a caring person capable of setting boundaries and choosing yourself.

In another story, Joy was asked to sacrifice her advanced and well-planned vacation for the sake of a mother who suddenly needed time off the same week she had planned her vacation. Find out what happened next in this link.