My Husband Blamed Me for Ruining Our Holiday, and I Served a Sweet Revenge

When the husband of our reader snapped over something she couldn’t control, she decided to make a statement. What she did next shocked him and left their relationship hanging in the balance. Read the full story below.

Dear Bright Side,

For the weekend, we stayed at a 5-star resort to celebrate our anniversary. I suddenly got my period. Because of the severe pain, we couldn’t do all our plans. On our last day, my husband suddenly snapped at me, “You ruined our holiday!” I apologized, but he doubled down, saying he had had enough of my period pain.

I told him it was natural for women to have periods and that it wasn’t my choice to be in pain. We ended up not talking for the entire flight back. When we got back, I was still hurt by what he said. I wanted to do something about it. So, I talked to my best friends, went online, logged into the resort’s website, and rebooked the exact same trip—same room, same package. The only difference was, this time I put my best friend’s name down instead of his.

The next morning, I left the confirmation email open on the kitchen counter. He saw it and got excited, thinking I had booked the trip for us again—"To fix the things I ruined." When I told him, “No, this one’s for me and Anna,” he went completely silent. I could see how shocked he was. So now he’s upset and says I’m being petty and “destroying the marriage over one comment.”

Do you also think I needed to just let it go and move on, or was I right? I feel like I’m just showing him that it’s not okay to blame me for something I can’t control. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you!

Cheryl T.

Hi Cheryl,

You’re not necessarily wrong for being upset, and he’s not completely wrong for being disappointed by the trip not going as planned. What’s important now is how you both handle that disappointment. There are a few things to consider before deciding how to move forward.

• Your husband’s frustration with your period pain can be understood. But the way he treated you is problematic for several reasons. He responded to your discomfort as if it were an inconvenience to him, which dismisses the fact of your physical and emotional state. Instead of empathizing, he blamed you, which can make you feel like your pain is not valid or that you’re being a burden.

• When your husband snapped at you, he likely didn’t understand how unbearable period pain can be. He may not have been aware that period pain isn’t just uncomfortable. So, this situation could be an opportunity to educate him about dysmenorrhea and the symptoms women can experience. You can even mention that some of them are pretty severe: women may vomit and even faint. This information might make him more compassionate the next time you’re in pain.

• Rebooking the trip for you and your friend may have been an emotional response, but it might have caused more confusion and hurt in the long run. While you’re absolutely justified in feeling upset, using the same trip to make a point can backfire. Your husband is now upset, which seems to be shifting the focus away from his hurtful comment and onto the new situation you’ve created.

• While it might feel good in the moment to act out, it could be more effective to have a calm conversation. Open the conversation with how he can support you in the future, rather than focusing on the past. As we can see, it’s not a big problem to rebook the tour for you. You could agree on it while you were still there, and this could ease the tension. Also, communicate that you deserve empathy, respect, and understanding, especially when you’re physically vulnerable. Express that what hurt wasn’t just his words, but the lack of compassion and the assumption that your pain wasn’t valid.

We hope this perspective helps you find a way forward that restores understanding, rather than creating more distance.

Best,
Bright Side

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