My Husband Paid for His Son’s GF’s Trip Instead of My Daughter’s

3 months ago

Blended families sometimes encounter difficulties in treating all children equally. This was the case for Madison's family when her husband requested that her daughter skip a family trip, so his son's girlfriend could go instead. Matters worsened upon their return, prompting Madison to seek our advice.

This is Madison’s letter:

Cindy Perry Faircloth

3 weeks ago

#1: Without question I would have been at home with my daughter...probably packing my bags and finding a new place to live and filing for divorce!

Doug N Kim Griswold

month ago

Might have started a "Go Fund Me" page for the vacation ticket. Otherwise, the girls is what, EIGHTEEN years old and can do what she pleases. Should have considered the options when the vay cay was STILL in the planning stages. Good Grief. SOLVE problems before they become problems.

Deborah Mylott McKinnon

month ago

This was both inappropriate and mean to treat your daughter this way.But I have to ask myself why you allowed it to happen at all? ,You are blaming uour husband,and taking no responsibility for your action...allowing it to happen. I'm also shocked that a 16 year old would be allowed to travel to a foreign country with a boyfriend! Your daughter has a right to her feelings. You chose a stranger over her!
If you plan to stay in this relationship with husband, clearly you need family counseling to sort this out and set boundaries. For now, I would leave the daughter with her Dad and allow her to heal. Good Luck to all of you.

Debby Morge

month ago

I would have taken my daughter on vacation without the husband,In fact I wouldn't be married to a man who could do something like this,When your old and need help call your son.

Isabel Cannon

month ago

You should have stayed home with your daughter
You have never set your priorities

David Sofita

month ago

Does he pay for everything? You have no source of income? Are you and your daughter living off his money? Because then, being his money, he is right, so that his son feels good

Sandy Breyer

2 months ago

Do you have any income? i would have told my husband "Fine, I will take my daughter where she wants to go." and then put it all on his charge card.

Joyce Hatzidakis

2 months ago

This one is totally on the poster, if you thought th girlfriend shouls not go speak up, if you wanted the daughter to go speak up, if you thought it was wrong don't go, why is he in charge of everything while you act like poor me my husband did this aweful thing to me and my daughter.

Tony Flynn

2 months ago

Ok so from the way you said Europe, I will assume you're American, hence that sence of entitlement running through the veins of the post. You say your daughter is 18, so an adult, why could she not pay for herself? you say, you blame your husband for leaving his stepdaughter behind, you left your actual daughter behind - so obviously the trip was more important to you then your daughter is. You also mention he raised your daughter for 11 years with little or no help from her biological father, so that is going to be 10 holidays, 10 christmasses, 10 birthdays, you get the idea yet. There is also the fact you did not mention yourself offering to pay for your daughter or helping out with any other expenses, so now you just sound like a free loader with a child, that got upset because someone else got an egg from your golden goose.

G Fraser

3 months ago

Time to review your priorities !

Callie Ge

3 months ago

11 years & he still doesn’t see her as his daughter, he never will. Divorce him.

Jacinta van Rijs

3 months ago

Your own cruelty to go with him , you mean.

Marleina Hershberg

3 months ago

You actually went without your daughter, when this was wrong?? Divorce this idiot! When you're living as a family unit, that fam comes first!!

Deirdre McCumber Dunbar

3 months ago

Your daughter is 18 and is making the best choice for herself. She is not wanted or valued in your current home.Maybe you should follow your daughter's lead and go live with you ex.

Thank you for sharing your story, Madison. We’ve prepared four tips that might help you.

Seek family counseling.

Joann

month ago

Why didn't YOU stay home with her??? I don't blame her for leaving, I blame you for not staying. You don't deserve a daughter.

Given the emotional complexity and the deep wounds caused by this situation, seeking professional family counseling can be helpful. A neutral third party can help facilitate open and honest communication between you, your daughter, and your husband.

This can create a safe space for everyone to express their feelings and work towards understanding each other's perspectives. It might also help address underlying issues in your relationship with your husband and stepchildren, ensuring such situations are handled better in the future.

Apologize and rebuild trust with your daughter.

A heartfelt apology to your daughter for not standing up for her is crucial. Acknowledge her feelings and validate her pain. Explain the situation from your perspective, but don't make excuses. Show her that you understand why she feels betrayed, and emphasize your commitment to making amends.

Spend quality time with her, and involve her in decisions that affect her, demonstrating that her opinions and feelings are valued. This effort can help rebuild the trust that was lost.

Set clear boundaries and expectations with your husband.

Have a serious discussion with your husband about the impact of his decisions and words on your family dynamics. Establish clear boundaries and expectations for how decisions, especially those involving children from both sides, should be made in the future.

Emphasize the importance of treating all children fairly and respectfully. This can prevent future conflicts and ensure that both your daughter and stepson feel valued and included.

Encourage your daughter to express herself.

Encourage your daughter to openly express her feelings, whether through conversations, journaling, or art. This can help her process her emotions and feel heard. Suggest that she write a letter to you and her stepdad, detailing her feelings and experiences. This can provide insight into her perspective and help you understand the depth of her hurt.

Additionally, showing her that you are willing to listen and understand can foster a stronger emotional bond and aid in healing the relationship.

Carla, a stepmom, has recently been asked to care for her three stepchildren alone all day. Feeling distressed and fed up, she approached her husband's ex-wife for compensation for her babysitting. What happened next was completely unexpected. Here is her story.