My Husband Refused to Sleep Next to Me Because I Don’t Shower After Work

8 months ago

Recently, a reader reached out to us, courageously sharing a deeply personal dilemma that has not only impacted her relationship but also cast a shadow on her family dynamics. The gravity of her situation resonates beyond the confines of her own experiences; it trickles into the lives of her children, who observe the tension and strain within their home.

A message from a woman saying her husband doesn't sleep with her as she doesn't shower after work.

Thank you, Lisa. We want to express our understanding of the sensitive situation you’re experiencing, and we commend you for seeking guidance to resolve this issue. Here are some tips that we believe can help.

Present him with scientific studies.

It is undoubtedly challenging when misunderstandings about personal hygiene arise, especially within your profession as a gynecologist. We completely understand how embarrassing and uncomfortable it can be when someone questions your hygiene practices. In situations like these, presenting scientific studies and research articles can be a powerful way to provide evidence-based information that supports your routines and the precautions you take at work.

Thoroughly explain your hygiene routine to your husband in and outside the house.

First and foremost, communication is key in resolving misunderstandings. You should have attempted to explain your routine to your husband. To help him understand your perspective better, consider having an open and honest conversation with him.

Choose a time when both of you are calm and relaxed, and express your feelings and concerns without judgment. Be patient and empathetic, allowing him to share his worries as well.

Invite him to join you, if that’s allowed.

Additionally, it might be helpful to provide him with more information about the precautions you take at work. Explain in detail the hygiene protocols you follow, including the use of gloves and other protective measures. This can help alleviate his concerns about your exposure to gems during your workday.

You could also consider inviting him to join you during one of your workdays, if appropriate and allowed, so he can witness firsthand the precautions you take and gain a better understanding of your professional environment. This experience might help dispel any misconceptions he may have.

Reassure him.

In addition to addressing his concerns directly, it’s important to reassure him of your commitment to personal hygiene and the well-being of your family. Perhaps you could establish a compromise, such as showering immediately upon returning home to ease his worries. Demonstrating your willingness to make adjustments can go a long way in rebuilding trust and understanding in your relationship.

Consider involving a third party.

Lastly, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a therapist or counselor, to facilitate a constructive conversation between both of you. A professional can provide guidance and support in navigating this challenging situation. Taking this step can significantly contribute to rebuilding trust, enhancing communication, and finding common ground within your relationship. Their professional guidance and support can pave the way for a more harmonious and fulfilling partnership, allowing both of you to navigate this challenging situation with resilience and understanding.

We hope these suggestions prove helpful in resolving the tension within your relationship. Remember, patience, understanding, and open communication are key ingredients in overcoming misunderstandings. Wishing you the best of luck in finding a resolution that works for both you and your husband.

We eagerly await Lisa’s feedback after she implements our suggestion, hoping that it will benefit her relationship. In our upcoming article, we will unravel the mysteries behind hygiene practices and find how often we need to shower, according to experts and scientists.

Preview photo credit Stefano C. / Alamy Stock Photo


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Or you could just so something as simple as take a shower after work? Its not like it is some sort of punishment and it IS obviously something very worrisome to him and if it got you two back in bed together then YAY!


how about a compromise? if you are too busy after work, I get it, dinnertime, homework, housework, then how about at least showering before going to bed? saves time in the morning too


Taking a morning shower and then working all day makes for a very odious experience for the partner by bed time. She doesn't recognize it because she's become accustomed to herself. If not a full shower I would suggest a compromise by at least cleaning of underarms and vaginal area.


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