My MIL Body Shamed Me — But My Husband's Reaction Hurt Even More

Motherhood is often celebrated as a time of joy, but for one woman, it has become a struggle for validation and respect. After a difficult pregnancy, instead of finding support, she’s faced criticism from her mother-in-law and a lack of empathy from her husband.

We received a letter from our reader Susie, who is hoping to get support from our editorial team and from you, our readers.

“Before I got pregnant, my relationship with my mother-in-law was... tricky, to say the least. She’s the type who always has an opinion, on everything. From how to run a household to what a ’good wife’ should look like, she doesn’t hold back. I tried to let her comments about my housekeeping roll off my back, but honestly, they stung. Still, I figured that’s just her way and did my best to keep the peace.

My husband had always been my safe space — or at least I thought so. He’s more of a peacemaker and hates conflict, which often meant staying quiet when his mom crossed a line. I told myself he was just trying to avoid drama, but it hurt that he wouldn’t stand up for me. I convinced myself it’d all change when we started our own family.

When I got pregnant, I thought things might improve, that maybe this baby would bring us closer. But instead, my pregnancy highlighted cracks that had always been there.”

Susie went through a challenging pregnancy, during which she had difficulty gaining weight for a significant amount of time.

“During pregnancy, I had severe toxicosis, that made eating a nightmare. Yet, my MIL kept nagging me about ’overeating’ and even called me ’overweight’ even though I gained only 7 kilograms whenever I managed to keep anything down due to severe toxicosis. My husband stayed silent, and I started feeling more and more alone.

I kept holding onto the hope that once the baby arrived, everything would get better. I imagined us celebrating as a family, finally on the same page. So, after delivery, I asked my husband to order and get all my favorite foods: sushi, pizza, etc. All the unhealthy treats I’d missed. It felt like a small way to reclaim a bit of happiness after months of feeling miserable. I thought he understood how much that meant to me.”

Instead of a joyous homecoming, Susie felt betrayed by the one person she trusted most — her husband.

“But when I got home with the baby, exhausted but excited about a little joy, my jaw dropped to see an empty refrigerator, except for a sad pile of veggies. Confused, I asked if he’d forgotten. He didn’t even pause. ’You need to lose the pregnancy weight,’ he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. ’Look at your tummy, I wanted to help you start off right.’

His words hit me like a slap. After months of sickness, criticism from his mom, and the sheer exhaustion of childbirth, this was his priority? Not celebrating what I’d been through, not acknowledging how much I’d given, but making a point about my body???”

Susie knows divorce isn’t the answer but struggles to communicate with her husband and seeks advice.

“At that moment, I felt invisible. I didn’t need diet advice or someone policing my body. I needed kindness, understanding, and a moment to feel like myself again. Instead, I was left questioning the support system I thought I had and wondering how I was supposed to navigate this new chapter when I already felt so unappreciated.

I feel so terribly lonely. I decided to go to my parents for a week because I just can’t stay in a place where I am constantly criticized instead of supported. I realize that divorce over such a situation is not an option, but I don’t know how to solve this conflict.

How can I appeal to my husband and MIL to leave me alone and show me some kindness? Right now, I feel like I’m carrying all the weight of this family’s expectations, and I just don’t know how to find my voice in the midst of it all.”

Susie, we are very grateful for your openness and are deeply sorry to hear that you feel this way.

It’s incredibly tough to navigate a situation where the people you need the most are making you feel criticized instead of supported. Taking time at your parents’ house was a smart first step, it gives you the space to reflect, process your emotions, and think about how to approach the situation.

First, it’s important to recognize that your feelings are completely valid. You’ve been through so much with your pregnancy, birth, and the transition to motherhood. Let’s focus on practical strategies to help you address postpartum relationship issues, set boundaries with in-laws, and rebuild support within your family. Here are some steps to consider.

1. Prioritize Self-Care

• Self-compassion: Remind yourself that you’ve just been through a life-changing experience. Gaining only 7 kilograms during pregnancy and dealing with postpartum recovery is a testament to your strength. Be kind to yourself.
• Rest and recovery: Make sure you’re prioritizing rest and recovery, even if it means setting boundaries to limit unnecessary stress from visitors or household responsibilities.
• Stress management: Consider mindfulness practices, like deep breathing or gentle yoga, to manage postpartum anxiety caused by in-law criticism.

2. Communicate Assertively with Your Husband

• Choose a calm moment: When you’re ready, sit down with your husband in a low-stress environment to express your feelings.
• Use “I” statements: Focus on how you feel rather than placing blame. For example, “I’ve felt really lonely and unsupported lately. After such a tough pregnancy, I was hoping for more understanding and encouragement.”
• Be specific about your needs: Explain what kind of support you need from him, such as standing up for you when his mother makes hurtful comments or helping you set boundaries.

3. Set Healthy Boundaries with Your MIL

• Identify boundaries: Think about what behaviors you’re no longer willing to tolerate. For example, hurtful comments about your postpartum body or unsolicited advice about parenting.
• Communicate gently but firmly: If you feel comfortable, talk directly to your MIL. For example, “I appreciate your concern, but comments about my body or choices make me feel hurt. I’d really value more kindness and encouragement as I navigate being a new mom.”
• Ask for your husband’s support: If you’re not ready to confront her, ask your husband to step in and help establish those boundaries.

4. Seek Professional Support

• Couples therapy: Suggest couples therapy to improve communication with your husband and find solutions together. A therapist can help him understand your perspective and the importance of prioritizing you during this vulnerable time.
• Family therapy: If conflicts with your MIL continue, family therapy can provide a neutral space to address these issues constructively.

5. Lean on Your Support System

• Connect with other mothers: Whether online or in person, connecting with other moms who understand postpartum challenges can provide validation and advice.
• Therapy or counseling: A postpartum counselor can help you process your emotions and build strategies to cope with in-law stress and husband-related conflicts.
• Rely on your parents: Use your time at your parents’ house to recharge and regain your strength, both physically and emotionally.

6. Rebuild Relationships with Kindness

Let your MIL and husband know that you want to rebuild a positive dynamic, but this requires mutual respect and understanding. Express your willingness to move forward while gently but firmly asserting your boundaries.

You’ve been through so much, and it’s okay to demand the kindness and support you deserve. By prioritizing self-care, improving communication, and setting clear boundaries, you can begin to navigate these challenges while protecting your emotional well-being and that of your new family.

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