My MIL Had Too Many Opinions About My Stepson—So I Asked Her to Leave

Navigating relationships with in-laws can be tricky. When it comes to blended families and stepchildren, things are even more complex. In one Reddit post, a woman shares the ongoing tension with her mother-in-law over how she refers to her stepson, sparking discussion in the comments section about boundaries, respect, and what it really means to be a “bonus parent.”

Here’s what the woman shared:

I’m married to Jake, who has a son, Devon, with an ex, Christy. Jake and Christy broke up when Devon was a baby. They have shared custody 50/50 since. But here’s the problem. My MIL has always had an issue with how I refer to my stepson, Devon.

I love Devon. Our relationship is good. But I am not his mom. He is not my son. I’ve never said “son” —only "stepson"— because that’s what he’s comfortable with.

When Jake and I got engaged, he referred to Devon as our kid. MIL got so annoyed. She said I am not his mom and never will be. Jake told MIL that she had no right to talk to me that way, and it wasn’t even me who claimed Devon was my kid, it was him claiming he was ours.

Another time, after Jake and I were married, I called Devon my stepson. MIL only heard the “son” part and told me, yet again, Devon has a mom, and I’m not her. I told her I said stepson. She was like, “Oh, good, make sure you remember that!”

Devon and I had some trouble for a while. Christy was encouraging him not to be nice to me like he was to his stepdad. So Devon had a period where he was disrespectful and said we’re not stepmom/stepson.

We did therapy, and it helped. We went back to “stepmom” and “stepson”. He did make it clear he didn’t want me to call him my son. I respect that.

I told him I’d always respect those boundaries for him, but to let me know if anything does change, so I can make any needed adjustments and keep us strong.

Everything changed when I gave birth. Now MIL has flipped a switch because Jake and I have our own son together. She has decided I’m a monster for calling Devon my stepson still, and she’s now policing me to say “stepson” instead of “son”. It’s not like it comes up that often, but it comes up often enough for her to be bothered by it.

One day, MIL came to see our newborn, and I was furious to see she was still angry I called Devon “stepson”. She said now that Devon has a brother, we need to stop the “step” stuff and I should be calling both boys my sons. I told her to drop the topic. I did not want this to be a fight again. She ignored me and told me I needed to do better.

I told her she needs to leave my house if she can’t stop policing how I speak, that I would not allow it. She hadn’t expected me to follow through. She also didn’t expect Jake to be on my side. She said I was rude and refused to discuss it like an adult.

The story was edited by Bright Side.

The comments section was flooded with strong opinions from other Reddit users.

One person said, “She clearly has decided that she gets to control how you see and relate to Devon. Honestly, with the new turn of trying to force you to use son when before it was stepson feels like it has nothing to do with the kid and everything to do with controlling you.” — © HyrrokinAura / Reddit

Another praised the woman for her patience, adding, “MIL is though. I would not have lasted as long as you. Sounds like you are doing everything possible to have a relationship with your stepson. It is too bad other adults can’t put aside their pettiness and think of the kids.” — © hikergirl26 / Reddit

There was also one user who made sure to address the real priority in this situation, claiming, “The only person whose feelings in this really matter is Devon. You make sure he is comfortable, and that he knows you love him and are part of his team, no matter how he wants to label the relationship.” — © HalcyonDreams36 / Reddit

A good relationship with a stepchild can be tricky, but not impossible.

Experts say successful step-parenting boils down to respecting boundaries, building trust gradually, and focusing on the child’s needs. It’s never a good idea to claim a parental role too quickly, especially if a biological parent is still involved.

It’s important to communicate openly, collaborate with the biological parents when possible, and accept that strong relationships take time and patience. Flexibility, empathy, and consistency are key to creating a supportive and respectful blended family dynamic.

Dealing with stepchildren also means, at times, setting healthy boundaries. Here’s what another woman had to deal with when her husband wanted to organize his daughter’s birthday party.