My MIL Moved in to Help With the Baby, but She’s Taking Over

Many new parents face unexpected challenges when family members move in to “help” with a newborn. Constant criticism, over-involvement, or questioning a parent’s decisions can create tension, stress, and conflict at home, making boundaries and communication essential for healthy family dynamics.

Her letter:

Hey Bright Side,

I had my first baby a few months ago. During my pregnancy, my MIL was basically uninterested. No check-ins, no advice, nothing. Honestly, I thought that was kind of a blessing at the time. Fast forward to after my son was born and suddenly she’s all in. At first, I didn’t push back, because of all the sleep-deprivation, diapers, and recovering, I thought the extra hands might be good.

Big mistake. She criticizes literally everything I do. How I hold him, how I feed him. I tried being polite, I tried ignoring it, then I finally told her straight up to back off, and how she’s stressing me out. She just shrugged and said I was “too sensitive.” But here’s where it gets creepy.

One night, I woke up to noises on the monitor. When I checked, my MIL was in the nursery holding my baby. Whispering to him, so fast I couldn’t even catch the words. He was half-asleep, whimpering, and she just didn’t notice me until I said her name. She looked at me like I was intruding. Said he was “stirring,” and I wouldn’t have heard him anyway. Then handed him over like nothing was weird.

The next day, I overheard her on the phone in the guest room, saying I don’t know what I’m doing and that she can’t just stand by and let me “ruin” the baby, even going as far as saying the baby is basically hers. I swear my stomach dropped. When I confronted her, I thought she’d deny it, but instead she just looked me straight in the eye and said something along the lines of how she doesn’t trust me because I’m too inexperienced.

Like... what??? Yes, he’s my first baby and sure, I’m learning as I go, but doesn’t every new mom? Does that mean I should lose all of my independence as a mother? I honestly don’t know what to think. The whole thing feels controlling and honestly, really creepy.
So... am I overreacting here? Is this just overbearing grandma behavior, or do I seriously need to put some hard boundaries in place ASAP?

Thank you in advance,
Lyla.

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, Lyla! We’ve tried to gather some pieces of advice that might help you handle this situation. Hopefully, they give you a few ideas on setting boundaries and feeling more in control.

• Don’t let “first-time mom” be a weapon — Yeah, it’s your first kid. Of course, you’re figuring it out, that’s literally how everyone learns to parent. Just because you’re new doesn’t mean you’re incapable. Don’t let her use “inexperienced” like it’s a bad word.
• Put your partner on the spot — I know it feels easier to just eat it and avoid drama, but honestly? Your husband has to step in. This is his mom, not yours. Make him do the talking; it’ll carry more weight, and you don’t have to play “bad cop.”
• It’s okay to pull the plug — If all else fails and she refuses to respect you, it’s not dramatic to say, “This living situation isn’t working.” You’re not banning her from your child’s life. You’re just making sure she visits on your terms, not hers.

With clear boundaries and open communication, families can find a balance that allows support without overstepping. Learning how to handle these challenges can strengthen relationships and create a healthier, more confident environment for both parents and babies.
Read next — “I Refuse to Let My MIL Do Whatever She Wants, It’s My House, My Rules”