My MIL Refused to Respect Our Parenting Rules—Now She Won’t Be Babysitting the Kids

Taking care of young kids can be really hard, but moms always find a way to manage. Going from being a stay-at-home mom to working again is not an easy decision, and it can also be expensive.

One mom shared her story with us. Instead of sending her kids to daycare, she chose to leave them with her mother-in-law. But just when she started to trust her, the truth hit her hard.

Here is her letter:

“Hi Bright Side,

My husband Mark and I have two little boys, ages 3 and 5. I recently went back to work full-time, and since daycare is expensive, my mother-in-law offered to watch the kids during the day. We were so relieved and at the moment it felt like the perfect solution.

She raised four kids of her own and always seemed proud of that. I thought everything was going smoothly. But after a couple of weeks, I started noticing some odd things.

The boys weren’t eating much during the day. When they got home, they’d head straight to the fridge, saying they were starving. When I asked what they ate, they wouldn’t say a word and changed the subject.”

“I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. So a week ago, I packed their lunch like I always do, and I also set up a small camera in the kitchen. It felt wrong, but I needed to know what was happening. What I saw completely broke my trust.

As soon as I left, my MIL opened the boys’ lunchboxes, looked at the food with a face full of disgust, and dumped it right into the trash. Then she pulled out her own containers, from a cooler bag she brought, and served the kids meals she made at home.

All of it was completely vegan. No meat, no dairy, not even eggs. Everything was plant-based.”

“I had never agreed to this, and we’ve never even talked about it. She just decided to replace their meals with her version of what she thought was better.

When I confronted her, she didn’t apologize. She said, ’I’m feeding them real food. You give them processed junk.’ I was stunned. It wasn’t even about what they were eating anymore, it was about the fact that she made that decision without us. She didn’t respect our rules or our role as parents.

After that, I told her she couldn’t watch the kids anymore. She was furious. Said I was being too sensitive and ungrateful. But to me, trust is everything.

If she could ignore our choices so easily, what else would she change behind our backs? Am I wrong for cutting her off from babysitting?

Sincerely,
Emma”

Thanks for trusting us with your story, Emma. We’ve put together some advice and hope it gives you the support you need.

Try a shared meal plan that works for everyone.

You’re absolutely not wrong for feeling hurt and betrayed. What your MIL did wasn’t just about the food. It showed she doesn’t respect you or your husband. Instead of arguing about whose food is better, try creating a small list of lunch ideas together.

Pick meals that you’re both comfortable with. You can sit down with your mother-in-law and plan a few lunch options that include some of her healthy choices and some of the foods your kids already enjoy. For example, one day might be a veggie pasta she likes, and another day can be the turkey sandwiches you usually make.

You could even prepare some of the meals together at the start of the week so she feels involved. This approach helps her feel included while you still stay in charge. The kids get familiar food they’ll actually eat, and you avoid daily battles over lunch.

Talk about the example it sets for the kids.

Your mother-in-law probably thinks she’s helping, but you can try explaining it in a different way. You might say something like, “We’re trying to teach the boys to follow rules and listen to adults. When they see you doing something different from what we asked, it makes them think rules don’t really matter.”

This shifts the focus away from blaming her and instead shows why it matters for the kids. It also reminds her that she’s an important role model. People are more open to feedback when they feel respected, not criticized.

Ask her to share her parenting advices in a notebook.

Give her a notebook and say something like, “You raised four great kids, and I’d love if you could write down some of your favorite tips and meal ideas for us to keep.” This can help her feel valued and included.

It also gives her a way to share her thoughts without taking over. Writing things down can help you understand where she’s coming from. Maybe she misses being a parent or thinks she’s helping because she worries. Either way, it gives you a better idea of what’s really behind her actions.

This mom also set up a security camera while her sister-in-law was babysitting and discovered she had been secretly interfering with things around the house, especially with her newborn, in ways she never expected. Read more here.