My Mom Refused to Be Called Grandma, and My 6-Year-Old’s Response Was Unforgettable

Family boundaries can become complicated when personal insecurities collide with parenting and generational expectations. Situations involving grandparents, children’s feelings, and respect often reveal deeper issues around communication, emotional maturity, and putting a child’s well-being first.

Janet’s story:

<strong>Hey, Bright Side!

Okay, this is one of those things that felt small at first and then absolutely blew up in my face. So my mom has always been very into not aging. Botox, filters, “I still get carded” jokes, the whole vibe.

When my daughter was born, my mom immediately said she didn’t want to be called “Grandma” because it “makes her look old.” Her words, not mine. She suggested my daughter call her by her first name instead. I thought it was weird, but whatever.

I figured my kid would eventually just default to Grandma anyway. Now she’s six, and that’s literally what she is.

Fast-forward to Christmas dinner. The whole family is there. My daughter is excited, hyped on sugar, running around saying things like, “Grandma, look what I made!” And every. Single. Time. My mom snaps back with, “Your grandma is not here.”

Not joking. Not gently correcting. Just straight-up shutting her down. At first my daughter looked confused. Then quieter.

Then she said “Grandma” again, and my mom did it again. Same cold tone. The table got super awkward. And then my daughter just, I don’t know, lost it.

She burst into tears and said, “Why are you mad at me, Grandma? What did I do wrong?” My mom just froze. And my aunt (bless her) quietly goes, “She’s six years old and thinks you’re rejecting her because she called you the wrong name.”

That’s when it finally clicked for my mom. You could literally see it on her face, like, oh, this isn’t about vanity anymore; this is a kid thinking her grandma doesn’t want to be her grandma.

My mom ended up hugging her and saying it was okay, but the damage was kind of... done? My daughter stuck to calling her nothing for the rest of the night. Just avoided saying her name at all.

Later, my mom told me I should’ve “corrected” my daughter beforehand and that I put her in a bad position. I told her she’s the adult, and my kid shouldn’t have to manage her insecurities.

Now things are tense, and I’m stuck wondering if I should’ve handled this differently. So, Bright Side, is this on her for prioritizing not looking old over a literal child’s feelings?

Best,
Janet

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, Janet. We know it’s not easy to open up about family stuff like this.

• Give your daughter language for what happened — Kids internalize way more than we think. Sit her down and explain, in simple terms, that Grandma wasn’t mad at her. Make sure she knows she didn’t do anything wrong. That reassurance matters way more than smoothing things over with adults.
• Adults manage their own insecurities — Your mom feeling old is her issue to unpack, not something your kid should tiptoe around. It’s okay to gently but firmly say, “Hey, I’m not going to make my child responsible for your self-image.” That’s not cruel; that’s boundaries.
• Have the hard conversation without your kid around — This is one of those talks that should happen privately. Tell your mom exactly what your daughter said and how she interpreted it. Not angrily, just honestly. Sometimes people need to hear the emotional impact spelled out before it sinks in.

Moments like these, while painful, can open the door to growth, understanding, and healthier family boundaries. With honest communication and empathy, families can move forward in ways that strengthen relationships and protect the emotional well-being of children.
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