NTA. But your son and his supporters are.
My Son Gave Up His Family to Chase a New Life, So I Gave Him a Harsh Dose of Reality
An anonymous letter from a reader, a mother, reached us, sharing a tough decision that split her family. Her story is one of love, loyalty, and the courage to do what she believed was right, even when it meant standing alone. Her message serves as a poignant reminder that, at times, the smallest gestures of support carry the most weight.
Hello Bright Side,
Here’s my story. My son, Jason, was married to a wonderful woman named Emily for 6 years. She moved halfway across the world to be with him, leaving behind her family, friends, and career. Together, they had beautiful twin daughters who are now 4 years old.
Then, all of a sudden, they announced their divorce. Jason told me he wasn’t happy anymore and, what’s worse, he had already started dating someone new only 2 months after they separated. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he announced their engagement a couple of months after that.
She felt sorry for her daughter-in-law.
Honestly, I was shocked. I asked him gently if he was sure about this, if maybe he should take some time to focus on his kids and heal. He just brushed me off. In the meantime, Emily was left to raise two toddlers in a foreign country, without any close family or friends nearby. She didn’t even have a car at first. So, I decided to step in.
I helped her out financially when I could by buying groceries and covering the occasional daycare bill, and I visited her and the girls as often as I could. I wanted her to feel supported and not alone. Just because the marriage ended didn’t mean we stopped being family. Then, I received the wedding invitation...
So she decided to show her support.
Jason told me the twins would be the flower girls and that I could ride with them and his fiancée’s mother to the venue. It didn’t sit right with me. I couldn’t stop thinking about Emily, spending that day alone while her children were with their father and his new wife. No laughter from the kids, no one to check on her.
So, I made a decision. I told Jason I wouldn’t attend the wedding. He was upset, but I simply told him I had other plans. And I did. I picked up Emily that morning, and we spent the day together. We went for brunch and a walk in the park, and sat down for tea and a long chat. It turned out to be a lovely day. She cried at one point, but there were plenty of smiles too. I think she really needed that. She needed to know she wasn’t alone, and that she mattered.
Now, her relationship with her son is strained.
A couple of days later, Jason called me, furious. Apparently, photos of Emily and me from that day had circulated among our mutual friends. He said everyone was talking about how I skipped his wedding to hang out with his ex-wife. He accused me of embarrassing him, making his new wife uncomfortable, and “choosing the wrong side.”
I told him I wasn’t choosing sides. I chose kindness. I didn’t agree with how he handled the situation. Leaving his wife stranded in a foreign country with two young kids after their divorce wasn’t right. He hung up on me. Now, some relatives are telling me that I should have gone to the wedding, even if I didn’t agree with his choices. But part of me still feels like I did the right thing. Was I wrong to skip the wedding?
Supporting Emily was a kind thing to do. Your loyalty and compassion towards your daughter-in-law shows your values, even if it did upset your son. Sometimes, standing up for what’s right means making tough choices, and it’s important to stay true to your beliefs.
That being said, if you want to avoid further conflict with your son, sit him down and explain your side. He might not understand now but hopefully, in time, he’ll see why you did what you did. It’s clear your family is important to you, so what matters now is repairing the fissures in your relationship.
For another perspective on family dynamics and the impact of difficult decisions, you might find this story insightful.
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Comments
Aww sweetie. Your son was cheating on his wife long before the marriage ended. He just made everyone think it was a whirlwind engagement. You made the right choice as yes, he is your son but she is still a daughter in law with your grandkids.
Your son's horrid entitled behavior needs checking.Your son had already expressed his intentions. Sadly he toyed with his wife and children because of his arrogance. You aren't just a mother in-law you are a friend and there's nothing wrong with that. Your son doesn't need support being a narcissist. Sure wedding are a big event but think of this. Unlike the first marriage this was all of a sudden and you don't even know this person. There was no family involved and bonding moments that some younger generations think aren't anyone's business. They apparently are unaware that humans are in fact social creatures. Even if you got to know new wife before and bonded or didn't, you were dumfounded by how cruel, immature and abusively your son dumped his wife. Not a girlfriend a wife. He didn't even attempt any level of respect for her as his proper wife and the mother of his children. You did a good thing. You were still in shock and unprepared emotionally. His new wife ,his moving on many unanswered questions. He put you and his wife in this predicament. He knew what he was doing before anything.
I agree he was cheating before he left his first wife. Good luck to wife number 2. He will do it again and if he does it's karma wifey number 2.
Wow, ditching your kid on his wedding day. Two wrongs don't make a right.
Actually, you never know what goes on in someone else's marriage. When thing is are going wrong, we often hide them and put on a brave face.
So your son was unhappy and decided to do something about it? Good for him. He's a young man with hopefully, plenty of life left to live. What if this woman really is the love of his life? What if they have children?
You've literally chosen sides and taken a pretty big dump on the best day of their lives. If I was the new wife, I wouldn't ever give you consideration in anything going forward.
He's your son. You've made a massive mistake here. She may not have family but must have friends?
It always dewilders me when other people insist that people stay together when they are unhappily married, just because they think it's the right thing to do. A lifetime of unhappiness? Really?
She's young and will most probably marry again. What if the new husband is uncomfortable with the ex mil hanging around all the time??

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