My Son Is Married, and I Have Only One Thing to Say to Every Mother-in-Law, “Shut Up!”

When people I know find out that I don’t interfere in my son’s family life, their eyes widen in surprise. And in general, they think that I am indifferent and selfish. After all, it is possible that my daughter-in-law is not good enough, and my son needs my advice and support. I have a different opinion on this matter. And, as it turns out, I am not alone in this.

One woman posted a story where she gave her advice to all mothers-in-law in the world.

As one mother-in-law to another, I do have some advice to give you. It’s the advice, my mother gave me about being a mother-in-law. It’s simple and easy to remember, “Keep your mouth shut, it’s none of your business!”

I’m serious, your son picked this woman. He has pledged to support her above all others (that means you). You went to the wedding and sat there and voiced no objection. Basically you pledged to support their marriage. You pledged to acknowledge and support their union.

Those kids she is parenting are not yours, they are hers and his. What they do and how they choose to do it is none of your business. Now, having said that, if there is violence then you have an obligation to speak up. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut.

The first opportunity I had to follow my mother’s sage advice was at their rehearsal dinner. Her father was sitting across the dinner table from my daughter-in-law and me. He said, “I can’t wait for the grand babies!”

She blushed and asked me where I stood on the subject. I asked her if she wanted an honest answer. She said yes. Here is the answer I gave her.

“Frankly, it’s none of my business. It’s your marriage to your husband, the two of you are the only ones who can say when it’s right for you to have kids. So don’t let anyone pressure you.” She smiled and said, “Thank you, I’ll remember that.”

They have two kids now, and I babysit a lot. Do they do some things differently than I would? Sure they do. Times change! Do I say anything, usually not.

If I think it’s important I tell my son privately. Then he can ignore it, or they can discuss it or what ever they want to do. I never bring it up again.

As a result I have a great relationship with my son’s lovely, talented, smart, beautiful wife. I’m welcome in their home, as a matter of fact she gave me a key and said stop by any time.

If you want a place in their lives, shut up!

This post caused turmoil online. However, almost all followers agreed that this mother-in-law’s approach is correct and adequate.

• I would love to have a mother-in-law like you. Unfortunately, mine is the polar opposite. © Crystal Gillis / Quora
• My mother-in-law hated me from sight, for no good reason. What she didn’t know was that we were already living together and planning a wedding. We were married 2 months later without her knowing. We are 20 years strong today. She still hates me. © Shelley Foxwell-Brenneman / Quora
• Thank you. My daughter-in-law is wonderful, I’m a lucky mother-in-law, and my son is a very lucky man. © Ann McConnell / Quora
• I had a mother-in-law like that! She gave me a golden piece of advice — really a request. She said, “When you and my son have a fight, which you will, come to me. I’ll probably agree with you, simply because I know him and I married his father! But please don’t go to your family with it. They will probably agree with you, too, but they will always hold it against him, while I’ll still love him because he’s my son.”
  That’s exactly what I did. I never told my family any of our troubles. They were, and are private. This is the 42nd year of our marriage. © Gwen Croom / Quora
• I wish I had a mother-in-law like this! Mine refused to come to our wedding, pitched a fit and yelled in my hospital room a few hours after I gave birth, told my husband to never sign a mortgage with me because it would make it too difficult for him to leave, and so many more things I can’t even think of at the moment. © Adri Hardie / Quora
• Some wise person once said, “Never pass up a good opportunity to shut up.” © Steve Dutch / Quora

But on another story, people’s opinions were divided. This mom made her 11-year-old daughter get eyelash extensions and blew up the internet.