I Refuse to Sacrifice My Career to Fund My Stepson’s Expenses

We aren’t always prepared for what comes with a marriage; that is especially true if one or both parties have kids from previous relationships. In those cases, the child and everything surrounding them could make or break a relationship. One of our readers shared their experience.

This is Evan’s story.

Dear Bright Side,

A few years ago, I fell in love with what I thought to be the woman of my dreams. There was only one thing between us that clashed. She had a son, and I never wanted children, but I was sure we’d be able to work past that and have the life we dreamed of.

After we got married, I decided to live with my wife and stepson in her house. My wife doesn’t work, and her ex doesn’t pay child support, so I have been covering all of my stepson’s expenses since we’ve been married.

But I’m in a career that is no longer feasible for me and have been wanting to change for quite a few years already. Every time I try to save for this long-awaited career change, something happens. There are always new needs that drain my funds, and I’m starting to get fed up with it.

I discussed it with my wife, and she tried to reassure me by saying they were only temporary setbacks, and I’ll be able to start saving up soon. But right after the discussion, she asked for more money, and I kind of felt like I was just being used.

Then a couple of days ago, I overheard a conversation my wife was having with her ex. She told him that she needed money to pay for her son’s football practice and asked for the exact amount I had given her for exactly the same reason the week before.

I was confused and started to do a little digging. I decided to ask my stepson if he knew what was going on. And I was shocked to learn that my wife had secretly been receiving child support from her ex, and it’s been going on since before we were married; she just chose never to tell me about it.

I was devastated because I never suspected her to be using me as an ATM. She never asked for a lot of money and always had a reasonable explanation when she did ask. Her son even corroborated her stories.

When I asked my stepson why he asked me for money if he knew his dad would send it, he said, “I don’t like that guy. Money always comes at a price with him. It’s the only reason he’s sending it, to buy my affection. But my mom sees you as a wallet, and yet you love me either way.”

Now I’m at a loss. So Bright Side, what do you think I should do? Should I confront my wife about her secret? Or should I keep quiet for the sake of my stepson?

Regards,
Evan K.

Some advice from our Editorial team.

Dear Evan,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us.

You don’t confront this emotionally or “for closure.” You confront it strategically because the problem isn’t just the hidden child support. It’s that your wife made a long-term financial decision about your life without your consent and allowed her son to emotionally recruit you to keep the lie intact.

Before saying a word, separate your finances immediately, stop funding anything that isn’t essential, open an account only you control, and put your career-change savings somewhere inaccessible to household requests.

Then sit your wife down and confront her with only the facts you know, not accusations: the support payments, the duplicate money, and the timeline.

Watch her response carefully. If she minimizes it, reframes it as “protecting her son,” or implies you should keep sacrificing because you’re the stable one, that tells you this wasn’t a mistake; it was a system. And that system will never leave room for your career change or your boundaries.

As for your stepson: his loyalty explanation is understandable, but it’s not your responsibility to pay for being the “good” adult in his life. Love doesn’t require financial self-sabotage.

If your wife truly wants this marriage, she will accept transparency, a written budget, and a clear end date for you funding anything beyond agreed expenses. If she won’t, you already have your answer, even if it hurts.

Evan finds himself in a difficult situation with many choices laid at his feet. But he isn’t the only one of our readers who is having problems with a child in their life.

Another one of our readers reached out to share their experience. You can read the full story here: I Raised My Stepson Alone for 10 Years—Then He Broke Me to Pieces.