We Wanted My Parents to Pay for Our Wedding—Then Mom Dropped a Confusing Ultimatum

They thought they had their wedding plans in order, but when her mom dropped an unexpected ultimatum, everything changed. As the couple prepared for a larger reception, her parents agreed to help—but with one condition. For her, it was a cultural tradition, but for her husband, it felt like a betrayal. Can they overcome this deep divide and find common ground, or will this argument tear them apart?

My husband and I got married in a small ceremony earlier this year, and my parents paid for everything. Since I’m in school, I don’t have an income, and only my husband works, so we planned to do a larger reception with our entire families in 2026. However, we are now at the point where we are about to sign a contract with venues, and I’ve been reconciling all parties that will be contributing to the reception.

My husband and I are from different cultures, and he has a way smaller family than mine (his guest count is around 50, and mine is nearly 150). For that reason, we expected my parents to pay for our wedding, since they’re the ones who want to invite all these people.

The thing is, my parents are not really well-off and are only inviting this many people because of their “reputation” and the expectations of our culture, since I’m the only daughter. I’ve had many arguments with them about inviting so many people and trying to match up with our other family, who are more well-off. Here’s the biggest issue in this whole situation thus far: my mom has recently agreed to pay for their part of the wedding if I give her 50% of the cash wedding gifts we receive.

This caused a huge argument between my husband and me because, growing up, I was used to sharing any portion of my gift money with my parents when they hosted events for me (grad parties, birthdays). However, he was very offended because he knew that even if he offered to give any money back to his family, they’d never accept it because it would be looked at as offensive in his culture.

He’s looking at our parents’ contributions towards our wedding as a gift, and I’m looking at it as something my parents feel obligated to do to make everyone in my family happy, while putting themselves in debt in the process. I feel bad for my parents and feel okay with their demand of giving 50% of the wedding gifts because a majority of that money will be coming from the guests that they chose to invite, and this 50% will not touch my husband’s family’s gifts.

Since they’re also funding pretty much half the wedding as well, I also feel okay with this. However, my husband is not budging and is offended on my behalf and thinks my parents aren’t respecting me by saying from the get-go that they want half of the wedding gifts to balance out how much they paid. Who’s in the wrong here, and is there a solution?

Most of the commenters agreed that the best way to move on is to have a small wedding.

• Don’t take help from your parents, have a small wedding with what you can afford. You will dent your marriage if you go through with this. © Berry_Bubbaloo / Reddit

• Tell your mom you aren’t doing a reception. It’s obvious that no one here is in a position to afford it. Also, splitting half your gift money with your parents is bizarre. Especially from occasions like your birthday as a child. © beattiebeats / Reddit

• Your parents had their own wedding. You are under no obligation to do what they want. True family will not care.
  My cousin’s families have gotten so big that I’ve started to be excluded from wedding invites, and although I would have loved to attend, I understand they can’t invite everyone. I don’t think any less of them. If your parents want a show, tell them to have a vow renewal. © TangerineLily / Reddit

• This is crazy. A gift is a gift. I would actually be pissed if I gave you and the groom a gift for your wedding and knew your parents were taking it. If they can’t afford that many people, they shouldn’t invite them. It’s YOUR wedding.
  I’m actually appalled that they did this to you on other occasions your whole life. © linzkisloski / Reddit

• If none of you can afford this wedding, don’t do it. You’re already married. Plan a vow renewal for a future anniversary when you can pay for it yourselves. It’s insane to have anyone go into debt for a party. © occasionallystabby / Reddit

• What your parents are doing is basically lending you money they expect to recoup through your wedding gifts. Then, claiming it’s a gift. Their contribution is either a loan or a gift.
  If they want to invite 150 people, then it should be a gift. Personally, I would invite way fewer people and not accept monetary help from my parents. © MillyHughes / Reddit

However, some noted that it’s important to take into account cultural differences and bear in mind that it can be pretty normal for some of us.

• I learned recently that it’s actually common in certain Asian cultures for parents to get a cut if they contributed financially. So, I’m not sure where OP is from, but that actually may be considered “normal.” © Bkbride-88 / Reddit

• It’s actually very common in Asian cultures. It’s expected that people cover their plates, which is why they can and do have huge multipart celebrations. © KendalBoy / Reddit

• Other cultures are different. Her parents have likely been going to weddings for 20+ years, giving gifts and expecting reciprocity when their daughter gets married. A big wedding is seen as a good omen.
  Sometimes parents put on these lavish parties for themselves—lots of stories about that. It sounds like they’re just trying to celebrate their daughter, and they think she deserves the best on one of the biggest days in her life. They don’t sound greedy to me.
  Like parents pay for half the wedding, bring guests to give lots of gifts, also give gifts to the husband’s family (tradition), lose their only daughter to another family, and receive...nothing? Maybe just scorn from the husband (who sees this all as a “gift”) for the sin of different cultural expectations. © glennis_the_menace / Reddit

After reading all the comments, the woman added:

Thank you for all of the feedback. I now understand that my relationship with my parents and money is definitely a messy one. I also learned now that my being South Asian has a huge influence on this whole situation, and I have to get some more culturally relevant advice.

I love my husband and don’t want to ruin our marriage because of my parents’ unhealthy and overbearing nature, while still respecting my culture.

After years of silence, a shocking letter from her parents left her reeling—and that was just the beginning. The emotional manipulation continued with threats that added fuel to an already burning situation.

But this woman wasn’t about to let guilt dictate her life. She fought back, choosing to prioritize herself above everything else. Find out how she took control of her future, despite the heavy weight of family expectations.