My Husband Wants His Mother to Move In With Us

To see your parent who raised you and taught you everything you know about life get old and unable to care for themselves is something inevitable. As the circle of life dances in front of us, and we exchange roles — if once we were the baby that needed round-the-clock care, now it’s our mothers and fathers who are vulnerable and need supervision.

In some cultures, sending our parents to an assisted living facility is still a stigma today. Tenny, a loving wife, and mother of 2, needed some advice on her situation — her mother-in-law is lonely and frail, and her husband wants her to move into their house. We took a look at Tenny’s story, and here are our findings.

Tenny, thank you for your letter. While our advice is not medical advice, Bright Side searched the internet high and low for some helpful pointers that we hope will ease you and your husband’s decision and improve all of your lives.

  • Dementia is a syndrome in which cognitive function deteriorates beyond what would be considered the normal effects of biological aging. 55 million people worldwide suffer from dementia, and there are nearly 10 million new cases every year.
  • Ask yourself if caring for an older family member is a challenge you and your husband can successfully accomplish — as it can be similar to a full-time job. In 2019, family members and friends spent, on average, 5 hours a day providing care for people living with dementia. Moreover, experts warn that kind-hearted loved ones can burn out without support.
  • Research shows that a close caregiver relationship may hold more benefits compared to medication for loved ones suffering from dementia.
  • Give your mother-in-law the choice. Ask her what she wants. Being aware of her needs and desires will help you make a decision that is good for you and your MIL. A person with dementia forced to move will not adjust as well as a person who had a say in the decision.
  • If you and your husband decide to welcome your MIL into your home, you should know the best time to move someone with dementia is when they are still stable. The more it advances, the illness makes it difficult for people to adjust to new environments.

Evaluate what your husband and you can provide in terms of elderly care:

  • Get familiar with your MIL’s situation. Speak to your MIL’s GP to get a better sense of the level of care required, while being aware that it will increase in time.
  • Think ahead. Figure out if this endeavor can fit into both of your schedules without any issues. If you doubt it, it’d be a good idea to bring in outside help.
  • Make a decision. In the earlier stages, your mother-in-law could be more independent, but as time passes, she might need assistance with everyday activities like walking, bathing, and dressing. Talk to your husband and get to know if he’s up for the challenge for the long haul. Otherwise, consider other options — whether it’s live-in care or an assisted living facility.

When you grow old and need help on a daily basis, would you prefer moving in with your loved ones or going to a nursing home? Do your parents need care, or are they relatively independent? Let us know in the comments.

Preview photo credit nateone /, CC BY 2.0


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No matter what we as the children of our parents... MUST NOT TURN OUR BACK on them.! We still have our 91 yrs old mom in our home and we always pampers her with what we feel she needed. And i myself never missed talking to her and make sure that she always have a smile every day....! LOVE ❤️ your parents every seconds of our life and you will not go asunder


Ask your husband how he plans to care for his mother and still work? Will he have time to wash her, dress her, feed her, before he starts work? How will he care for her while working - will he work from home, or will he have a nurse/carer with her, and how much will that cost? Go through the daily care with him, and get him to clarify in his mind what aspects of care he can provide for her as she deteriorates - what happens when she is no longer continent? what happens when she doesn't know him, and protests having him provide intimate care? He may well be expecting that you will be the main caregiver, and that is not fair on you - you have a job and kids, you can't provide full time dementia care as well.


Depending on Mom's or your finances, assisted living with memory care can really be nice. I have visited some very nice places where people are really engaged. I kept my Mom in her house with home care. I think she missed out on the social interaction with people her own age. If you keep her at home, join some groups where she is able to meet people her own age. Either home or care facility, you're looking at a lot of $.


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