5 Subtle Things We Do That May Harm Our Love Life Without Realizing It

Love is about the little things: the “good morning” messages, the kisses goodnight, the gifts, and the happy surprises. More than that, love is also about actions. On an everyday basis, we may end up having attitudes that hurt our partners — and oftentimes, we don’t even notice it.

At Bright Side, we believe that being the best versions of ourselves and expanding that to our partners is the way to achieve a happy love life. To understand more about the mistakes that may be getting in your way, keep on reading.

1. Forgetting time with friends

A friend starts a new relationship and completely vanishes from having fun with their friends — does that sound familiar? Unfortunately, it’s pretty common for this type of thing to happen. In this case, there’s a need to remind yourself that even when being part of a relationship, it’s very important to stay in touch with friends, as the quality of one’s life is significantly increased.

2. Using these 4 words when expressing yourself to your partner

Did you know that, according to experts, there are words that shouldn’t be said to your partner? Although communication plays an important role in relationships, some words are better left unsaid. The words are the following:

1. “Should”: This word brings a feeling of frustrated expectations toward your partner’s actions.
2. “Always (as in, “You always do this.”): This makes your partner feel as if they’re not allowed to make a mistake. And speaking of the word “never...”
3. “Never”: This word makes your partner stay in a defensive mode.
4. “But (as in, “Yes, that was wrong of me, but...”): Saying the word “but,” in this case, makes your partner feel like their statement was ruined.

Are you used to using any of these words? If so, it may be a good idea to think of some better ways to communicate with your significant other.

3. Focusing on your partner’s sacrifice in order to thank them

Suppose you went on a date night and received a beautiful rose bouquet. How do you respond to that? Many of us would say, “Thank you! You didn’t have to!” or “Thank you! You didn’t have to go through so much trouble!” But is this the best way to communicate?

A study found that when thanking others for something that was gifted to you or done for you, you should express it with positive feelings and gratitude toward them and the relationship instead of focusing on highlighting the cost of that action. The best way to thank your partner for the roses would be to say, “Thank you, those are beautiful! I love the way you make me feel!” See how much of a difference it makes?

4. Going to bed at different times

Do you stay up late while your partner goes to bed earlier? Chances are, your relationship may be silently drifting apart. While a study showed that women prefer going to bed at the same time as their partners, the reality differs. In fact, 75% of couples go to bed at different times for various reasons, including work schedules, watching TV, or surfing the web.

For a better connection with your partner, consider going to bed at the same time and watch the results flourish as time goes by.

5. Forgetting to kiss goodnight

Modern life requires us to work hard, answer e-mails, do daily tasks, complete household duties, and manage finances and family. Although we have good intentions, a couple’s life may get swallowed up by their routines. Sometimes we may take our relationships for granted and forget the little things that make love what it is.

To maintain that bond and refrain from floating away from your partner, never forget to kiss them goodnight.

Bonus 1: not communicating love in a way your partner will understand

Have you ever felt that you weren’t being “loved enough,” even while in a good relationship? The reason may as simple as the fact that love is perceived differently by different people. That’s what the book, The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman tells us. According to the author, the 5 ways of feeling loved are:

1. Words of affirmation: This can be affirming and verbalizing other’s behavior, such as saying, “You look really handsome today.”
2. Quality time: Engage in activities together, like going on a trip or watching a movie.
3. Physical touch: Show physical expressions of love, such as holding hands, hugging, or being intimate.
4. Acts of service: Do something useful for your partner. This could be cooking dinner, handling a problem, or providing support so your partner can relax.
5. Receiving gifts: Get items that remind you of your love. It could be flowers, sweets, or electronic devices.

Chapman also explains that each one of us has a primary language of love. Not knowing what your partner’s love language is can be a communication barrier that will cause conflict, almost as if you aren’t on the same page. Understanding or asking what it is your partner needs to feel loved can have a significant impact on your relationship.

Bonus 2: not apologizing in the right way

Suppose you messed up with your partner and now you owe them an apology. Once again, people perceive apologies differently, as was stated by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas in the book, The Five Languages of Apology. Here are the 5 ways your partner may expect you to apologize after doing something that they didn’t appreciate:

1. Expressing regret: Actually say that you’re sorry by telling them, “I am deeply sorry that I made you feel bad.”
2. Accepting responsibility: Understand that you were wrong, and say, “That was a mistake that I made.”
3. Making restitution: Reassure them that what you did was a mistake, and make up for it. Coming home with a gift or flowers is a good example of this.
4. Genuinely repenting: Say that you’re sorry and that the situation will not happen again by telling them, “I’m sorry for what I’ve caused you, it won’t happen again.”
5. Requesting forgiveness: Asking if they’re willing to accept your apology by saying, “Can you forgive me for what I’ve done?”

Have you ever thought about what your partner expects from you? In this case, understanding and setting expectations are important for better communication and, of course, for keeping a healthy love life.

What are the mistakes you’re currently committing in your relationship? What do you think is the worst of them? Do you have any additional tips on how not to harm your love life?