Who Dreamscapers Are and Why Dating Them Can Turn Into a Total Disaster
They may tell you that they see a future with you, be very attentive on significant dates, and ask what your parents’ names are. But then, suddenly, they say they’re not so sure about you and not ready for a serious relationship, and you start thinking about what you could’ve missed that would lead to this immense disappointment. Spoiler alert: there were no signs, and yes, you’ve been “dreamscaped.”
Here at Bright Side, we prefer to be wide-awake when it comes to any sort of romantic relationship, so we did some research on what dreamscapers are and how to recognize them so that you never find yourself in the middle of any romantic mischief.
1. They build “castle-in-the-clouds” relationships.
Dreamscapers are people who build an ideal relationship, well, at least in their mind. This fairy-tale world that they create may fool you into thinking it was not only a real relationship but a fantastic one. The fantasy they create is nice, but there’s nothing to support it. When the fairy-tale relationship faces reality and crashes, you’re not prepared. However, they leave you as if nothing happened and move onto the next fairy tale.
2. They have a commitment phobia but hardly realize it themselves.
These people are afraid of any commitments at heart, but they never confess this to themselves. They want all the good things that come with a relationship and absolutely don’t intend to do any harm, unlike toxic or abusive partners, for example.
They just see that they’ve become attached to you and dependent on the relationship, which scares them. Some studies say that they prefer to end commitments because of earlier parental rejection. Other researchers found that dreamscapers disappear from relationships because they’re believers in destiny: they think the relationship is either meant to be or not and don’t even consider that it requires patience and work.
3. They don’t actually lead you on or intentionally cheat on you.
Being a dreamscaper doesn’t mean being unfaithful to you. When someone leads you on, they realize that they don’t have feelings for you but just intentionally use you for their own purposes, like comfort, attention, or your unconventional love that raises their self-esteem. Dreamscapers are different.
They’re simply surrealists. They create the ideal settings for dating by saying and doing really nice things, and you both believe the same thing — your bond is magical and full of truly romantic things. But the difference between you and your dreamscaping partner is that when the relationship gets past the “butterflies-in-the-stomach” stage and enters into a more pragmatic one, like sharing everyday chores or taking on responsibility, you treat it as such, but a dreamscaper will see it as their own personal disaster.
4. You can never predict when they’ll withdraw from your life.
Dreamscapers display the so-called “ghosting” behavior at its very best. They simply walk away from their relationships and you can never be prepared for it. Just a day before you could’ve spent a lovely evening together, and today, you watch them leave without any explanation, and they disappear off the face of the earth.
There’s no drama, no hysterics, and they don’t provide any answers to questions asked. And for you, it may be hard to guess that the reason might be simple: you mentioned a “non-romantic” thing like paying a utility bill in your conversation, and this was like pouring a bucket of cold water on your partner’s head. In other words, the fairy tale popped like a soap bubble.
5. It’s so hard to not fall for a dreamscaper, and it’s not because of their appearance.
Dreamscapers are wonderful at dating, and they’re good at making people fall for them. They give you plenty of attention and buy you presents out of the blue just to make you happy. They read emotions and vibes like a book and know exactly what you want to hear, building castles in the sand, step by step. They can easily connect to you, but they don’t attach. This is why it can be so hard not to fall for them.
And again, the main struggle here is that they do it all with utmost sincerity. Unlike some people, who may want to seem loving because they want something in return, dreamscapers do genuinely have these feelings for you from the start. They sincerely put you ahead of all other people and you feel it immediately.
6. How to check if you or your partner is a dreamscaper
It’s impossible to know everything about a person after the first date, and no one is perfect. So, if it magically feels like everything is too good to be true, it may be. If you can’t find even the smallest drawbacks in their behavior, this may be an effect of the illusion that they’ve created, and you’re actually in a fairy tale along with them.
If you prefer to talk a lot about your feelings and plans but you feel scared when these plans are about to take place, you may be showing signs of dreamscaping. If a relationship is going in the right direction, you won’t shy away from the commitment talk. However, if the very idea of living together and sharing a routine makes you squirm, it’s a sign that your fairy tale is about to come crashing down.
A person who’s really, truly into you should feel comfortable — not just when it’s fun — and things should be enlightening with a romantic glow. They feel at ease when it comes to more prosaic situations like having dinner at home rather than in a restaurant or seeing you in your sweatpants. They’re just as willing to help you with your car that broke down as they are spending a romantic evening with you on the beach. They don’t feel a constant urge to change you or to bring you closer to their imaginary golden standards.
If they want to live in a constant fairy tale where you’ll be a prince and a princess who can’t face issues like fixing a leaking toilet or paying the electricity bills, this likely means that dreamscaping is in full swing.
What do you do to deal with people who demonstrate ghosting or dreamscaping?