20+ Stories That Prove Pets Are Secretly Evil Geniuses

Have you ever felt manipulated by your pet? If you have a dog, cat, or even a parrot at home, chances are you have. These furry little creatures have an uncanny ability to get what they want, and often, it doesn’t take much more than a cute look or a touch of “tenderness” to make us fall in love with them. Here are some of the funniest and most surprising anecdotes about animals who have mastered the art of mind games.

“My cat uses the power of her derp to manipulate us into giving her whatever she wants...seriously...she will stick her tongue out at whatever she wants us to feed her or open a door for her. It works.”

• One of our dogs would not use the dog door for 3 years. We tried coaxing, begging, offering treats, everything. Nothing worked. The image of my dignified, 6’3″ husband lying on the couch, dog treats in hand, trying to coax her through the door is one of my better memories.
  
  It wasn’t until our housekeeper told us she used it all the time when we weren’t home that we realized we were being played. For three years, we opened the door for her. Oddly enough, she knew they were spying on her and started using it when we were around. © pitpusherrn / Reddit
• Had two cats. Nick was the sweetest guy, and Buddy was aggressive. Found out these two fat cats were getting second helpings because I would feed them in the morning before work, but my roommate would feed them after I left. One day, I had a random day off, so I stuck to the schedule and went out. I came back to find Nick harassing my roommate and her sleepily grabbing the cat food and trying to push him away. The little rascal acted like he was starving 10 minutes after I left. She thought it was strange that Buddy, the fatter one, never really asked for any and ate very slowly. Nick is gone, but now we know why he was always hungry and why Buddy wouldn’t lose weight. He was eating his share and Nick’s share. © rnooses_or_rneese / Reddit

“This bun is so manipulative... I can’t even explain it. She has us all under her thumb!”

• When my dog was a puppy, she fell down some steps outside and held up her paw, not wanting to put any weight on it. I went down and picked her up and felt the paw. When I did, she whimpered quite loudly. So I carried her up the stairs and back inside. I gently put her on her bed, but as soon as she was on the floor, she started running around, wagging her tail. She wasn’t hurt at all, just too lazy to go up the stairs. © crystalshannonm / Reddit
• My dog likes to jump up on the table and eat our food. We are all aware of this, but one time, I sat down to eat, and she was eyeing my plate of pasta. We stared at each other for several minutes before she ran to the door without any warning and started barking like crazy. I get up to look outside, and when I look back, my dog has run off, jumped on my chair, and started eating my food. I’ve been in therapy ever since. © -Wait4It- / Reddit

“I stopped petting her, so she left me, just to stare at me like that. I can’t bear the guilt.”

• My dog sits down and lifts his paw when we ask him to do something he doesn’t like. Barking at the cat when asked to stop? Makes the saddest eyes, sits down, and lifts his paw like he’s hurt. Pretends he can’t walk. Wants a sausage but is told to lie down? Fake limps around the table before finally lifting the fake injured paw and then crashing to the floor in a heap. What a goose, lol. © ladyughsalot / Reddit
• Our newer puppy has food allergy issues so he can’t get most human food treats like our older puppy used to get, so neither of them get any of it...so when we break out some kind of food that he used to get bits of, he scratches at the door to get out, the younger puppy gets excited to go out and he runs out the door and chases whatever squirrel or rabbit is in the yard, and the older puppy turns around and goes back into the kitchen to get his treat... © ShackintheWood / Reddit

“Polite cat. Master of manners and the greatest manipulator there is.”

• My parrot would not go back into his cage in the morning, so he would hide. Usually, he would sing back when I called his name so I could find him or come running out when I shook his treat box. But this day, he just stayed quiet and hid. I was a little panicked and late for work, so I closed the front door, pretended to leave, and sat quietly for 5 minutes. Then he came marching out of the room, all proud of himself, before seeing me and letting out the most pitiful squeal that he had been tricked. © followthedarkrabbit / Reddit
• Once, I stepped on my dog’s paw, and she squealed. I felt terrible, so I apologized to her. But she started limping. A lot. I tried to check her paw to see how bad it was, and I really couldn’t tell, so I was very upset. A little while later, she started whining for me to let her out, and I did, although I decided to watch her closely just in case. So she limped off the deck but then quickly looked around and suddenly started zooming around at a hell of a speed. I stared out the kitchen window in surprise. She barked for me to let her back in, came through the door, looked at me, and started limping. She did this for two days. © mmm_tacos2159 / Reddit

“My cat is playing dead because I wouldn’t let him into my bedroom to sleep on my bed. He’d known this before, but it was late, and he had to go home to sleep! That was his grumpy reaction. I’ve never had cats or known cats before him, but boy, is he teaching me! They’re so funny (AKA manipulative).”

• My wife surprised me with a (third) cat, a kitten. However, I told her she had to go, because I didn’t want any more animals in the house and she hadn’t told me about it before. I even held out when my kids begged me to keep her.
  
  A few days later (we were looking for a shelter), I was exhausted after working all night. I crawled into bed so I could sleep, and then, the new kitty laid down next to my pillow and purred all nap long. I couldn’t stand it, so I said, “Okay, we’ll keep her because she’s very cuddly and affectionate.”
  
  But then, a few days after making that decision, the kitty started to leave the room. She didn’t want to be near me, she protested if I picked her up. Although it was clear that she expected to be cuddled and fed. She is now 2 years old and still wants nothing to do with me. Apparently, my son is (barely) tolerable because he can carry her around like a rag doll. © Sporks_are_the_best — / Reddit
• My cat, Pepper, vomits in protest. It only took a few weeks for us to realize how things would go once she started doing this. She asks for food. She asks again. Then, she starts to feel “a little sick to her stomach.” So when Pepper asks for food, you can either give it to her or clean up her mess. © LookForTheWhiteLight / Reddit

“This cute kitty came out of nowhere while I was under the porch. Pulled the cute card, so I gave him a big chunk of salmon and some pet food, then he wandered off into the neighborhood! Master manipulator.”

• One night, we had people over for dinner and games. At about 10 pm, my dog comes downstairs, barks loudly, and stares at us until we stop talking. She went upstairs. We started talking too loudly again, and she came back downstairs, growled a little, and we all quieted down. After we lowered our voices, she stayed upstairs! © shoreline85 / Reddit
• I used to have a bird. She learned my habits, and whenever I left the room or did something unusual, or I shut her out when I was playing video games, she’d scream about it. I’d put her on my shoulder, and she’d calm down. © DaStonerWolfDude / Reddit

“I don’t know what that cheeky little boi (Lu) has been whispering in my husband’s ear, but he thinks the cat is underweight and secretly feeds him more treats, cat milk, tuna... while I plan to feed him on schedule.”

• I have a spray bottle that I use to spray my cat when she is being naughty (scratching furniture, attacking her sister, etc.). Some time ago, I noticed that I could never find the spray bottle when I needed it. When I did find it, it was always on the floor, hidden in a corner or under a chair. I have a security camera in my house, and curiosity got the best of me, so one day I watched the footage and saw my cat pushing the spray bottle off a table and dragging it under the sofa where I couldn’t find it. © jsmys / Reddit
• I came home late with a large group of friends. We were all sitting in the living room on the couch, chairs, and floor. The dog came out of the bedroom to see what was going on and then went back into the bedroom. Everyone laughed that it was past his bedtime, and he was going to sleep. Then he reappeared in the living room with a pillow from the bed and lay down on it to join the group. © raginghappy / Reddit

The relationship with our pets is full of surprises, and one of the most enjoyable aspects is discovering their ability to manipulate us in ways we never imagined. This fascination with their “tactics” reminds us that sometimes they understand us better than we do. If you like the stories of how our pets tease us and play to dominate the world (or the Internet), be sure to check out this article on the funniest photos of animals that dazzle their owners.