A Husband Complained About His Wife’s Parenting Methods Online, but Was Berated by Users

“My wife is upset with me,” the man began his story with these words. He is 38, and his wife is 37. The husband is confident that his parental methods are correct, but still he decided to seek advice from Internet users to prove him right.

The family has 3 children: 12-, 10-, and 8-years-olds. The man revealed that his wife always feels depressed and gets irritated pretty easily. “She’s constantly complaining how it’s all too much. I’m of course happy to help and do my fair share for the kids or household, but it’s never enough because her standards are too damn high.”

“She insists one of us has to be up at 6:45 every morning to make sure the kids are ready and make the bus which comes at 7:45. I told her they’re old enough to not need that much help already. They can all dress themselves and pour themselves cereal and milk, there’s no reason we have to be up.

She says that cereal isn’t a good enough breakfast, they need something more substantial, especially the 12-year-old, and that the 10-year-old has ADHD and will definitely struggle without help in the morning, and anyway she wants to see them off and kiss them goodbye for the day. So, she gets up, I don’t, then she gets upset that I never give her a morning off when all she needs to do is just take the morning off when she wants and let the kids handle themselves.”

“Also she is super strict about screen time during the week and is exhausted and snappy from arguing about it with the kids and upset I don’t support her strict limit of 2 hours a day. I say as long as homework is done, why not until bed. She says it’s not healthy for them, they need to play outside or with games and toys, read some books, just entertain themselves in more ways. I agree they should enjoy other things but not seeing why we have to make such a rigid limit.”

“She also likes to get out on weekends and do stuff like zoos, museums, etc., but then complains about the planning for the outing and how grouchy the youngest gets by the end of it, and again, I say let’s just chill at home and voilà, you’ve cut the work!

I’m an engaged and active parent, I’m not trying to get out of it, but I don’t think I should have to help my wife dig herself out of her own self-created holes. She creates the stress for herself and then turns to me to alleviate it which I think is unfair. I keep telling her she needs to do less, and then she won’t need this level of help. Am I in the wrong?”

This comment from a man got the biggest number of likes (47,000):

• Your wife’s standards are just...being a decent parent, and you are not doing your “fair share” if you aren’t helping with these things you consider “unnecessary.” An 8-year-old and a 10-year-old with ADHD are not ready to totally get themselves ready in the morning, and you’d know that if you didn’t sleep through the morning routine every day.
  2 hours of screen time a day is a totally reasonable boundary. And family time and enriching activities are also important. Maybe those can be cut down slightly, but “just chill at home” all the time isn’t the answer either. Stop being lazy and become an actually engaged parent like your wife is. © Outrageously_Penguin / Reddit

Other users also shared this point of view:

• To be fair, a lot of kids around that age have to get ready on their own because their parents already left for work. I was one of them, and it was pretty normal in my social circles, and now I am a teacher and know this from lots of students — from when I was 8, my parents left at 4:45 and 6:30 for work and I had to get up and ready on my own.
  BUT if my parents had been home and decided to sleep in instead of getting up with me, I 100% would have felt neglected. Where on earth would that be acceptable behavior for a parent. This “father” is completely out of touch with reality. © Susannah_Mio_ / Reddit
• Seriously, he thinks sitting on the couch and watching screens is being an engaged and active parent. That’s not even the bare minimum. © Freyja2179 / Reddit
• My dad gave me piggyback rides from bed to breakfast practically until I got taller than him — and would have happily continued except that I realized that I’d probably start hurting him. Did he need to? Absolutely not!
  But it meant that I started every school day with a few seconds hugging my dad. He got up with us every day, even when I was 18. This post makes me so sad because he seems to think he’s a good father. © TheWhiteBee42 / Reddit

But there were people who tried to support the man:

• Our kid wanted to do his mornings alone from age 10 or so. We’d set the kitchen up already, so he could get himself a snack, so he could get himself breakfast easily, and he liked getting it himself and then sitting quietly and eating to prepare for his day. So, we left him to it. © Thequiet01 / Reddit
• My son has been like this since about that age. Any time I try it is, “No mom, I can do it myself.” He is 12. I am awake at the time and still drive him in to school, but he wants to pick his clothes and get his breakfast. He even will scramble his own eggs. I keep an eye out to make sure he is safe, but just let him do his own thing. © IndigoTJo / Reddit

What is your opinion about the situation described? Since what age can a child get ready for school themselves? And here are 20 dads who are considered totally cool by the entire Internet.