He Stole From Me and Lied to My Stepmom—Now I’m Ready to Burn It All Down

A good financial practice starts with being financially literate. It is best to be prepared for the unexpected and for your future plans and personal goals. Our Bright Side reader, however, is in a situation that left her livid. She has reached out to share her problems in hopes of helping her decide her next step.

She wrote what happened.

Hi Bright Side! I am about to share this mess that's currently happening in my life. I feel so mad that I don't care about the consequences or what will happen after my decision. I feel like I can burn bridges at the moment.

So, I tried buying a house, but the bank rejected me. They said I had huge debts, three credit cards I never opened, all in my name. They led to Dad’s address. Then my stepmom emailed me out of nowhere. I froze, staring at the screen as I read the subject line: "Thank you."

She wrote about how much it meant to her that I was "willing to help in such a difficult time," that she was touched that I cared, even though we hadn’t been close. She said she hoped we could finally start healing the space between us. It left me confused.

I stared at the screen for a long time. I hadn’t done anything, I had no clue what she was talking about. In fact, I hadn’t spoken to my dad or her in nearly two years. It was awkward for me to live in the same house as them. That's why, after I moved out and started building my own life, I kept my distance.

For background, we were never close after he married Claire, my stepmom. She and I never got along, being with them feels like I'm walking on eggshells. Once I was independent, I didn’t feel a need to fake anything anymore, so I just focused on myself and my life.

That’s why her email confused me so much. It had come out of nowhere. That was the first red flag.

As soon as I connected the dots, I immediately went to confront my dad, and his face dropped. He didn’t even try to deny it. "I didn’t know what else to do," he said.

"Claire’s treatment... the bills were insane. I was drowning, I was desperate. And I couldn’t get credit anymore. I thought I could use yours, I didn't expect for you to find it out. I was planning that I’d pay it off before it hurt you." I couldn't process what he was trying to say.

Then he added, quietly, "Don't worry, I told her that you volunteered to help. That you were trying to make peace with her. She actually cried when she heard that. She said, maybe you weren’t so cold after all." I saw him smiling after saying that.

I felt sick. How could he do this? I still can't properly process his point, but I felt so done. He didn't ask for my permission, how come he thought it was okay?

"You lied to her and stole from me! I was planning to use it for my house!" I said. He responded to me that he was sorry and that he was just so desperate to provide for his wife's treatment. He assured me that he would fix it, but the next words had me furious.

He said, "You’ve got time. You’re still young. You can wait a few more years to get a house." What the? I snapped at him, saying, "What you did was not okay! You lied to your wife, you stole from me. You didn’t just ruin my credit. You messed with something bigger."

I was on the verge of crying from frustration and anger. He stayed silent.

"It’s not just about the credit, Dad. It’s about you lying to me and Claire. You took my name and used it like it was yours. You ruined my trust. And you didn’t even plan on telling me. I'm hurt and am so mad," I told him while holding my tears back, and walked out.

After that confrontation, I told my siblings Nate, who’s from Dad’s first marriage, like me, and Leah, who’s Claire’s daughter, my half-sister. I told them everything, and about the incident with Dad. Nate was furious. Told me that was identity theft and that I should take legal action for what he has done.

While Leah looked heartbroken and was about to cry. "He did it for Mom," she said. Nate was about to snap at Leah, but I stopped him. I know that Nate and I were thinking the same response but considering Leah's shoes, that's her mother who Dad is desperately saving. I didn't respond to her statement, and Nate tried changing the topic despite feeling angry.

I decided to take legal action even before talking to my siblings. What Dad did to me is just not right. I get that he had his reasons for doing so, but that's unfair to me. He didn't check on me, nor did he talk to me about it.

He just straight up used my identity and gave debt in my name. It's already affecting me so much. I know that this will ruin the connection I have with them and may hurt them. Am I making the right decision?

Advice from Bright Side:

This is a tough and emotional situation to be in. It makes sense that you're feeling hurt, mad, and betrayed. There have been serious consequences for you from your father's actions, and, understandably, you want to take steps to protect yourself.

Before making any final decisions, think about meeting with a lawyer or financial advisor to find out more about your legal options and the potential implications of legal action. You may also want to examine ways to dispute the false accounts made by your Dad and restore your credit.

These 5 actions to take if someone opens a credit card in your name may help you:

1. Contact the Credit Card Issuer: Immediately reach out to the issuer's fraud department to report the unauthorized account. This action can lead to the closure of the fraudulent account and initiate an investigation. ​
2. Report the Identity Theft: File a police report with your local law enforcement to document the incident. ​
3. Review Your Credit Reports: Examine them for any unauthorized accounts or inquiries, as there might be multiple fraudulent activities.
4. Dispute Fraudulent Information: If you identify fraudulent accounts or information on your credit reports, file disputes with each credit bureau. They will investigate and remove confirmed fraudulent entries.
5. Implement Additional Security Measures: Place a fraud alert on your credit reports to prompt creditors to verify your identity before opening new accounts. For heightened security, consider a credit freeze to restrict access to your credit reports, preventing new accounts from being opened in your name.

This problem is made more complex by the fact that the family is involved. Thinking about what you want out of life, not just financially but also in terms of your connection with your father and the rest of your family, might be helpful.

Whether you decide to pursue legal action or find another way to resolve this, the most important thing is making sure your rights and future are protected.

In another story, a daughter expressed her situation of refusing to risk her financial future for her sister’s sake.