I Don’t Want My Husband’s 8-Year-Old Daughter to Live in Our House, He Is Threatening Me With a Divorce

Relationships
4 weeks ago

Stella, 39, has penned us a heartfelt and emotional letter and shared her concerns about the family situation. The woman wants a sincere opinion of our readers on her decision to not allow her husband’s 8-year-old daughter to live in their house permanently. Stella believes that her reasons for such a radical decision are enough, but her husband is raging about Stella’s unwillingness to share her place with his child. Let’s find out the details of this intricate family situation.

Stella is happy in her second marriage, and so is her husband Paul.

Stella, 39, is a woman who has achieved a lot in her life. She has a very well-paid and rewarding job, having grown from a nurse to a chief doctor of cardiology. She’s happy in her marriage and could easily enjoy her life, but there’s a problem in her newly created family that doesn’t let her live a normal life.

The woman shared her family story and explained why she had to make a tough decision, which has led to her constant fights and misunderstandings with her husband, Paul. Stella wants to hear our readers’ opinion on this controversial subject and get a sound piece of advice from people who might have been in the same situation.

The woman opened her letter, saying, “I’ve been married to my husband Paul for over 3 years now. This is my second marriage, and the same is for Paul. We’re quite happy in our relationship, because it’s mature, stable and transparent. We both have been working hard on achieving that level of mutual understanding and trust that we now have in our family.
Everything seemed good so far, but there’s a problem that doesn’t allow us to move forward with our happy marriage. And this problem is Paul’s expectations from me towards his child, Ella.”

Paul has a daughter from previous marriage, and Stella has always been nice to the girl.

Stella shared, “Paul has a child from his previous marriage. His daughter Ella is 8.
Paul was open about the child from the beginning of our relationship. He has Ella every two weeks on weekends. I’ve always told him that’s fine, I have absolutely no problem with it. I believe he can spend time with her as much as he wants, and I won’t make a fuss about it. If he wanted to include me, I would always happily join on activities as well.”

Stella added, “But I also made it clear to my husband that I’m not Ella’s parent, that’s him and his ex. Of course, I would look after the girl if she was left with me, I never ignored her. I cooked too when she was with us, and if she wanted to talk or play with me, I’d do that too.
But I refuse to parent her. I was clear about that. If Ella did something that required grounding, for example, I would not be the one to tell her and ground or punish her. That’s a parent’s duty, which I am not.”

The situation in the family became tense all of a sudden.

Stella shared, “10 months ago Paul lost his job and since he couldn’t find a new one fast enough, he got evicted from the apartment he had been living in before we moved in together. He kept that apartment even after our marriage, and we both thought that was fine. I have my own house, and I live in it, Paul lived in that apartment and worked from there, this was the model of marriage we had agreed on, and we did find it convenient. But since he lost that apartment, I told him he can move in with me.
I got a spare room, which I turned into a bedroom for Ella, so she has a comfortable place to stay when she’s with us. Things went totally fine the whole time, just last week Paul sat me down for a serious talk. He told me that his ex-wife found out about his new living situation and since she’s living in an apartment, she told Paul it would be way better if Ella lives full time with us and visits her twice a month.”

Stella was dumbfounded after hearing the news. The woman shared, “I was totally furious, and you can probably understand my feelings. Without talking to me first about it, my husband agreed to that and presented it to me like ’Honey, please be happy! Our little girl will be full time with us now’ to which I laughed, cause I thought he was joking.”

Stella is resentful about her husband’s wish and she openly expressed her concerns.

Stella shared, “Unfortunately Paul wasn’t joking at all. I turned him down instantly and told him I’m not ok with that, not at all. Though I don’t work from home, I just never wanted kids and that point didn’t change, and Paul had been fine with that before.”

“My husband tried to guilt-trip me, saying that it’s not ok that Ella has to live in an apartment now. He said he just wants to provide her a better living situation. To which I reminded him that this is my house, not his. So it’s my decision who lives here permanently and not his, especially not behind my back.
Paul got angry and told me that I emasculated him by saying things like this, and I needed to apologize. I quickly got up and brought his suitcase, told him to get his stuff and move out of my house. He said he would file for divorce.”

Stella added, “After Paul left, his ex started blowing up my phone. She keeps telling me what an evil person I am to take stability from Ella, and called me a monster. I told her that she’s the mother and providing stability is her burden, not mine.
Though I feel like my decision was justified, I still feel guilty about Ella in this situation. What should I do?”

And here’s a woman who doesn’t want her own pregnant daughter and her 6 kids to live in her house anymore. The woman kicked her daughter out, and she has zero regrets. Read more to find out why she had to make such a radical decision about her child and grandkids, one of whom is yet unborn.

Preview photo credit freepik / Freepik

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You were lucky to find out about this BEFORE the daughter moved in. If you had agreed to this, it would have ended up that in one way or another he would have insisted on being co-owner of the house. Then he would have probably manipulated you out of there and his ex would have moved in to play family. You would have lost everything. Now you lose your husband but gain your freedom to live as you wish.
No one should force someone to become a "parent" if you don't want to, and no one should nestle into someone else's home as your husband has tried to do by saying his daughter SHOULD move in with you. He didn't ask he decided..

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in a marriage a couple are equal partners, but when you marry a person with childrenl. you are lucky enough to have a package deal and get a two fer one. when a person has a child there is always the possiblity that they may end up living with you at some time or other, if you cant accept that, then you should of never got married to begin with.

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You are right. She married a man with a child. There are a lot of circumstances that would have had the girl living with them and that's the deal she should have known when she married him. Obviously, the mother is willing to give up custody, which says something about her lack of caring for her daughter. The couple needs to work it out, but if the wife just flat out refuses, then I think he should divorce her. He made the wrong choice of a wife since she really does not want children, her's or their's or his.

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