I Excluded My Future MIL From Our Wedding Plans

A wedding is such a big and special celebration that needs proper and thorough preparation. It might be a stressful process, but it’s done with a smile and passion because it is the celebration of a couple’s love. However, our Bright Side reader seems to experience only the stress part as she deals with her future mother-in-law.

She shared how a joyous wedding planning became a spiral of stress.

Hi, Bright Side! This is a recent event that happened, and I am at a loss. So my future MIL, Margaret, decided that my wedding had to be “perfect” but by her definition.

My fiancé, Drew, is her only son, and I can understand why she is so devoted to him. She was so excited when she found out about our engagement and, of course, our wedding. I did my best to include her in the planning, but she's getting further with her suggestions and expectations.

She was relentless. She sent daily messages with lists, demands, and was trying to take over everything. When I didn't give in, she'd rope in my parents with her unnecessary demands. She did it because she knew that they contributed financially to our wedding, while Margaret only had her advice and 'expertise'.

Eventually, I just cut her out of the planning completely. Why? The final straw was when she contacted our previous wedding coordinator, bombarding her with requests and even pretending to be me to change the plans.

I snapped at her when I found out, it turned into a full-blown argument between us. She's saying that my choices for MY wedding were all wrong, so she had to step up. She added that I should be thankful that she's giving her expertise. I disagreed with her statements and pointed out that she's not even an expert on weddings. Her so-called expertise is just from her own experience.

Margaret did not take this well, neither did Drew. He insisted his mother was only trying to help and that I was being too harsh. The tension between us grew, but I stood firm. I refused to let her take over my wedding plans.

After that incident, I ended up hiring a new wedding coordinator and started all over again. I felt so stressed and anxious this time because I didn't know what would happen to my wedding. Margaret was trying so hard to decide for us.

A few days ago, I found out through my wedding coordinator that another woman was saying to change the motif of my wedding. She told me that this person had introduced herself as me. My face turned red, I was livid. I immediately called my fiancé to tell him that his mom was back at it again!

He then dismissed me by saying that it was not a big deal and that I was overreacting. Drew had given her the contact information of our new wedding coordinator. He thought that if his mother knew the plans, she would calm down. Instead, Margaret took full advantage of the opportunity.

I blew up at him for betraying my trust and crossing the line. He tried to calm me down by explaining to his mother's side that she meant no harm. So, pretending to be me means no harm to him at all. I walked out and stayed at my parents' place. He kept sending me messages saying that I should understand his mother.

I feel so frustrated. Why should I understand Margaret when she doesn't even try to do it to me? She's been crossing the line ever since the start of the wedding planning. I'm at the point that I'm having second thoughts about this marriage. I don't know if I'm overreacting.

A piece of advice from Bright Side

Planning a wedding can be exciting, but also overwhelming—94% of couples in a 2023 Zola survey reported feeling stressed or overwhelmed by the process. Common stressors include budgeting, guest lists, family expectations, and juggling planning with everyday responsibilities.

Experts recommend managing this stress by focusing on top priorities, keeping open communication with family, breaking tasks into smaller steps, having a backup plan, surrounding yourself with a supportive team, hiring a wedding planner, and maintaining regular self-care. Most importantly, nurturing your relationship through quality time and accepting the ups and downs of planning can help keep things in perspective.

As mentioned above, stress is present in the process, and there are suggestions for managing it. Planning is already emotionally loaded, and it’s understandable that repeated interference, especially with something as personal as your wedding plans, would leave you feeling frustrated and stressed.

Even if your fiancé's mother might think she's trying to be helpful, it went too far to act like you and undermine your plans. The bigger issue here is setting healthy boundaries and making sure you and your fiancé are on the same page. Talking calmly with him about how you felt about her behavior and his reaction could be helpful.

Focus on what you need to feel respected and supported moving forward. If it’s hard to resolve on your own, a premarital counselor could help you both navigate this and build stronger communication before marriage. It is suggested to express emotions, talk to trusted friends or a therapist, distinguish between wedding and marriage stress, and even postpone if needed. Ultimately, making peace with your feelings and allowing space for reflection leads to healthier decisions and relationships.

It was an unexpected wedding planning disaster shared by our reader. Speaking of unexpected, these wedding stories have unpredictable moments, you might want to read with this link.