Receiving rules from anyone is hard, but it’s especially difficult when they come from your son’s wife. Jenna’s daughter-in-law felt their relationship was too close and demanded boundaries, even giving her four strict rules to follow. Furious, Jenna reached out to us for advice on how to handle the situation.
These aren't insulting rules - they're very basic boundries for a new mother dealing with intrusive and overbearing inlaws. Which you are, or you wouldn't be expecting to visit unannounced, stay over, babysit the newborn before the mother is ready, or demanding holiday visits. Adjust your expectations, and comply with these quite minimal boundries, and give your son and his family space and time to adjust to having a new baby.
Thank you for writing us, Jenna! We’ve prepared some advice that can help you navigate through this situation.
Schedule a calm and private conversation with your son. Share your feelings about the distance growing between you and how his wife’s rules affect your relationship. Emphasize that you value your bond and want to understand his perspective.
This approach allows you to express your concerns without directly confronting his wife, which could create more tension.
While it’s important to respect your daughter-in-law’s wishes, consider setting your own boundaries. If you can’t visit unannounced, determine how often you’re comfortable calling or visiting.
This shows that you’re willing to compromise while maintaining your role in your son’s life. It might also help you avoid feeling hurt by her restrictions.
Cut the strings Mom! You are no longer the most important woman in his life as it should be.
Rather than focusing on how often you see your grandchild or your son, look for ways to make the time you spend together more meaningful. Plan special activities or one-on-one moments that are engaging and memorable, so when you do see them, it feels significant and not just routine.
Rather than demanding holidays with your son, propose a new tradition that includes both sides of the family. This could be a rotating schedule for holidays or planning a family gathering that includes your daughter-in-law’s parents.
This way, you’re showing that you’re open to compromise and value family unity, which may help ease her concerns about pressure.
Norma is also having a tense relationship with her DIL. It all started when Norma decided to defy her son’s bride’s rules of an all-vegan menu at the wedding by bringing a meat caterer. Things took a turn for the worse quickly. Here is the full story.
