I Refuse to Delay Our Family Trip Because of My Sick DIL

A fun family trip to celebrate a milestone? Sounds simple enough, until a serious issue flips the script. One family member’s battle with illness sets off a chain reaction—did our reader cross the line, or was she just trying to make her birthday unforgettable?

Dear Bright Side,

I’m a 62F. I have two sons. My youngest son, Mark, is married to Lena (30F). She’s been dealing with some health stuff for a while now.

My birthday is coming. I wanted to do something different this year, something actually fun. So I decided to book a resort for the whole family for a couple of days and make it a family trip. Three hours away.

I called Mark to tell him the plan. Immediately, he said, “I need to check with Lena, she has treatments that week.” I just told him that if she wasn’t up for it, she could stay home and rest. That’s fine.

But he does not need to be glued to her side 24/7. It’s just 2 days. It’s my birthday, after all, and I want my family to be with me.

Mark got weird about it and basically said he wasn’t leaving her. Then he said we should move the whole trip to another time. I told him no, I already booked everything, and it’s non-refundable.

He asked why I didn’t ask them before booking. Well, because if I waited for Lena’s medical calendar to magically open up, we’d never go anywhere. I’m sorry, but that’s the truth.

A couple of hours later, Lena called me. She said, “Well, I hope you enjoy your vacation, because we won’t be there,” and immediately hung up on me.

Then, I heard a knock on the door. I froze when a courier gave me an envelope with a folded paper inside. It was her medical test results—she had been diagnosed with a serious illness. Now Mark and Lena are ignoring us, and apparently, I’m the villain for “excluding her.”

Well, first, I didn’t know about the seriousness of the situation. Second, I didn’t exclude her. I booked a hotel for her, too. She could’ve come if she wanted to. A couple of days would do no harm to her, I believe.

I understand that her situation is pretty serious, but it doesn’t mean that everyone around needs to put their lives on hold. Am I wrong?

Kathy

Hey Kathy,

Let us start by saying that you didn’t wake up and choose villainy. That’s true. But you did walk into a medical hurricane holding a party hat.

• What you got right: You wanted a joyful, “alive” kind of birthday. At 62, that’s not selfish—that’s sane. There’s a reason psychologists talk about “life expansion” as we age: people who keep planning things, seeing friends, traveling, and celebrating milestones tend to stay mentally healthier longer. Human brains don’t thrive on “waiting until the perfect time.” Perfect time is a unicorn.
  Also, your core point—"a family can’t put life on hold forever"—is not wrong. Caregiving culture can quietly swallow entire families.

• Where you went wrong (and yes, you did): You booked something non-refundable without checking availability. It’s a recipe for conflict. And the phrase: “He doesn’t need to be glued to her side 24/7.” Whew. That one probably landed like a slap.
  When someone is seriously ill, the healthy partner often becomes their emotional anchor. Even if Lena could physically stay alone for two days, Mark may not be emotionally capable of enjoying himself while imagining her home, scared, waiting for results, or dealing with side effects. In couples facing illness, “being present” isn’t about logistics—it’s about loyalty and fear.
  You weren’t saying, “dump your wife.” But to him, it likely sounded like “your wife is inconvenient.”

Basically, this isn’t actually about a resort. It’s about whose reality leads the family right now.

Your reality: “Life is still happening. I’m still a mother, a person, it’s my birthday.”
Their reality: “Our world just tilted. We don’t know what the next month looks like.”

So are you wrong? You didn’t exclude her on purpose. But you did treat her illness like a scheduling nuisance rather than a crisis. And that’s the part they’re reacting to.

What to do now:

1. Drop the courtroom defense.
   Even if you’re factually correct, “I didn’t know” won’t soothe them right now.
2. Say the one sentence that may repair family wounds:
   “I’m sorry I didn’t understand how serious this was, and I’m sorry my words made you feel unsupported.”
   Not “I’m sorry if you felt...”
   Not “but I didn’t mean...”
3. Then add reassurance:
   “I love you both. I want to support Lena properly. Tell me what would help.”
4. Let Mark be her husband first.
   This is the season where his marriage needs to be the priority. That’s not him abandoning you; that’s him being a decent partner.

This wasn’t your finest emotional read, Kathy. But it can be a turning point instead of a breaking point—if you lead with compassion now instead of principles.

And hey: next time you want a family trip, do a quick group chat poll first.

Bright Side

Another family faces a different kind of challenge: I Refuse to Let My Mother Disrespect My Stepdaughter. In this article, we’ll explore a stepdaughter’s struggle and the tough decision our reader made to protect her child.