Why doesn't DIL drop her kids at her parents.
I Refuse to Feed My DIL’s Kids for Free, They Are Draining My Retirement Savings
Family dynamics can get tricky when parenting, child care, and expectations clash. One woman shared how repeated babysitting demands from her daughter-in-law strained her happiness and led to a tense standoff over roles and limits.


My daughter-in-law often drops off her 7-year-old twins from her first marriage at my place. I never minded helping out—family is family—but the kids absolutely refuse to eat anything I cook. I tried pasta, sandwiches, even homemade chicken nuggets, but they’d wrinkle their noses and ask for pizza or fast food.
Finally, after one especially exhausting visit, I told my daughter-in-law, “Please feed your kids before you come”. She didn’t say much. Just chuckled and nodded.


Sounds to me like you don't consider those to be your "real" grandkids. Buy cheaper snacks, buy in bulk, come on complaining about 7 year old! You aren't feeding a football team. Mean and selfish
Some seniors live on social security alone. Imagine getting 1700/month and feeding 2 growing boys fast food several days a week. That would be approx $100/week x 4 or 5 weeks from that months pay. Then you have to pay for utilities, possibly rent, groceries, medical, pharmacy, car maintenance, or any normal bill during the month that everyone has. But you make more a d she is on a fixed income.
My moms social security is 987 a month and that's her total income.
She has watched the kids for the entire summer before and I gave her money and/or dropped off food they will eat.
Exactly! My total income is $1,050.00 in social security only. I don't eat out because I can't afford it and pay my bills. Why would I be expected to buy takeout food food for entitled children, blood related or not.
You must be the scrappy son that married the ignorant DIL
How is she mean and selfish. She made them different food, they didn't want them... she's on a set income. Their mom is the inconsiderate one, how can you drop your kids off to some's house and not take food to feed them
Seriously? I hope you have a lot of money saved so you can feed your grandchildren. A lot of us live on a fixed income with little to no savings. The cost of living continues to go up. She isn't charging anything to watch them. If you are getting free daycare the least you can do is feed your kids or send food with them.
I watch all 5 of my grandkids 4 days a week for no pay. Feeding them can break the bank.
That's a wild take considering she said family is family and she doesn't mind helping out. Sounds like she considers them family. And how is being honest mean if she can't afford to feed them what they want. Your take is absolutely ridiculous.
You're mean and judgemental
Ha!
are you always this clueless?
Your comment says a lot about you
Cooking for kids who refuse to eat is exhausting and wasteful. She is spending time with the kids. Nearly every reasonable parent provides food for their kids BECAUSE they are picky and it gets wasteful. Their mother needs to do better. And they're NOT her real grandkids so she IS being more gracious than a lot of people would be. You sound rude, judgmental, and entitled.
The next day, I came home and couldn’t get my front door open. At first, I thought it was jammed. But when I peeked through the window, I was stunned. My DIL was inside, stacking up box after box of groceries—cans, snacks, juice cartons, frozen meals—all over my living room floor.
There were so many that they were blocking the doorway. I knocked, and she let me in. “This should last a while,” she said flatly. “I didn’t realize my kids were such a burden.”


These people who always tell grandparents to refuse their grandchildren's access to grandma or grandpa as punishment are out of their minds. Punishing the children for their parents lack of respect, boundries, or inability to communicate like an adult to the other adult family member is obsured
Since then, she’s barely said a word to me. My son is torn, trying to keep the peace, but I can see the tension. And the twins haven’t come by since. Was I wrong? How do I make peace with my DIL without inviting more passive-aggression into my home?
— Margaret
Thank you, Margaret, for sharing your story with us. What your daughter-in-law did is certainly unusual, and we hope the advice we’ve gathered will help you navigate this situation while maintaining a good relationship with her.
Recognize the time and care she puts into raising her children.


You should have smiled and thanked her for leaving food they'll eat that you can't afford. "Although I don't have enough room in my freezer for all of the meals."
And give her a schedule of days and times you're available. If it's not on the schedule you just tell her you're not available if she just shows up. "I'm getting ready to leave, see you Thursday."
Being a parent is no small task—balancing kids, chores, and a job can be a real challenge. Let your daughter-in-law know you see how much she’s handling and that you respect her dedication to the kids. Just letting her know you notice her hard work can help ease some of the strain between you.
Check in with your son privately.
Talk to your son alone—not to vent, but to explain where your heart really is. Let him know that you love the kids and enjoy seeing them, but you felt caught off guard by the groceries and silence afterward.
Ask him gently if there’s something else going on, or if your DIL shared anything that could help you understand her reaction. Avoid making him choose sides. Just keep the focus on wanting to repair the relationship and keep the family connected in a healthy, balanced way.
Talk about finding a childcare solution together.


Pand j is always avail fair is fair ham and cheese
Watching several kids can be a lot—especially when you’re in retirement. Gently let your daughter-in-law know you’d love to support her in looking into other options like daycare, after-school programs, or hiring someone part-time. Offer to help her do the research or talk through ideas. It shows you care, but also need to be realistic about your own limits.
Give time without withdrawing love.
If she’s still cold or distant after your efforts, try not to match her energy. You can give her space while still staying open-hearted. That might look like a short check-in text now and then, or dropping off something thoughtful without pushing for a conversation.
Don’t beg, don’t guilt—just show steady, kind presence. People come around in their own time, especially when they realize you’re not trying to win a battle, you’re trying to build peace. It may take time, but kindness has a quiet way of getting through.
Child care can stir up strong emotions in families. One mom made the tough decision to stop her mother-in-law from seeing the kids after a serious boundary was ignored. It wasn’t easy—but for her, protecting her children came first. Read the full story here.
Comments
Say to the kids "I'm so sorry. I don't have any money for takeout. Does anything I have appeal to you? No? OK. Let me know if you change your mind. "
Paleaseeee. The grandma in here is super intitled.
1: if she agrees to babysit and there's a meal around that time. She should feed them kids.
2: they are her grandkids regardless who the father is ..
3: daughter in law pays you to babysit hmmm wonderful means you should think how wonderful that is it's not diving into trust funds.
Sounds like another Karen style grandparents seeking attention to me. Hating on such small people. You should be ashamed of yourself. Totally ashamed. Maybe president trump should think deporting you.
So often we see people giving out of kindness of their hearts cause that's who they are. Mother of those kids brought things the kids can eat.
But you looked at it like a slap in the face because not what you cook.
Maybe take cooking lessons if the children don't like what your serving a special thing called seasoning. Salt n pepper doesn't season everything to kids liking.
If don't like it that much say simply get different daycare providers. But you agree to be that then be that without the kareness in everything.
Such a bully to 7 year olds. They are absolutely need positive influence. Somebody please call child services on this woman she obviously is treating these kids poorly as a daycare providers.... Maybe she needs inspection by daycare professional people. Something is not right for those kids to not want to eat. Maybe look at what you feed them and seasoning helps
She should have explained why she mentioned feeding them before they came over... That the kids refuse every meal & she's out of ideas & money. Or next time, just make what you have & set it out. If they refuse to eat it, show it to mom & say "if they're hungry, this is why." If y'all can't talk it out, neither of you have the maturity it takes to raise, or even, watch kids.
Why is it the "experts" who are writing these articles all give the same advice, which is, "Be a doormat?"
I tell my own flesh and blood daughter to feed my grandson sometimes before she brings him cuz he is picky and sorry not sorry Im not fighting that fight! I fought that fight with her brother- shes the parent this time around TAG YOUR IT SIS! Bring him after he's eaten or make sure whatever he wants comes with him! The amount of people trying to shame this grandmother is ridiculous! We dont owe these kids ANYTHING! Count your blessings that you have free childcare and stop expecting people to do YOUR job as the parent!

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