I Refuse to Follow My MIL’s Rules Even If I Live in Her House

Living with your mother-in-law under the same roof isn’t an ideal scenario for most of us. Our reader Jennifer felt she had no choice when she temporarily moved in with her husband’s mother. However, when her mother-in-law began to be overly involved in her son’s upbringing, Jennifer found herself in need of advice and wrote a letter to Bright Side.

We understand that this situation is far from ideal. We have gathered some expert advice and hope that it will help Jennifer maintain a good relationship with her mother-in-law while keeping her boundaries.

Pick your battles.

When navigating conflicts with your mother-in-law, it’s essential to prioritize the issues that truly matter to you. Identify the core concerns that impact your well-being or your child’s upbringing, and focus your energy on addressing those.

Not every disagreement needs to be tackled head-on. In fact, trying to resolve every minor issue can lead to unnecessary tension and escalate conflicts.

Create a routine.

Establishing a consistent routine for your son that both you and your mother-in-law can agree on is crucial for creating a harmonious living environment. A well-structured routine provides your son with a sense of stability and security, which is especially important during times of change or transition.

By setting a clear schedule for daily activities—like meal times, naps, playtime, and bedtime—you create a plan that can reduce disagreements and misunderstandings between you and your mother-in-law. When both of you are on the same page regarding your son’s schedule, it reduces the chances of conflicting approaches to parenting.

Express gratitude.

It’s important to acknowledge your mother-in-law’s help and let her know that you genuinely appreciate her support. Expressing gratitude for the ways she contributes—whether it’s watching your son, assisting with household chores, or simply being there during a challenging time—can go a long way in easing tension. A heartfelt thank you, whether said in person, through a note, or even a small gesture, can make her feel valued and respected.

Seek compromise.

Finding middle ground with your mother-in-law is key to creating a more harmonious living situation. Rather than letting disagreements escalate, try to identify solutions that address both of your concerns.

For example, if she’s worried about your son still co-sleeping with you, rather than dismissing her concerns outright, consider finding a gradual solution that works for everyone. You could slowly transition your son to his own bed over time, perhaps starting with naps in his own bed or moving his bed closer to yours.

Find alternative childcare.

If possible, begin exploring alternative childcare options to help reduce your reliance on your mother-in-law. This might involve researching local daycare centers, interviewing potential babysitters, or considering other forms of childcare that fit your family’s needs and budget. Having additional options for caring for your son can not only provide you with more flexibility but also help alleviate some of the pressure and tension that has built up in your relationship with your mother-in-law.

Jennifer was worried that her mother-in-law was becoming too involved in her parenting. It is indeed challenging to set clear boundaries when you live with your in-laws under the same roof. Another reader recently reached out to us and shared her story. Her mother-in-law was insisting on living with them, and the young woman had to say that she would only allow it under certain conditions.