I Refuse to Let My Brother Turn My Baby Shower Into His Engagement Party

Every family has that one person who just can’t stay out of the spotlight. For one mom-to-be, that person was her own brother. She shared on Reddit how her joyful baby shower, meant to celebrate a new life, suddenly turned into a tense family showdown. We invite you to read this story.

A baby shower that wasn’t supposed to be shared.

I’m (29F) due in November with our first baby. We planned a small, mixed baby shower at a local village hall: some nibbles, silly games, and a couple of speeches. My husband and I paid for most of it, and my MIL chipped in for desserts. It wasn’t anything extravagant, but it was our little celebration.

A week before the shower, my brother (26M) texted asking if he could propose to his girlfriend during the party because “the whole family will be there.” I told him no. I said I’d be thrilled to help plan something special, literally any other day, but I really wanted to keep the shower about the baby.

He kicked off a bit and got my mom involved, who said it would be “so lovely” and “two birds, one stone.” I said no again and thought that was the end of it.

The day everything fell apart.

On the day, during the toasts, my mom called my brother up “to say a few words.” He started chatting about love and family, and I saw him pat his pocket. He turned to his girlfriend and started to go down on one knee.

I stood up, walked over, took the mic (not yanking it, I’m being honest), and said, “Hey, we love you guys, but we’re not doing this today. Let’s please keep today focused on the baby. We’ll help you celebrate properly soon, I promise.”

The room went dead quiet. His girlfriend looked mortified and ran to the bathroom. My brother got angry, said I’d embarrassed him, and left. The rest of the shower was awkward.

Afterwards, a few family members said I did the right thing and that proposals at other people’s events are tacky. Others said I should have just let it happen and not caused a scene.

Boundaries, bills, and broken trust.

That night, the family group chat blew up. My mom said I was “controlling” and that she’d cleared a “surprise moment” with the venue (as if that’s the point?). I said I’d already told them both no, and that consent matters for parties, too.

My brother said I ruined his big moment and that his girlfriend had planned to fly her sister over next month, so this was the only time everyone was together. I told him we would have all turned up for him whenever he asked.

Here’s where I might be the bad guy: the next morning, I sent my brother an itemized request to cover half of the hall hire and the extra drinks package, since he tried to, in his words, “make it our day too.” I said if he wanted to use the party as his proposal venue, he could help pay for it.

He hasn’t paid (obviously) and now says I’m being petty and tight. I know sending a bill looks bad, but I was so hurt that he and my mom ignored a boundary I’d clearly set.

Since then, his girlfriend messaged me privately to apologize and said she had no idea he was planning to do it there. She also said she doesn’t want their proposal tied to the memory of my baby shower anyway, which I totally understand and was grateful for. I told her I was sorry for how awkward it was and would love to help them plan something nice later on.

So, am I wrong for taking the mic, shutting him down, and sending the invoice? If you were at a party and someone tried this, would you just let it happen or step in politely? What’s a better way I could have handled it in the moment?

I’m definitely willing to make up; I just don’t want to set a precedent that my “no” doesn’t actually mean anything.

People had a lot to say about this story.

• Is it more important to him that his family sees him propose than that he make it a good proposal for his girlfriend? If you ask most women what a good proposal would be, “I want his entire family to be there” isn’t going to be the answer 99% of the time. © Music_withRocks_In / Reddit
• It totally takes the shine off the celebration itself. Some moments just aren’t meant to be shared. © Forsaken_Me155 / Reddit
• Sending the bill was mean and petty (but it still made me laugh!) © nasturshum / Reddit
• The brother just wanted the important vibes that the original poster had curated for her shower, but he didn’t want to put in any time, money, or effort himself. If he were my boyfriend, I’d be so embarrassed by him. I would have turned him down flat, if not immediately dumped him. © perpetuallyxhausted / Reddit
• His attempt to hijack the event left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth, and he really does owe OP the funds for his actions. Let me know when they break up. © NefariousnessSweet70 / Reddit
• Sending him a bill after stopping him is like kicking him when he’s down. In this case, however, he absolutely deserved it. © Tazmosis85 / Reddit
• Your mother is so, but so wrong! It’s not “so lovely” and “two birds, one stone.” It’s TACKY and CHEAP. © Melodic-Dark6545 / Reddit

Family dynamics are complicated, especially when emotions run high. But sometimes, saying “no” is the only way to protect your own milestones. If you’ve ever had to deal with family drama stealing your moment, you’re not alone. And you might want to check out this article about when loved ones cross the line and how to handle it with grace.