One angry woman turned to Reddit to vent about what she thought was super-inappropriate behavior of her MIL. While playing a doting grandma, MIL crossed several boundaries and interfered with her DIL’s private life.
The woman shared, “I (32F) have a 3-month-old baby with my husband (31M). His mom lives across the country (we’re on the East Coast, she’s in California), and to be honest, she’s always been a little intense.
Not a full blown monster-in-law, but def more ‘involved’ than I’m used to. Like, she’s the kind of woman who will call to say she saw a ‘cuter’ outfit for the baby than the one I posted on IG.
Anyway, when our baby was born, my MIL asked if she could have access to the baby monitor so she could ‘see her grandchild grow up from afar.’ I was a little iffy on it but my husband thought it would be sweet and would help her feel more connected, since she can’t visit often. So I agreed.”
The OP wrote, “We have a Nanit camera in the nursery which lets you view the video feed from anywhere. What I didn’t realize is that she’d be watching us all the time. Like, not just the baby sleeping. She comments on things she has no business even noticing
Like the other day, I was breastfeeding in the nursery (I wear a robe cause it’s more comfy) and a few hours later she texted my husband saying, ‘Tell [my name] I’d be happy to send her a nicer robe, that red one’s looking a little raggedy 😳.’
Like.. what?? Excuse me??
I was so creeped out. I mean, that was clearly during a private moment, not just the baby napping. I told my husband and he kinda just shrugged it off. He said something like, ‘She doesn’t mean anything by it. She’s just observant. I grew up like that. We never had real privacy in the house.’”
The woman wrote, “Okay but... we’re not kids anymore? And she’s not even here?
She also makes weird little passive-aggressive comments. Like if the baby cries for a while, she’ll text things like, ‘Poor little guy, someone must be tired today 😬’ or ‘I would’ve picked him up sooner, but you’re the mama!’ Which feels like she’s judging me but trying to play it off as casual.
And she always acts like she’s trying to ‘help’ but it’s in a way that makes me feel like I’m constantly being watched and judged. It’s not mean, just kinda... boundary-pushy?
So I changed the settings on the camera so she can’t access it anymore. I didn’t announce it, I just did it. She texted my husband asking if something was wrong with her app, and now he’s mad at me for ‘making it a thing.’”
The woman explained, “He says it was harmless and now she feels ‘cut off,’ and I could’ve just told her instead of ‘going behind everyone’s back.’ I told him I didn’t think I needed permission to stop someone from watching me in my own house. He says I overreacted.
I feel like I’m losing my mind a little because to me this is a huge privacy issue, but maybe I’m being dramatic? I just don’t want someone literally across the country watching me breastfeed and make comments on my clothes and parenting.
So... am I wrong here?”
Tell your husband that you're putting another camera in the bathroom so his mommy can watch him showering and using the toilet. When he objects, remind him that he doesn't think there are any privacy issues.
Seriously, she's spying on you. That, and her passive-aggressive comments are completely out of line. She should lose all "watching" privileges.
One person wrote, “Tell him you’ll set up the nanny cam in his office/man cave and his mom can watch him!!!! Solve both of their problems. Your parenting is between you and him. She is not a third parent and it’s high time she was reminded of that.”
Another user advised, “Revoke baby monitor privileges immediately, and arrange the dad and baby to have video calls instead.”
One more person said, “It really should be set up in his bathroom and wherever he dresses and undresses, so that his mommy can invade his privacy to the same degree. Maybe she’ll give him her opinion as to whether he’s wearing the right type of underwear, and comment on the most intimate things her son is doing.
That his mother denied him privacy growing up and raised him to think boundaries don’t matter is just one of the delightful results of having an abusive parent — that he actually defends her behavior while knowing it’s not right makes it that much worse. It shouldn’t be up to the OP to set him straight when he should have her back since she didn’t sign on to raise two children, but the sooner she puts chocks to her MIL’s creepy surveillance, the better. What is the worst is that you know there’s gonna be a lot more red flags to come as he’ll continue to minimize her attempts to be abusive.”
One more person wrote, “You’re not wrong. That’s invasive and creepy. I would feel incredibly violated if someone was always watching and making comments like that. If you are at all interested in compromise (full disclosure, I would not be) maybe you can agree to turn it on at specific times so she can ’visit,’ like naptime or playtime.”
And here’s a story of a stepmother who installed a camera in her teenage stepdaughter’s bedroom. The woman swears her intention wasn’t to invade privacy, she says it was about safety, accountability. But when her stepdaughter discovered the camera, the fallout wasn’t just emotional, it was explosive. Read on to find out all details of this explosive family story and we bet you’ll have a lot to say in the comments!
