Families are a natural source of support during major life changes, but even the best intentions can lead to unexpected difficulties. What starts as a thoughtful gesture can gradually transform into a heavy burden, particularly when personal boundaries aren’t established. One reader found herself constantly giving more than she was comfortable with, while getting little in return. As the imbalance grew, she reached her limit and made a choice that left her loved ones stunned.
Dear <strong>Bright Side,
I hope this letter finds you well. My dear granddaughter has recently started college in the same city where I live. My daughter asked if it would be all right for her to stay with me to save a bit on rent. Of course, I agreed, thinking it would be a lovely way to help out. But soon enough, I realized things weren’t quite what I’d imagined. It wasn’t just a place to stay that was needed — it seemed like they expected me to cook every meal and do all the laundry as well.
Well, after a lot of thinking, I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands. Without telling my daughter or granddaughter, I packed up all her things, neatly folded them, and placed them by the door. I gave her a week to find somewhere else to stay.
Now, I didn’t do this out of malice. I love my granddaughter dearly. But after a while, I began to feel like I wasn’t helping — I was being used. I’m a retired woman, and instead of enjoying my well-earned peace and quiet, I found myself right back in “mom mode,” running around for a grown-up girl who couldn’t even offer a simple “thank you.”
My daughter was, of course, quite upset when she found out. She said I was being cruel, that I had turned my back on family. But, truth be told, is it so wrong for me to want to live the rest of my years with a little bit of freedom?
Sincerely,
Elisa
While I sympathize with the writer, surely she should have spoken with her granddaughter and daughter before just throwing the girl out. They could have negotiated a compromise (such as the granddaughter helping with chores) or, if they insisted on “mommy services”, she could refuse and ask her granddaughter to leave. Only if the girl refuses both to compromise and to leave should the packing up and throwing out maneuver be done.
It would be interesting to know how involved u have been in not only ur granddaughter's life but ur daughters as well. Such self absorbed behaviors would not just appear as a surprise if you'd helped in her upbringing. The way u decided to just give her the boot without any communication beforehand on how the situation needed rectified kind of puts it into perspective. No discussion with ur own daughter either? Maybe u weren't exactly the mother u thought. We can see u weren't apparently the grandmother for sure.
Tell your daughter you raised your children, if she would have raised hers right this young woman would have appreciate you and all you did. Don't give another thought
A child is taught to be grateful before kindergarten (usually). How much more should a high school (age)student be appreciative for what their flesh and blood grandmother does for them?? The mother knew the character of her spoiled adult daughter before she asked her mother to take her granddaughter in. You were well within your rights.
There is nothing like of mind, perhaps best to have given her a warning because she is family - but other than that she will learn a valuable lesson from your actions and colleges have dorms where she can be surrounded by that very energy and hopefully grow up! #adulting #parentalspankingstopbullets
Maybe you should have established rules before she moved in, or once you started noticing how things were. You could have talked to her, but to just pack up all her stuff and tell her she has a week to find a place, the way you did it, you were wrong
Yes! This! Her decision to kick the granddaughter out without saying anything beforehand was a heartless move, especially with housing costs. Kids that age are naturally more egocentric than a full adult should be. You have to talk with them and model respectful behavior. I have two older teens myself, and verbalizing expectations and giving them the human respect that everyone deserves seems to have gone a long way in raising empathetic, respectful kids.
No her granddaughter invaded her space. Took advantage of the grandmother, the mother of the child took advantage of her mother, by expecting grandma to foot the bill for her granddaughter. Grandma was done raising her kids, time for her kid to take of her own.
Her house, not a baby sitter. Thank you goes a long way to showing gratitude instead of being taken for granted.
It’s not even about peace in retirement. You are teaching her responsibility and consequences. Preparing her for the real world. You are helping her more than you know by doing that. Tell your daughter you are doing the job she should have done.
I was Helpping with dishes cooking and laundry as soon as I could reach while standing on a chair.
Your granddaughter is, supposedly, an adult. If her mom thinks someone should be cooking, cleaning and laundry she needs to since she didn't do a very good job.
Me and my siblings were doing our own laundry by 6th grade and dishes etc in grade school.
"my siblings and I"
What are you grammar police?
That's not the point ☝🏽
Thank you, Elisa, for opening up about your situation. We understand how difficult it can be to voice your concerns, particularly when family dynamics make you feel guilty for prioritizing your own well-being. We trust that the advice below will offer you comfort and provide you with practical ways to move forward.
So either there are huge parts of this story left out, or Grandma just decided the granddaughter needed to get out and packed her stuff.
She says NOTHING, about even attempting to talk to either her daughter or her granddaughter about the house rules, or expectations, or sharing of chores and responsibilities....... she just randomly says "GET OUT"
Sounds like a entire family of self-centered, entitled AH's to me
Before committing to assist a family member, be clear about what you’re willing to do and what you’re not. It’s perfectly fine to say, “You’re welcome to stay here, but I won’t be taking care of your meals or laundry.” Being open from the start avoids misunderstandings.
Oftentimes, people don’t recognize when they’ve overstepped until it’s brought to their attention. Boundaries aren’t meant to create distance — they’re a way to maintain respect for everyone involved.
After years of working hard, raising kids, and putting others ahead of yourself, it’s completely natural to want some time for yourself now. Seeking rest at this stage of life is not an act of selfishness — it’s a form of self-care.
You have every right to carve out your own space and set your own pace. Retirement is meant to be a well-deserved break, not an extension of parenting responsibilities. Remember, peace of mind is essential, not something to feel guilty about.
Families often think that showing love means always saying yes, but real love doesn’t come with the expectation of constant selflessness.
Taking on tasks like laundry or cooking for someone doesn’t define your love for them. You can be a loving grandmother without taking on the role of a full-time caretaker. True respect in a family means acknowledging and honoring each other’s boundaries.
It’s natural to feel a sense of guilt when family members don’t agree with your choices, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve made the wrong call — it could simply be a sign that you’re evolving.
You took the step that was best for you, and that shows real strength. Don’t let the emotional weight of others’ expectations make you doubt yourself. Only you truly understand your own boundaries.
If you’ve ever found yourself in a similar situation, feeling overwhelmed by family expectations, it’s important to remember that setting boundaries is a vital part of maintaining your well-being. For more on how one woman turned the tables when her daughter treated her like a free maid, check out this inspiring story.
Absolutely the grandma should have sat granddaughter down and said "Here is the way that things need to be..." And if they didn't go exactly as Granny spelled out, it's time to go.
I do think that only giving her a week to get out, and not giving her a chance to correct the problems first, was unfair.
She can always go back home to mommy, who apparently spoiled and indulged her and created the entitled adult she became. That's probably why she asked the grandma to take her in because she didn't know how to stand up to and enforce rules on the spoiled brat she raised.
Idk why she's acting like the granddaughter can find a place to live in one week
This sounds like a lack of communication. If you don't want to be her maid, then say, I am not your maid or your cook. All of the drama could have been avoided.
What is wrong with you people acting like Grandma did wrong that entitled brat knew exactly what she was doing because that's the way she was raised her parents should be ashamed of themselves for raising her that way and now want to push their brat on someone else SHES GROWN GET A HOTEL ROOM UNTIL YOU FIND SOMETHING THEY GET PAID TO CLEAN UP AFTER YOU
