I Refuse to Stop Swimming Even Though Our Neighbor Hates It—Our Rules, Our Way

Living with neighbors has its pros and cons. If you respect each other, you could develop amazing friendships. But if you don’t, you could have an enemy for life. One of our readers reached out to share the tale of how their fun in the water turned to an argument.

One of our readers, Robert, shared his story.

Dear Bright Side,

My partner and I have owned our house for over a decade. Throughout the years, we worked very hard to build ourselves a backyard pool because we loved late night swims.

The house next to ours had been empty for years. But a few months ago it was sold, and our new neighbors moved in. We tried our best to make them feel welcome and even invited them over for dinner, but they refused.

A couple of weeks ago, the dad angrily told us to stop using our pool. We asked him why, and he claimed that it was immodest. We thought he was joking and ignored his request. But the next day we caught his son staring at us from the balcony and saw that he was hiding something.

Concealed by his legs, there was a piece of paper that said, “Can I come swim with you?” We froze for a minute and then invited him over. He told us that he keeps begging his dad for a pool like ours, but he keeps refusing.

But the more he asks, the angrier his dad gets. He said it was why his dad came over and told us to stop swimming. The boy loved swimming and wanted to become an athlete, but his dad didn’t see the potential in it so he never bothered getting them a place with a pool.

So we told him that he was welcome to use our pool whenever he wanted. But that was our biggest mistake yet. The next day there was another knock on the door, his dad was furious. He accused us of encouraging his son to live in a fantasy.

We told him that he should stop ignoring his son’s dreams and since this was our house, we were able to do whatever we wanted, and we don’t mind having his son over for a swim. He left without saying another word.

But now I can’t help but wonder if we made the right choice. So Bright Side, was it wrong of us to allow the kid access to our pool?

Regards,
Robert P.

Thanks for reaching out to us, Robert. We understand how difficult it can be to understand obligations in this sense. So we’ve put together a few tips with the hope that they might help you.

Flip the narrative with humor.

Next time the dad demands you stop swimming, lean into light sarcasm to take away his control. Something like: “Don’t worry, our pool gear is less revealing than what people wear at the public pool.” It reframes his “immodest” argument as ridiculous without being openly hostile, and makes it harder for him to guilt-trip you.

Turn the pool into a ‘community spotlight.’

If the boy is passionate about swimming, consider inviting over a local swim coach or organizing a casual pool day with other neighborhood kids with their parents present. This takes the focus off just your home vs. their home and makes it about broader community support. The dad will find it harder to argue you’re feeding a “fantasy” when others are validating the boy’s interest.

Use the pool as a subtle power move.

Since your pool is the main point of tension, use it strategically. Schedule your swims when you know the dad is home. Stay polite but very visible about enjoying your own space. By normalizing your pool use, you quietly show him that his control ends at his property line.

Robert is in a difficult situation. He wants to help the kid without causing an argument with his neighbor, and that can be tough. But he’s not the only one with troublesome neighbors.

Another one of our readers reached out with their story about a neighbor who demanded they share their Wi-Fi for her party. Read the full story here.