I believe in being kind to coworkers, but not when kindness turns into being taken advantage of. That’s exactly what happened when my teammate announced she was pregnant, and suddenly, our whole office started walking on eggshells around her and giving her special treatment. Did I cross a line?
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𝐰𝐰𝐰.Richnow1
Hi Bright Side and readers! I know, I know, pregnancy is hard. At first, I was genuinely happy for her. I offered to pick up lunch when she felt nauseous.
I didn’t mind grabbing her reports from the printer or covering a meeting here and there. We all go through things, right? I figured it was just a temporary adjustment.
But then, my pregnant teammate started forwarding her tasks to me with a note: “Would you mind helping? Baby brain today!” That phrase started popping up almost daily. I told her to stop, but she laughed, “You’ll understand when you’re pregnant.”
I was stunned. I didn’t respond and left. And, little did I know, things were going to get much worse.
The next day, I walked into the office and froze. My desk was occupied by my pregnant coworker. She smirked and said, “Sorry, but I need the extra space. This is near the window and feels more comfortable to me, I moved because I feel nauseous.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. When she left for lunch, I snuck over to her new spot and left a sticky note on her keyboard: “Please meet me after work. This isn’t okay.”
She never showed up. Instead, she emailed our manager, accusing me of being “passive-aggressive.”
I’m not heartless. But there’s a line between needing support and manipulating people. And she crossed it over and over again. I want to be kind, but I’m not a doormat.
It’s not just about one desk or one task. It’s about boundaries in the workplace. It’s about being professional.
Later that week, HR called me, and my pregnant coworker was there too. I expected a calm discussion.
But my jaw dropped when the HR said that my “tone” had been rude and noted. That my sticky note made a colleague “feel unsafe and upset.” That I should be more understanding, especially “during such a sensitive time in a woman’s life.” I sat there, speechless.
When I returned to my desk (the one I was told to move from “temporarily”), I noticed something worse than just being relocated: no one was talking to me.
My coworkers, the same people I used to eat lunch with, started avoiding me. One even said quietly, “You shouldn’t have made her upset. She’s pregnant, you know.” Just like that, I was the bad guy.
I’m being forced to apologize to my pregnant co-worker. Am I really the bad guy here?
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. First, let us say this: you are not a bad person for having boundaries. You’re not heartless, and you’re not the villain just because you’re struggling to balance kindness with fairness. Here’s what you can do:
Talk to HR Again—With Calm, Factual Language: It’s okay to return to HR and respectfully express your concern. Let them know how isolated you’ve felt since the incident. Ask for clarity on what’s expected of you so that you don’t accidentally cross any boundaries again.
Don’t Chase Closure from Your Coworkers: It’s heartbreaking when people you were once close with start to distance themselves. But remember, their silence says more about their discomfort with confrontation than it does about your worth. Sometimes, people will side with the person they perceive as more “fragile” without understanding the full picture.
Let them come around on their own. In the meantime, stay calm, stay consistent, and stay kind—even if you feel like withdrawing. That strength will speak for you.
Be Proud of Yourself for Speaking Up: Standing up for yourself isn’t always graceful or well-received, but it’s still brave. So many people stay silent and let resentment fester. You did the hard thing: you drew a line, even when it came at a personal cost. That doesn’t make you the bad guy—it makes you human.
Find a Civil, Clear Way to Reconnect with Your Pregnant Coworker: As uncomfortable as it may be, consider reaching out to your pregnant coworker calmly and directly. Not to apologize if you don’t feel you should—but to clear the air.
You could say, “I want us to be able to work together respectfully. I know we both have a lot going on. Can we agree to be open and honest if something doesn’t feel right on either side?”
In our previous letter, a man wrote to us explaining how his life turned upside down when he joined his wife’s workplace. Read it here: I Got a Job at My Wife’s Company—and Found an Awful Secret.
