Blended family life can be full of tension, especially when stepchildren struggle to accept new routines. Sometimes even small gestures, like cooking dinner, can spark unexpected conflict. One stepmom shared how she finally set boundaries after constant rejection at the dinner table.
You dont say how old your daughter is.
This may have nothing to do with her being a step child. My own daughter went through years of only eating what her dad cooked. I still cooked for her, but her dad would plate it up and say he'd cooked it. It was frustrating but she did eventually grow out of it.
Perhaps you could've tried something similar saying her dad made a dish and seeing if that helped.
Drawing this line in the sand will be the beginning of a wall being built between you and your stepdaughter and eventually you and your husband. I'm not telling you to roll over on every subject, but food is one of the subjects you need to let go. Let her help with dinner let her make what her mom makes maybe even ask her to prepare a meal that imates what her mom makes . Eat it with glee. Tell her how awesome it is. If your husband and his ex are on speaking terms and you live in the same city area, you could make a connection with the mom and ask her to come for dinner. Not everyone can do this. In the end give your stepdaughter the ability to control something in her life. So far she's had no control over her parents staying together, where she lives, who her dad decides to marry and now food. It will affect your marriage if you don't let this subject go.
Well, WHERE IS that man? He can address the disrespect his kid is showing, first. Then they can discuss the food. Why are the father's never mentioned?
maybe you should not think that it is abt you. Allow her to have that with her mother. She might not be good with the new relationship btwn you and her dad, or, something she wants to share with her mom since she's living with you two. Try not to take it personally, always at least ask her if she has plans with her mom.
Being disrespectful is not the way. If she likes her mother's food better, then she should STAY with her mother. Letting kids be disrespectful, and hoping that they will "adjust", is poor parenting and lazy. They don't want to eat what you cook? Fine, DON'T EAT.
Hey Bright Side,
I remarried a few years ago, and my stepdaughter has always been picky about what I cook. No matter what I made, she’d bring food from her mom and insist it was better. I tried to be patient, forced smiles, and reminded myself that she’s just a kid adjusting to a new family.
One day, I made her favorite dish, hoping it would show her that I care. She tasted it, frowned, and said, “You don’t cook like my mom!” It hurt. I felt crushed, but I smiled and cleaned up after dinner like nothing had happened.
So what she can eat her mom's food you don't have any rights to exclude her
The very next day, I made a decision. I told her that from now on, she could have dinners at her mom’s place if she preferred. I excluded her from family dinners every night after that. It wasn’t about punishing her: it was about setting boundaries and protecting my own space in my home.
I know some people might see it as harsh, but I’ve realized that trying to force acceptance only led to resentment and hurt feelings. I’m just looking out for my own mental peace while still letting her enjoy meals with her mom, where she feels comfortable.
Sincerely,
Emma W.
You did the right thing you know she's being fed at her mom's and the mom is letting the behavior go on by sending meals with the little brat so keep doing what your doing it will teach her she can't be the spoiled brat she clearly is and eventually she will realize that if not that's something her mom will have to deal with in the long run
Emma, thank you so much for sending us your story! It takes a lot of courage to share these kinds of experiences, especially when blended family dynamics are involved. You acted thoughtfully and respectfully: you gave your stepdaughter options while setting clear boundaries for yourself. Protecting your mental well-being and home environment is completely reasonable.
In situations like this, it helps to communicate openly with both your spouse and your stepdaughter about expectations. Framing your boundaries positively, explaining that you want family meals to be enjoyable for everyone, can reduce tension and help her adjust over time. Remember, setting limits doesn’t make you mean: it’s a healthy way to maintain respect and harmony in a blended family.
The child, as we're told growing up...if you don't like what I cook go hungry. It worked and we're not entitled adults who now appreciate the little things in life.
The child prefers her mom's cooking and is vocal about it. Obviously, the biological mom is close enough that the girl can eat dinner with her before going to step mom. Don't exclude her entirely. If there is any connection with you and bio mom, ask her about the child's preferences. If not, ask dad. Maybe ask the girl if she would like to show you how to make her favorites.
you shouldn't exclude herm she is still a kid, a child..
I would not exclude her. U would simply say something like yep she is a better cook when it comes to your favorites as she has been preparing them longer. Then go on to say if you don't care for supper you are more than welcome to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
This is my take on the situation. The step- mom was wrong in sending her home to eat her meals. If she didn't want to eat what she was serving, that was up to her. But she needed to sit at the table until everyone else was finished. Missing one meal is NOT child abuse. When the child says, " it doesn't taste like mom's." She shouldn't have gotten upset. She should have replied, "that's because I'm not your mom. " That reassures the child she isn't trying to take her mother's place. The mother on their hand is enforcing this bad behavior. She is sending the separate meals, she is not telling the child to be polite and just eat it the food anyway, she is allowing the child to come home for meals. The mother is doing this as a way of weaponizing the child against her father. If she can cause enough issues with the step mother it will cause issues with the two of them. Making him as miserable as she is. This is not helping the child adjust to the new living arrangements of divorced life. This is not good for the child's mental welfare. And will not allow her to have healthy relationships with other men or women in the future
