I Refused to Answer Work Chats After 7 P.M.—Now HR Stepped In

People
3 weeks ago
I Refused to Answer Work Chats After 7 P.M.—Now HR Stepped In

As work and personal life blend more than ever, many people struggle with constant notifications, late messages, and rising pressure from digital communication. Stories about burnout, workplace stress, and after-hours expectations are becoming increasingly common. Recently, someone wrote to us, sharing her own situation on this topic.

Kristin’s letter:

Dear Bright Side,

My boss often sends messages in our work group chat after 7 p.m. They’re usually performance feedback, notes, or questions. I never reply, even though everyone else does.

Yesterday, he tagged me specifically, and I wrote, “I don’t work for you 24/7.” He just reacted with a thumbs-up.

The next day, HR sent an email to everyone. We all froze when we saw it. It said that there won’t be any work messages outside office hours anymore. The group chat would be closed.

Instead, once a week, each employee would have to stay an extra 20 to 40 minutes after work for an in-person performance review. They said this was to avoid bothering us at home.

Everyone was clearly annoyed by this new rule, and I had been pointed out as the reason for making them stay at the office more. I was just trying to stand up for our rights, but now I became the “bad person” on the team.

Was I wrong to speak up in the first place?
What should I do now?

Sincerely,
Kristin

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You should have just ignored, not responded. I have a boss like that. When Im not being paid I don't check or respond. You were right BUT you went about it the wrong way. Sorry.

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REport this crap to the State Labour Board, or whatever the relevant Authority is where you live. This is surely unlawful.

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So everyone is mad that they will now be paid for the work they were doing for free previously?

They're actually stupid.

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Who's the company? Black listed! It's simply narcissistic control! Obviously has no friends or a life!

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By law if you're not getting paid for it you don't have to do it but if they're paying you then what's an extra 20-40 minutes

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2 weeks ago
One simply does not let this comment remain here.

Even if you haven't personally experienced it, a daily 1:1 can mean only one thing: everyone on the team is not being treated equally and not everyone is getting the same information. So at least one person has already been singled out for gaslighting and bullying. More importantly, this bullying always used to be done during non-scheduled work hours, meaning that you should have been paid. You actually now have the workplace where you want it. If they're not going to pull you out of work for the daily bullying session, they need to pay you for the extra time you will spend having to listen to it.

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Find a different job. Regardless of outcome you were correct to speak up.

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You have done nothing wrong. It's none of one's business to make others happy or sad as long as he/she is doing right thing. I have faced such nonsense coworkers many times during my service carrear. You should not even think about them.

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20-40 minutes once a week isn't that bad...
as long as you're getting paid for it!

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Na screw your team, work/home life, boundaries need to be set

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You should be paid for the extra time...if not contact the Labor dept. Conference/evaluation WEEKLY? Never heard of that

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"An extra 20 to 40 minutes after work for an in-person performance review." I hope this is just a phrasing problem. This is work for which you should be paid.
And group chat is the wrong place for performance appraisals especially if they're for individuals and not the team. Your boss has issues.

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I understand but you should have said it a different way. Now you have a meeting and as long as that is paid you have your wish.

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Hahaha and that's what you get. I realize you don't want to work outside your hours but sometimes it may be necessary. Things come up and you have to be flexible a bit just as you would expect them to be flexible if you had a child sick and needed to leave work early.
You so could of handled that differently like ignoring the emails and then looking at it before work and stating you didn't look at it until then.
It is totally your fault

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Your reply to your boss is challenging his power. You should reply more softer way.

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A group chat I thought is a chat that everyone listed in the group is able to see what's been sent by everyone else? Since I have never been involved in a group chat in my phone anyway maybe I'm incorrect. But if I'm right, how can one of those be used to send private communication such as a work performance review? And then on the other side why in the world would you send such a hostile message to your supervisor that you know every other employee is able to also read? You mentioned that all coworkers had no problems responding to the chat. There is no reason to stick up for fellow coworkers if they are not the one's complaining

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What kind of employer does daily performance reviews, or has stuff so important that they have to review notes after-hours every day?

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Thank you thats what I thought! Every week?? Maybe every 6 months some once a year. Never every week. Plus like the other person pointed out it's a group chat. No privacy for your review! I'd get a new job!

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The message was about the finance Miss author. The minute you say I don't work for you 24/7 that is confrontational. There are better ways to handle it using a lot of indirect passive voice words which is how you should be dealing with things if you're too direct you get unintended consequences

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What's wrong with answering a few texts on WhatsApp. I'm sure he's not asking her to write dissertations. Plus everybody else is doing it, so what's the problem??

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What finance? If they don't get PAID for staying later, they DON'T HAVE to stay later. OP said they "don't work for you, 24/7" nothing more. It doesn't get more passive than that. Unless you are suggesting that OP brown noses. Maybe YOU could teach them how.

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That was NOT a passive or non-aggressive response. It was flippant and dismissive. She could have phrased it much more gracefully. In addition, if she's in a salaried position and not hourly, they're not going to "pay" her for staying later, as such; it's considered part of her job as a presumably higher pay-rate and more responsible position to sometimes have to stay late.

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Once a week, you would have to stay less than an hour extra? You WOULD NOT BE BOTHERED AT HOME, possibly several times a week? WHAT IS THE PROBLEM. It sounds like THEY SHOULD BE THANKFUL TO YOU. Unless you are not being compensated for that extra office time, it should be considered a WIN. If they don't see it that way, maybe they were using "WORK CHATS" at home, as an EXCUSE TO AVOID whatever is going on AT HOME. YOU DID nothing to be ashamed of. Your coworkers are the ones with the problem. Your boss, on the other hand, may have realized that he can't usurp your home life, with work related issues. He would have to PAY for that.

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Thank you, Kristin, for sharing your story with such honesty. It’s clear this situation has been heavy for you, and we take your experience seriously. You’re not alone in facing something like this, and we do have some thoughtful advice to help you navigate what comes next.

Privately Reframe the Narrative.

I will stay provided those extra minutes are paid overtime. Otherwise, i will be clocking out.

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Talk to one or two colleagues you trust and explain, calmly and briefly, what you actually intended: not to punish anyone with longer days, but to stop your boss from sending performance critiques at night.

Don’t defend yourself aggressively; instead, acknowledge the unintended consequence. This helps shift the team’s perception from “Kristin caused this” to “Kristin highlighted a real issue, and HR overreacted.”

Show HR a Practical Alternative.

Request a short, neutral meeting with HR, not to complain, but to propose a version of the rule that avoids after-hours messages and avoids mandatory late stays. For example: one scheduled feedback slot per employee during regular hours, rotating weekly.

Refer specifically to how performance notes were being delivered at 7 p.m., making feedback feel urgent and intrusive. Presenting a workable fix helps HR reconsider without feeling challenged.

Use Humor to Defuse Team Tension.

Once again the author comes close to a correct answer but the minute you said I never meant to trade 7:00 messages for 40 minutes detentions you've become confrontational and expose yourself to termination action or action up to an including termination. I used to run a federal union afge12 the department of Labor the third largest Federal Union in the nation. This is a case if unintended consequences because take a look at it from Management's perspective. If he has a team of five people or let's say you have a team of seven people if you were to schedule performance reviews during the 5-day work week that means you have to block out 7 hours that could normally be spent doing other things. Now I don't know what the specific work entails that requires a weekly performance review but I'm assuming it's some kind of clerical position because professional positions outside of sales and I don't consider sales positions any kind of professional at all because most salespeople are liars cheats and snake oil salesmen that require appearance to sell versus quality so anybody that's a salesperson is an idiot. That being said, those 7 hours might be needed to perform in person functions. I disagree with the fact that they're keeping people afterwards but, the question now becomes is this time being compensated and if it is being compensated then guess what you don't have a leg to stand on and they could adjust your hours so that it falls underneath threshold for overtime. The flippant response that you gave the manager resulted in an unintended consequence a better response would have been to say I'm unable to answer texts after 7:00 p.m. due to personal commitments and I'm involved in those constantly. I was in a similar situation and the manager would typically try to contact me on Fridays after hours and they would get frustrated with me what are you doing that's so important that you can't return my call. And I responded to her by saying I was involved intimately with my girlfriend. One time this manager came to my house and knocked on the door and my girlfriend at the time answered the door wearing one of my shirts and I came in wearing a pair of shorts. And the manager stopped short and apologized I said look either join us or leave us alone. Her mouth dropped and I actually met what I said come on in the bedroom lady and have sex with us or stop bothering us on the weekends. She stopped bothering us on the weekends. Couple years later I left on good terms and I saw her recently and she said looking back she was surely tempted to come in and join us. Lol

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At your next natural team interaction, make a light, self-aware comment like, “I never meant to trade 7 p.m. messages for 40-minute detentions!”

This acknowledges the awkwardness without self-blame. It signals that you understand why everyone’s annoyed, while also making it clear you didn’t ask for HR’s extreme solution. Humor, used gently, can reset the emotional temperature and let people move on.

Shift Focus to the Real Issue.

If your boss seems open, have a brief, factual conversation with him about the original problem: performance feedback sent in the evenings feels like urgent criticism and affects morale.

Reinforce that your message wasn’t personal defiance, but an attempt to keep work at work. By addressing the root behavior directly, his nighttime feedback, you subtly realign the spotlight away from you and back onto the change that actually needed to happen.

Paula is dealing with a different kind of tension at work. While she was on her days off, she was suddenly asked to come in for an urgent meeting with a big client. She refused — but the outcome wasn’t what she expected.

Comments

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Kristin, you should have answered those texts with few words just like everybody on your team. Why are people getting lazy these days?!

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The problem here is entitled employers. Too many people are afraid of losing jobs, this allows the employers to treat thier employees like slaves. Responding to texts after hours without calling out the inappropriateness of it just positively reinforces thier bad behavior. Anyone saying that Kristin didn't handle the situation correctly is just victim blaming.

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Setting healthy Boundaries are important for workplace. What Kristin said is nothing wrong

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Performance feedback should not be in a group chat anyway. How long will the boss want to follow through with this? Not long.

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I see nothing wrong with voicing out your views. However, as an executive, I take execption when my employees make aggressive statements such as "I don't work for you...." Its just disrespectful and entitled. Bosses would tend to listen to dissenting opinions if stated maturely and in a positive manner. BTW, a lot of bosses get into management positions without training and may not be aware of their mistakes too. Discussion is better than making aggressive remarks.

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